My Reason To Live

12

Warnings:
-Panic (basically the whole chapter)
-Eating disorder behaviour
-Pictures getting spread
-Suicidal thoughts
-Slight bullying

Earlier this day...

George's POV

When I stepped out of my bed the next morning, I already felt terrible. I felt guilty, upset and sad about everything happening the past few days. I wished I could turn it back, but I couldn't and I honestly felt disgusting.

Yesterday I ended up starving myself all day. I lied that I didn't feel well and didn't eat anything. I only drank some water and tea, but that was it. I did end up going to the forest with my brother and he seemed worried about my pale face, but I just told him I hadn't slept well.

Next to that, I was really hungry as well, but I got told by the current coach I was talking to that being hungry was good. It was a sign of me eating too little which was going to cause me to lose weight eventually.

I sighed softly as I stood up to walk to school. I didn't say goodbye to my dad since I stood up before he was even awake. My brother already went to work so I left the house early without breakfast. I was too disgusting to eat anything.

I slowly walked to school, preparing a longer walk so I could burn more calories. Though, I had so little energy that I didn't know how I was ever going to keep starving myself like this. I had to keep motivation, I had to be thin and beautiful.

I arrived at school an hour later and sat on a bench since it was still before the bell was going to ring. Weird enough, Sapnap wasn't here yet and everyone else seemed to look at me.

'He's so disgusting, have you heard about it too?' I heard someone behind me whisper to a boy next to her.

'I did, he's actually gross,' he whispered back.

I turned around to see if they were talking about me and both of them were staring at me when I looked at them. They started laughing loudly and I quickly turned away from them, staring at my hands with big eyes.

More people who walked past looked at me and my chest seemed to tighten. What happened? Had it something to do with the pictures?

I was about to start hyperventilating as Sapnap quietly sat next to me.

'Are you okay?'

'Y-yes,' I whispered as I looked away, trying to calm my breathing rhythm.

'George, we need to talk. Can we go outside for a little?' Sapnap asked me with a serious face.

'W-why?'

'I want to talk to you in private.'

I nodded slowly and we went outside. Sapnap pointed at a bench next to the school and we sat down. I didn't know what he wanted to talk about, but I was so incredibly scared that my whole body was shaking.

'George, I'm not mad or anything. I'm not weirded out or disgusted by you. I also don't hate you, I actually just feel very bad for you. Can you tell me what happened?'

'I don't know,' I said as I breathed very quickly. 'What happened?'

'Do you actually not know yet or are you trying to hide it?'

'I don't know,' I whispered, trying to calm down.

'George,' Sapnap started as he sighed softly. 'Uh- I don't want you to freak out, I'm here for you.'

'What happened?' I yelled at him. 'Just tell me, idiot. Don't you see I'm freaking out enough?'

'Someone spread pictures of you.'

'W-what pictures?' I whispered, feeling breathless.

'Pictures where you are uh- well- naked.'

My heart seemed to stop as I hitched a breath. 'I uh- that's not me. Did you see them?'

'Yeah, I did. I know it's you, because you're wearing the bracelet. I also immediately deleted the pictures from my phone.'

'I-,' I tried, but I was paralysed by panic. 'W-where?'

'The group chat. I know I'm going to upset you with this, but I want to be honest. The pictures got spread through most of the school. I just want to know why you sent those pictures to someone. Did you like the person you sent them to?'

I kept breathing faster and started hyperventilating. Sapnap stopped asking me things and hugged me tightly as he tried to calm me down. His hand ran through my hair and he smiled at me.

'I understand that this is actually terrible, but we can go to the police, George. This is illegal and I'm here for you.'

I pushed him away and stared in front of me as I hyperventilated and felt so nauseous and lightheaded that it felt like I would pass out. I even started gagging because of how nauseous I was and squeezed my hands to fists.

'George, calm down. I'm here for you. I still love you just as much.'

'Leave me alone!' I screamed. I pushed him away again and jumped up as I started running away as fast as possible. Everyone had seen my pictures, EVERYONE.

I didn't stop running until I came home. Luckily everyone was at work and I locked myself in my room, seeing multiple missed calls and texts from Sapnap, but mostly from random classmates who were all bullying me, telling me how disgusting and weird I was.

I never cried as hard as I did now and curled myself up. There was no way of turning this back. My body was private and everyone had seen it, but I was manipulated into sending those things. I would get bullied forever, everyone would always remind me of this and no one knew what actually happened to me.

I wanted to die, I genuinely wanted to die right now. There was no way of turning this back, it would forever be on the internet. I couldn't solve this, there was no way of this ever being okay again.

I was panicking so much that I sat behind my PC to find some sort of comfort and distraction. I sat down, loaded Minecraft and started playing a random doubles bedwars game.

After a while I got teamed with someone named Dream and we ended up calling, causing me to focus on something else for now.

1042 words

Summary:
George's pictures get spread and he freaks out.