My Reason To Live

25

Warnings:
-Mentions grooming/bullying
-Mentions eating disorder

Clay's POV

After school, I immediately went to my room without saying hi to anyone. I really had to call George and as soon as I had the chance, I did. George accepted the call almost immediately and he greeted me with a broken and sad voice. When he turned on his camera, I could see that he cried a lot.

'C-can you promise me to not leave me?'

'I promise,' I said with a smile. 'I love you.'

George smiled shortly and sighed deeply. 'Clay, I think I have something like an eating disorder. I don't really believe I have one, but I don't know. I went onto sites to lose weight and got a coach. He manipulated me and forced me into sending pictures of myself and I was in a too weak state of mind to say no. He made me so insecure that I broke.'

'What's wrong with pictures? We sent pictures too, right?'

George looked at his hands and swallowed. 'N-naked.'

'I'm so sorry. Okay, you can continue.'

'I figured out it was a pedophile around the age of forty-five who was just looking at my pictures in a different way. I thought he was going to help me, but he was just out for pictures of me without clothes on.'

'I'm so sorry, George. I just want to say that he's in the wrong and you aren't.'

'Clay, it gets worse.'

I didn't respond and let him take a breather. He did and then continued.

'Someone, and I don't know who, spread the pictures where I'm naked throughout the whole school. Everyone has seen them, everyone bullies me. They call me a whore, they accuse me of trading pictures for sex, they call me a skeleton and it doesn't stop. Now they also figured out that we made out, the bullying doesn't stop. They threatened to tell my dad.'

'I'm so sorry,' I whispered. 'I wish I could do anything to help.'

George broke and started crying. His soft sobs hurt me deeply on the inside and George looked up.

'My mother passed away when I was young and I've always been insecure. When she passed away I just wanted to be the perfect son of my dad, but look at me now.'

'Where are you?'

'I'm inside of my house currently. I just hope my dad won't know I walked away from school.'

'Can I come to your place to comfort you once I've had dinner? I can spend the evening with you.'

'I would like that,' George muttered shyly.

I smiled and sighed softly. 'I'm actually so sorry that that happened to you, but I just want to say that I don't like you any less now. I love you, I love the way you look. Those people can only be jealous of how gorgeous your body is.'

'I find it hard to believe that.'

'Come on, I've been touching myself while thinking about your body,' I giggled. 'And I've thought about you all day, but I couldn't do much at school.'

George smiled and shyly looked at his hands. 'Well same, but no one else likes me.'

'But that doesn't matter. I do like you and there's only one person who has to like you and give you love.'

'What if you don't actually like me?'

'I don't know how I can prove it. I just can be honest to you about my feelings? I just don't only like your amazing personality, your cute laugh, your humour and your kindness. I also loved the part of your body I saw and I would love to do more with it someday.'

George was just looking at me and I looked up. 'It's all really new to me, but I'm so in love with you that I would want to touch you and be together.'

My stomach was filled with butterflies and my heart started beating faster as I imagined myself touching George. I didn't know what was going on in my body, but I started breathing a bit faster and my trousers felt pretty uncomfortable now.

'I'm uh- changing to sweats. This is uh- kind of painful,' I muttered as I stood up to grab sweats. 'Want me to undress on camera?'

It was meant to be an obvious joke, but once George didn't respond for a few seconds, I looked up at him and frowned.

'Are you okay?' I asked as I stepped outside of the camera frame to change into sweats. It was still really uncomfortable, but I couldn't do much on camera.

'Are you using me?' George whispered. 'Do you also just want sex?'

'Oh gosh, no. Please, don't think I do. I wouldn't mind if we never did anything like that because I really love you and not for your body. I'm sorry, it's all new for me to have these emotions and I've messed up quite some times now.'

'Are you actually not using me?' George asked as he sobbed softly.

'I'm not, I'm sorry that I said such things. I tried to prove to you that I actually like you, but you know-. I started feeling more while imagining that than I expected. I'm sorry. I wasn't really expecting to get well- hard, but I guess it shows that I really like you.'

'If you're actually not just here for sexual things.'

'I'm not, I'm sorry. I love you and I would love to be together with you. Can I come to your place?'

'Yes, I'll introduce you to my dad.'

Deleted this part too :)

'I'm uh- going to George,' I muttered.

'Have you been exercising?' my dad asked with a confused, but teasing grin.

'Uh- yeah. Something like that,' I mumbled as I turned around and walked away as fast as possible.

1038 words