My Reason To Live

15

Warnings:
-Mentions self harm

Clay's POV

I ended up falling asleep on call with George and the next few days I acted like nothing happened. I was really overwhelmed by myself feeling sadness and crying for the first time in twelve years.

George didn't bring my mental breakdown up since he didn't want to remind me of the trauma again. I appreciated that and I knew I could talk to him when I needed to.

I was gaming again with George today and he was teasing me. Normally I would have fallen out to him for throwing the games, but I had a smile on my face.

'Let's just build a house,' George giggled. He bought a lot of wool and other blocks and covered our base with blocks.

'We need a roof,' he said as he laughed loudly.

I didn't know what was going on with me, but I felt such a different but overwhelming emotion this time. It seemed to be happiness.

I started giggling and George built the roof as he made a door and bought glass for windows. No one seemed to attack us either and I felt so much happiness that I started laughing very loudly.

'Let's build a swimming pool,' I giggled as I made a small corner and bought water to fill in the hole I made.

George's laugh made me laugh even harder and I was so overwhelmed by my feelings that I didn't even know what was going on anymore.

When George giggled I felt the same feeling in my stomach, when he was happy, I seemed to feel happy and when I thought about my past, I seemed to feel sad. It was so weird after not feeling anything for years. Slowly more and more emotions overwhelmed me.

'If we don't win this game, I'll cry,' George said with a loud giggle after that.

I wheezed and struggled to breathe as I kept laughing. 'I'm crying of laughter,' I wheezed. I wiped a tear away and took deep breaths since I was laughing so hard that I felt short of breath.

'We only have one bed, though,' George said. 'We will have to cuddle up very tightly.'

My body got numbed by a sudden wave of something in my stomach and my cheeks heated up. I suddenly felt nervous and giggled. 'Y-yes, I g-guess.'

George laughed.

'George, I'm probably sounding creepy now, but I don't mean to. Your voice is cute,' I whispered. 'I just wonder how you look.'

George didn't answer me and suddenly stopped laughing.

'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that so soon. It's fine, I don't mind how you look either way. I can turn my camera on if you want? I don't really mind.'

'You can,' George muttered.

'Do you mind me showing my scars? I'll put on a hoodie if so.'

'I don't mind.'

'I still have open cuts in my arms.'

'It's fine, I actually don't mind,' George answered. 'I'd rather not yet turn it on.'

'That's fine,' I answered as I turned my camera on. I smiled and lifted my hand to wave at him. 'Hi, this is me.'