Rip - Becoming Whole

Of Homesickness, Whiskey and Laughter

The boy's legs started to go from under him and Mr Dutton struggled to keep him upright. So, he let himself slip down onto the ground against the kitchen wall with the boy nestled within his arms, pulling him onto one of his legs, and allowing him to just cry and succumb to his violent sobbing.

"Please Papa, you can't tell anyone, please don't tell anybody. I am not crazy, I swear. I'm not like him. It won't happen if you don't make me eat stew. I eat everything else I promise. Please don't tell anyone. I'm not crazy, I don't want to be locked up," the boy sobbed out in between his gasps for air.

"Oh Rip, of course you're not crazy. You're going to be just fine. I got you. You're going to be just fine. I promise. Calm yourself down, son" he convincingly told the boy in an effort to reassure him, robbing his hand over his back. "You're going to be just fine, son!" he told him over and over again, as he was holding the boy's head tightly against his chest with one hand and massaging his back with the other, wishing he could believe his own words. This terrified him to no end.

He stayed on the ground with Rip in his arms, where Bernard joined him, resting his back against the oven opposite them. They stayed like this even when Rip eventually fell asleep in his arms, exhausted from all the crying and having finally let his parent in on the reality of some of the terrors that were visiting him so often at night and even during the day sometimes.

In the end Bernard brought out two tumblers and a bottle of whiskey, that his brother had sent over to him from home. Mr Dutton wasn't sure if Rip had even realised the man had stayed with them all this time, but he was grateful to him for it, for without Bernard's encouraging nods and quietly confident presence he might not have been able to listen to Rip the way he did but succumb to crying himself. There was so much he hadn't understood. There was so much more to it besides the cold facts that had been revealed in the court case.

When he finally told his story, Rip had tried to reason with him. He tried to convince him that all of it was his fault, and his alone, because he had been outside when his father came back to the farm, and he did not run into the kitchen right away to protect his family.

He was annoyed with his mother, because over breakfast, she had announced that she was considering taking the bastard back. He hadn't even gone more than two months and already she was ready to cave in. She had talked to his dad behind his back, and he had told her he was sorry. He told her he was finished with the meth and sent Niall away. She told them that things would be different this time and they had a massive argument about it, where he reminded her about what his dad had let Niall do to them.

When he realised his dad was starting to row with her, Rip had delayed because he was fed up with always being put in the middle of them and had felt she needed to be taught a lesson. He wanted her to get a few slaps, because he thought it would bring her back to her senses. He was terrified of the men coming back onto their farm. She had been given a hiding many times before, and so did he, his dad had never been that out of control. He didn't think anything of it. So, Rip only came running when he heard his little brother cry. He had thought he had gone to school.

When his dad saw him come in, he laid into him right away, punching him full force straight in the face several times, and Rip went down. He was unconscious for a just a few seconds, but that was all it took. When he came to, he watched in horror what unfolded in front of him. It was like in slow motion and he froze. He only thought of hitting the man with the skillet over the head when he had his back turned towards him and was attacking his mother who was already lying on the ground making gurgling sounds. Had he reacted right away before his dad had picked up the pot and killed his brother with it, if he hadn't been such a coward, they would be alive now. If he hadn't been so selfish and had not delayed in the first place, it would probably not have gotten that out of hand. Nicky would still be here if he had done what he was supposed to do and made sure he went to school. He had one job to do but he so failed them on so many levels. He was too scared and too weak. He'd been selfish, just because he feared he'd bring Niall back onto their farm.