Rip - Becoming Whole

Perspective

"Did you give Samuel a ring?" Robert asked his father. "Yes, I did" Mr Dutton replied. "And?" Robert asked. "He thinks I am overthinking it. He thinks a lot of the things the boy is doing is just down to normal teenage stuff, but I don't know. It just feels as if I am losing him."

He had been on the phone to Samuel for over an hour trying to explain how the boy's behaviour had spiralled out of control lately and how exasperated this had made him feel, but in the end Samuel just told him to go back to what worked for him in the beginning, figuring out what feeling or need was behind the behaviour and to respond to that instead of the behaviour itself. "And then reconnect with him when things go wrong. He needs to feel connected", Samuel reminded him. When his father told him that at the moment Rip seems to do everything in his power to push him away and avoid a connection, Samuel simply replied "That's probably when he needs you most, father!"

Samuel felt that the punishment he gave him, working off the hours to pay back the money he had spent on the car was harsh but did match the seriousness of the actual crime. They could have seriously got hurt or hurt someone else, and they caused a lot of damage. In general, though, Samuel felt that Rip's behaviour like that of all teenagers was more down to a natural inclination to orientate himself towards friends and away from his family, than his relationship to his uncle, and had very little to do with his past trauma "Friendship means everything at that age. It's their main motivator", he claimed. For Rip of course there was the added trauma induced fear of rejection, that he would struggle with in all his future relationships, and his inexperience with peer relationships didn't help either. It made him particularly vulnerable to being led on or needing to impress his friends by taking risks he would never take if he wasn't in company of others, but either way, and to some extent this was true for all teenage boys, expecting him to think straight and make rational decisions just doesn't figure when he was with friends or where peer relationships were concerned in general, Samuel argued. When his father pointed out that Samuel himself never had given him as much as an ounce of trouble, Samuel just told him that he was blessed with a very short memory and like all parents did not know half of the stuff he got up to behind his back, which his father simply did not believe.

"It does make sense, father. I mean teenagers are not exactly known for acting all sensibly, are they?" Jacob threw in. "Ah now, Jacob, you all gave me fair bit of trouble but nothing like this. I mean steal a car. He's only 15, drunk and smoking weed, not going to school for a whole week and then the window this afternoon. I just don't know what to do with him anymore."

"Christ, Samuel is right. You are blessed with a very short memory, god love you." Jacob laughed. "Can't you remember how I got caught when a few mates and I, broke into the rodeo one night and let the bulls loose, thinking I could ride one? Remember the damage we caused? And how mad you were at me?"

"Oh god yeah. You were some Jackass alright, the stuff you got up to. I am still surprised that you actually made it into adulthood in one piece", the old man shook his head and they all laughed.

"Mind you, that actually really puts it into perspective doesn't it" Robert said "Remember the way they all came up to the ranch the next morning to stick up for Jacob, telling you that it wasn't entirely his fault, because they egged him on, in the hope you wouldn't be too harsh on him. But of course, all you agreed to was that it wasn't fair that he should be the only one getting punished just because he was the only one who got caught that night. Remember the way they all lined up outside your woodshed father, taking an equal share in reducing Jacob's punishment. Remember the Peterson boy, puking? He was that terrified, but he didn't back out even though they all wanted him to. Remember the way they all rallied around him. And it was all Jacob's idea, no one put him up to it, they had just been along for the ride and a bit of fun, and didn't stop him.