(𝟮.𝟮) 𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐋𝐄𝐃𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐒 ➣ {𝕪•𝕓} ❘ [𝖇𝖑𝖆𝖈𝕶𝖜𝖎𝖉𝖔𝖜 𝖝 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗]

⧗ 𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔯𝔱𝔜 𝔢𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱 ❘ Tʜᴇ ᴊᴏᴜʀɴᴀʟ

Y/N shut herself in the room at the far end of the hallway of the house. She couldn't believe she had helped the man escape prison, who was responsible for the Lawson family's death.

She was told that David and Alexie were the thickest of friends. Inseparable and attached to the hip. Even Aida and Melina were close to each other. She still couldn't process the information that she had heard from Natasha.

She slipped on her glasses and adjusted them, huffing out a breath. Walking over to the corner of the room, she settled on the bean bag and leaned back on it.

Suddenly, the door creaked open, making Y/N look up, and inside walked Alexie.

"No," Y/N shook her head, "No, please go away. I don't want to see you,"

"Y/N, please, I want to explain myself," Alexie persuaded.

"No,"

"Please,"

Y/N caved, half fed-up, and half frustrated. But she also wanted to hear what he had to say so desperately.

Alexie allowed himself in and closed the door softly behind him. He walked over to her side and sat on the chair beside her. He was startled a bit when the chair moved backward until he realized it was a rocking chair. He leaned back into it and did a double-take when he saw Y/N glaring at him, "What?"

"Why're you here?" she shot back, "You think I want to talk to the person who's responsible for the Lawsons' death?"

"Y/N," he leaned forward, "I didn't betray David. He was my only friend in the entire Soviet organization. He was my best friend. Like you and Natasha."

Y/N turned to him at this and he continued, "When you were born, I came to see you. Aida was on the bed with Melina sitting on the chair next to her," he smiled softly, "I was talking to David. He wanted me to be your godparent. I said of course! And then this song comes on the radio. Bye, bye, Miss American pie," he sang the lyrics in his hoarse voice.

"David used to sing it to me," Y/N spoke up, "I remember,"

"Yeah. After I reached Cuba to meet Dreykov, he asked me about David. I didn't know he was going to kill him. I thought he wanted a mission report or something. But then I gave out the location and—"

The door opened and this time, Alisa peeped in, eyes scanning the room until she found Y/N and Alexie, "Y/N, I need a minute with you. Alexie, do you mind?"

"No, no," Alexie turned to Y/N, "I get it if you hate me. But, I didn't betray David," his beard twitched when his lips trembled, "I would never."

With that, he walked out of the door, leaving her to stare after him with a conflicted mind.

Alisa approached her, "Here," she handed her what looked like an old book.

"What's this?" Y/N took it from her.

"Aida's journal. She always had a habit of maintaining one. I found out she was crushing on David through that when they were nineteen."

Y/N chuckled softly at this, feeling the material of the book.

"This is the one she had written when she had taken you in her womb. And after you were born," Alisa explained, "There are pictures in between."

Y/N kept flipping through the pages and opened a random one, reading the few lines in between:

I know I'm not supposed to get attached, but I can't help it. You're the most beautiful child I've ever seen and you gave me a chance to be a mother.

I couldn't be more grateful.

David's been put to housewife duty while I just lounge on the couch with you asleep in my arms. It's so fun to boss him around.

Y/N shifted a few pages:

I've spent enough time with you to know that you're always the one to blame yourself.

Alisa watched as the H/C-haired woman adjusted the book in her lap and skipped to the other pages:

I saw David sing 'Miss American Pie' to put you to sleep. I swear I've never seen anything more beautiful than that.

Y/N felt her eyes sting, her heart plunging to her stomach, she moved onto the page of the journal that had the year '1994'.

This is probably the last year I get to spend with you before Bela takes you away from me. I try not to think about it, but I can't stop. I keep getting worried about you. I know what all she has planned for you and I don't want you to go through that.

Maya and Dmitry are getting attached to you. I'm scared. Terrified. To lose you.

Always remember, no matter what happens. I love you so much, baby. And so does David.

♡ Aida

Y/N closed the journal, tilting her head up to force the tears back in.

"Aida had this gut feeling that she would never see you grow up," Alisa started, "But David managed to snap her out of it and told her to live in the present instead. After Maya and Dmitry came along, things got easier."

"I loved them so much," she swallowed the lump in her throat.

"I know, sweetie," she caressed her back in a motherly way.

"It's like loving me is a death sentence," Y/N stated, her voice wavering, "I mean, if you're in love with me in one way or another, either I'm gonna lose you, or you're gonna lose me," she lifted her shoulders in a shrug, "It's like I'm the definition of tragedy. A bad omen. A lost cause," she added, wiping the tear that fell on her cheek, "I'll never get a happy ending. It's like I don't deserve it. Exhibit A - the Lawsons'."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," Alisa consoled her.

"But it's the truth, isn't it?" she turned to her with watery eyes, "You know it's true."

"If you keep thinking about the past so much, how did you manage to get this far?"

"The past is what kept me going," Y/N answered, "I cherish the good old days, just me, Maya, Dmitry, and Dad, in the backyard of our house in Ohio, or the lab in the basement. Just talking and laughing, pulling pranks every now and then. Thinking about it makes me smile. And then the horrifying truth that they're no more settles in my mind," she took a deep breath, "Sometimes I'd it out, sometimes I'd stay up all night, or just do something that would distract me. I always knew I was alone. Lonely. That I had no family. But, seeing that now I have an Aunt. I have you," she added, "I'm glad. Maybe I'm not so lonely after all."

"I'm sorry," Alisa's eyes were brimming with tears, "But Melina and I already alerted the Red Room. They should be here any minute."

Y/N nodded with a grimace, "You think I have enough time to talk to Yelena before they get here?"

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