If Not for You (Completed)

Chapter 9: Kale

8Kale

I didn't know what to make of it. Any of it. Despite what Mo had told me after my interaction with Cody, that I was worth so much more than a handful of rich punks, I'd been set on taking my own life by the time I got home. I'd even found a much more efficient way of doing so by stealing Merchant's gun than I would have by taking the pills. I was scared, but more scared to go on living, and too tired to try. I was done with life in every respect. Then who should happen to show up but Kazzi Inman. And she, of all people, had stopped me.

Now, she was sitting beside me, her hand on my casted arm, not hurting me, not yelling at me or belittling me, but being gentle, reading, and giggling at the raunchy jokes Meg had graced the cast with. She said she wanted to be my friend. It made my heart race knowing how much I had wanted it, to have a friend at all outside Meg, but also burrowed fear deep inside me. I was almost certain that by Monday when she and I both saw the gang again, she would take it all back. That was what I feared most of all.

For the moment, though, I went with it, feeling a strange sort of peace with her that I never expected to find. Especially since I was mad at her. There was something different about Kazzi outside school and away from her friends than there was when she was with them. She was almost kind. But it terrified me to think there might be hope in her words. She'd already let me down once. It would be simple for her to do it again.

"Kale, will you forgive me?" She asked again, and I pursed my lips as I looked away.

She'd asked three times, now. It would be easy to give her my forgiveness, but over the years I'd learned that there were only three things in life that no one was entitled to; things that had to be earned: trust, respect, and forgiveness. So I couldn't forgive Kazzi. Not when my shins were still welted, and my ribs were bruised by a pipe that she had willingly handed over to Cody. She had to prove to me that things were different in school as well as out; that she would maintain her promise. She had to earn my forgiveness, no matter how cold that sounded.

"Fine." She let out a breath and let go of my cast to cross her arms over her chest.

For a long time, we were quiet, until the sun sank below the water to make us both shiver. At least it had stopped snowing. Still, neither of us moved.

"Why are you homeless?" She asked after a while, and I frowned.

I had half a mind to tell her that that was insensitive to ask anyone, but it was a legitimate question all things considered. There weren't too many people who continued to attend high school while living on the streets.

"A series of unfortunate events." I answered, and she frowned at me.

"Okay, then how long have you been homeless."

"Since I was sixteen. And I'll be eighteen in two months."

At that, her expression sank into one I couldn't quite read. "You've been out here since you got out of juvie?"

"Yep."

"So, that story was true. About your stepdad."

"Yep."

"What happened?"

Something I never wanted to see again, not even in my memory, and yet it haunted me every night. "Another series of unfortunate events."

Kazzi let out a frustrated breath and tightened her coat around her. "You're not going to open up to me, are you?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I can't trust that anything I tell you won't later be used against me. It's bad enough that you know where I live now."