If Not for You (Completed)

Chapter 13: Kazzi

13 Kazzi

We drove home first thing the next morning, stayed long enough to change clothes, pack an overnight bag, and let me call for an appointment with Kate, then we started back to Riverfork. Kale fidgeted in the seat beside me, his knee bobbing up and down, elbow propped up while he gnawed on his fingernails. He stared hard out the window, not speaking, lost in whatever thoughts were running wild through his head.

"We don't have to do this, you know," I said softly, but he didn't look at me, just slowly shook his head.

"I need to."

"Why? We can take some time, wait till your ribs are healed."

He shrugged. "Either my ribs heal, or the Hepatitis kills me, whichever comes first. I need to do this now, while I'm still able."

Well, wasn't he a bucket of optimism? But he was right. I hadn't paid much thought to his illness over the past day or two. I'd given him his medication for it twice a day, every day, and helped him when it made him sick, but it almost seemed as though my mind had blocked out the 'why' attributed to those pills. Kale was sick. He was still waiting for a liver transplant that may never happen. And if it didn't...

I'd already lost him to death once before. While that first time may have been a farce, this time the reaper would show itself for real. I couldn't even rest in the comfort that Kale would go to Heaven, not if he didn't follow Christ. And I had a feeling that trying to convince him to do so would be harder than pulling teeth. He'd had such a hard life, and rather than seeking God for His comfort through it all, he had cursed Him. In a way, I couldn't blame him, but I worried for his soul, nonetheless.

"Where do you want to go?" I asked, changing the subject once we passed a mile marker for Riverfork.

"To see Mo. He was like a father to me. I owe him an explanation."

I nodded. "He turned fifty this year, you know. And he's got Amar working at the store now. Kid's almost as tall as you. Just graduated high school this past May."

For the first time since we'd gotten in the car, he glanced at me. "You still talk to them?"

I shrugged. "From time to time. Just Christmas cards, really, but I saw them for a few minutes when I went home for the reunion. Mo looks good."

Nodding slowly, Kale turned his attention back to the window. "I hope he forgives me." He mumbled it so softly I wasn't sure I was intended to hear, so I didn't say anything, just kept my grip tight on the wheel as I swerved off the interstate.

"It's about lunchtime. Are you hungry?"

He shook his head. "My stomach's in so many knots I couldn't eat if I wanted to."

I licked my lips as I nodded. "My appointment with Kate is at three."

"I know. You told me." He wasn't looking at me again. He was staring so intently out the window it was as though he could already see tomorrow, and he didn't like what he saw.

"So, you can't come with me. You can wait in the car or the lobby, or—"

He shook his head, interrupting me. "Leave me at the bridge."

Pursing my lips, I frowned at him. "That's the last place I want to leave you."

Not looking at me, he shrugged. "It's where I need to be." Turning ever so slowly, he met my eyes. "I have to face my ghosts at some point."

I couldn't argue, not that he would have listened if I did. Though I hated the idea, I nodded. Neither of us spoke again, not for the whole rest of the car ride. I noticed as Kale's nerves intensified when we crossed the city limits, and by the time I had slowed to park diagonally outside Mo's store, he was practically hyperventilating.