If Not for You (Completed)

Chapter 21: Kazzi

21Kazzi

Kale was released back to my care a week later. So far, Kate's liver was functioning just the way it was supposed to, which made a vast difference in Kale's overall health. Though he would be taking anti-rejection medications and a handful of other pills for the rest of his life, the transfer was considered a success.

After Kale had been home ten days and was moving around a little better, I invited Essie to host Kate's funeral at the local church I'd been saved in. The service was small, with just a handful of bouquets and a blown-up picture of Kate from sometime in her teen years all arranged next to a podium that displayed her ashes. They were housed in a floral cookie jar with a bee on the lid. Though it was all Essie could afford, I felt it suited Kate better than any golden urn would have.

There were only eleven in attendance including Kale and me, and Essie and Carrie. Essie and Kale had no other family, and Kate had no friends, but Mo and his family, and Meg and hers had come out of respect for Kale even though they'd never known Kate. It was the first that Saloni and her children, and Gus, too, had seen Kale since before his supposed death, but Kale didn't speak much to any of them. Or to me either through the whole service.

He sat by himself in the back row of the church, hunched over so his elbows were resting on his knees, eyes on the floor. I couldn't begin to imagine what was going through his head with how quickly and drastically his life had changed, and I wished he'd rely on me for comfort. Or better yet, rely on God. But so far, he was pushing away God and me both, and I feared the day he may push me so far that he wouldn't want me anymore.

I glanced back at him for the thousandth time as the pastor read from the bible, then offered for anyone to come up and say a few words. No one moved to do so, not even Essie, so I was surprised when Kale suddenly walked past me. The pastor extended a hand to help him step up on the stage at the altar, and I frowned as Kale pressed a hand over his healing incision before moving to stand next to the podium.

For several minutes, he didn't speak, just stared at the floor, his dark hair fallen over his eyes like it always used to when we were kids. For a split second, I saw him being seventeen again. Dressed head to toe in black, eyes on the ground, it was as though he hadn't aged a day from the moment I used to bully him, and it made a rock grow in my throat that I struggled to swallow.

I looked away when the pastor appeared beside me, and I gestured for him to take the available aisle seat at my side. Though the church was practically empty, he inclined his head and did so, his fingers wrapped around the worn leather Bible in his hands. I watched him as he clenched it tight, his lips pressed into a frown as he stared at Kale.

I didn't know him very well. The head pastor of my church was out of town, and the man beside me was staying for the next couple of weeks to fill in. Came all the way from Colorado as a personal favor to my pastor. He was older than I was, with dark black hair like Kale's that spiked in a somewhat unruly manner over his forehead. His cologne was reminiscent of sugar cookies and rain, filling me with a strange sense of peace, and I took a deep breath of it before returning my focus to Kale.

"Is he saved?" The pastor suddenly whispered beside me, and I looked to see him staring down at me with eyes like melted chocolate.

"No. He and God are kind of at odds right now. He's... had a hard life."

He made a sound of understanding as he lifted his eyes to Kale again. "He kind of reminds me of myself when I was younger." He continued whispering. "Before I became a—" He paused to lick his lips. "A pastor. I was lost... like I feel he is."

Kale was definitely lost, that was for sure. I nodded, my eyes whipping back to the stage as Kale suddenly cleared his throat and pulled something from his back pocket. It was the black journal of Kate's letters and poems.