If Not for You (Completed)

Chapter 12: Kale

12 Kale

My world was crashing in around me, and I could barely breathe. It felt like my life since I was sixteen years old had been a lie, forcing me to question everything I thought I knew, and not being able to tell what was true and what wasn't. I didn't know what to believe anymore, didn't know what to think, what to feel, so I tried to do none of the three; instead tried to focus on each heartbeat, each breath, until I felt what could almost pass for calm.

I could hear Kazzi standing behind me, ordering pizza on her phone from where I sat on the edge of the king-sized bed. A sliding glass door took up the wall in front of me, leading out to a skinny strip of balcony overlooking the Annapolis skyline. It was pretty, I guess, but my current state of mind didn't allow me to appreciate it.

My ribs were thundering from all the activity. I'd been eighteen hours without a pain pill, and while I didn't like the way they made me feel, I'd have killed for one just then and wondered if Kazzi had brought them with her. Maybe I'd ask when she was done. Shifting only slightly, I peeled off my shirt and tossed it to the chair across from me, then leaned back on the bed and let my feet rest on the floor as I braced a hand over the ugly bruise beneath my right peck. If only I could will the pain to go away, or better yet, will it to heal altogether.

Kazzi came to me after several minutes and sat on the bed beside me, her expression scrunched up in concern as she looked down at me.

"You okay?"

I shrugged, staring up at the ceiling. "I'm not even sure what okay is, anymore."

Frowning, she leaned down on an elbow, and I sighed as she gently grazed her fingers through my hair. She didn't speak, didn't use hollow words of affirmation to try and cheer me up or calm me down, she just laid there, let her fingers raise goosebumps on my skin as they scraped lightly across my scalp. It was the most comfort I could ever ask for. Almost.

"Kazzi?"

"Hm?"

"Will you do something for me?"

"What?"

Opening my eyes, I met her waiting stare. "Will you wash my hair?" I asked and looked away as I felt heat creep into my cheeks. "It... makes me feel better."

When I chanced a glance at her, she was smiling. "Sure." Still smiling, she stood and walked away. A moment later I heard the water running in the tub. "Pants." She called out a second later, and I grinned as I undid them, shimmied them off, and kicked them to the floor.

I was laying in all my glory when she returned, causing her to draw up short. I didn't even bother to cover up. I was beyond the point of being embarrassed about her seeing me. Why would I have been anyway? I was a man. I had a penis and balls. Plain and simple. Not like I should be hiding them as though their existence was unnatural. If I was in a dude's locker room, maybe, but this was Kazzi, and I didn't care if Kazzi saw me.

And she was staring, a look of definitive interest in her eyes. Though I saw her swallow hard, she blinked and looked away. Blowing out a breath, she extended her hands, her attention locked firmly on my eyes now.

"Come on, I'll help you up."

I grunted as she pulled me to my feet, and felt my ribs begin to thunder again. Wincing, I pressed a hand to them and saw her frown as she stooped to look at the bruise.

"It's a little better... the edges are starting to fade to green."

"Super. Still hurts like hell though."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"You should be. This is totally your fault." I grinned when she glanced up at me, offended for a second, then she rolled her eyes.