If Not for You (Completed)

Chapter 18: Kale

18Kale

My thoughts were everywhere and nowhere, floating through that deep ethereal space that seemed to be my constant, as of late. I knew I was asleep but couldn't open my eyes to take part in my consciousness. Did that count as lucid dreaming?

Somewhere, something deep inside me was hurting, but I couldn't pinpoint the exact source of pain when there was more than one of them in a general area. Nonetheless, it ached, and I gasped in a hiss of breath as I tried to come awake.

"Kale?"

Kazzi's voice broke through my ethereal affliction to ground me. It was so soft, like a melody that sang me out of the fog of my ill-fed mind. I caught myself smiling before I even opened my eyes, and when I finally did, I could have cried at the sight of her.

"You're so.... gorgeous," I mumbled and heard her soft, melodious laughter as I blinked the fuzz from my vision.

"And you're so out of it." She smiled and leaned forward to lightly kiss me, chasing away the last remnants of the dark cloud inside me.

"How long did I sleep?"

Kazzi shrugged. "Twelve hours or so."

I nodded. "Can we get married now?"

She laughed out loud and took my hand, surrounding my cool fingers with her warmth. "Soon. I promise."

Though somewhat disappointed, my lips lifted into a smile as I simply watched her. My eyes swept over her, memorizing every detail of her face. She had one single freckle on the tip of her nose, and a dimple in her right cheek. Her left eyebrow was just slightly wider than the right, and they were a shade darker than her hair. Her lips had the texture of rose petals, a sensation I knew to be true as I reminisced on the feel of them against me. She was so unbelievably beautiful, and at that moment, I had no idea how I'd ever managed to walk away from her.

"I'm sorry I faked my death," I said suddenly, and her beautiful smile wilted away into a sunken frown.

"Kale... let's not talk about that now."

"And I'm sorry for ever letting you think that I hated you." I continued, my heart pounding in my chest as she closed her eyes on a sigh.

"I know you don't, though." She said once her eyes found me again. "So it doesn't matter now."

"Yes, it does. I hurt you, Kazz, and I had no right to do that to you. You took me in, cared for me, and I spit on you. I never should have done that."

Kazzi sighed again and lowered into the chair beside me. "Alright, Mr. Drugged and Dopey, no more talking about the past."

"I haven't asked your forgiveness yet," I said, forcing myself to clarity through the waning effects of sleep. Kazzi's brows narrowed as she looked at me.

"No, you haven't."

"You know how I feel about forgiveness."

She nodded.

"Please tell me what I can do to earn yours."

For a long moment, she was quiet, her eyes on mine with an expression I couldn't quite read. Then, she shook her head and leaned forward to squeeze my hands. "Nothing."

"I can never earn it?"

"You've already got it. I don't believe that forgiveness has to be earned. I believe it is given freely so that the one who was hurt does not have to harbor that hurt or grudge."