If Not for You (Completed)

Chapter 4: Kale

4 Kale

I wasn't sure if I'd stuck my foot in my mouth or if things had proceeded exactly the way I'd wanted them to. My heart ached for the feeling of friendship and companionship Kazzi had once given me; for the feeling of being loved, and despite that, I wanted to push her away. She would never understand my reasons for doing so even if I explained them to her, so, in my mind, it was better to just make her think I didn't care.

But I couldn't stand the sound of her crying. It melted a part of me that I'd spent years packing ice around. If I did the smart thing, and left, it would take me years more to re-harden my heart, and a lifetime to try and forget. I stood outside her door for a long time, the sound of her sobs wrenching me until I couldn't stand it anymore. Retreating back to my designated room, I closed the door behind me and let my eyes sweep the area.

There was a strong sense of jealousy in me, more than I'd care to admit, that someone, at one time, had gotten Kazzi pregnant. I was glad for her. She'd done exactly what I'd wanted her to do, and moved on, but there was still that hint of sadness that it had been someone else, and not me. Something had obviously happened to the child if Kazzi was so hurt by this room, and if losing her baby felt anything like losing my sister had, then it was a pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Certainly not on Kazzi.

I pursed my lips as I ventured into the room and skimmed my fingers over the edge of the crib before picking up a little stuffed elephant. It was pink, with purple ears, and I caught myself smiling as I rubbed the soft fur between my fingers before setting it down. Turning, I moved to the bed and sat on the edge with a sigh. Grimacing in discomfort as I bent over, I sucked my breath between my teeth and opened the nightstand drawer, hoping Kazzi had a book of something non-vampire laying around.

Instead, I found pictures. Tons of them.

My fingers seemed to have minds of their own as they picked up a handful of twisted and turned photographs and straightened them out before sorting through them. A beautiful baby girl was the focus of every picture. She had auburn hair, like Kazzi's, with big brown eyes and a dimpled smile sporting only one tooth. The following picture was of the little girl with Kazzi, the both of them grinning wide for the selfie. I didn't think I'd ever seen Kazzi smile so brightly as she did with that child in her arms.

"Her name was Kailee." Kazzi's voice came from behind me, and I was startled so hard I dropped the pictures to the floor. I hadn't even heard the door open.

"I didn't mean to snoop. I was just..."

She shook her head as she crossed the room, knelt on the floor in front of me, and began slowly picking up the pictures. Her expression was forcibly stoic, and though the pain in my ribs thundered with every breath, I slid off the bed to help her.

"You said her name was Katie?"

"Kailee." She corrected, not looking at me. "I named her after you."

I pursed my lips, not sure how to respond to that; not sure if I was flattered or disturbed that she'd woven me into her relationship with someone else. Letting out a slow breath, I picked up the pictures, looking at each one as I tucked them between my fingers.

"What happened to her?" I asked softly.

Kazzi shook her head as she picked up the pictures, froze on one of her and the girl together before pressing a hand to her lips and falling back onto her seat with a barely contained sob. Clutching the picture to her heart, she sat on the floor and cried, tears dripping off her chin to speckle the remaining photos on the floor.

I didn't know what to do, but I couldn't just leave her to her heartache. Stepping over the pictures, I sat beside her and pulled her into my arms. She came willingly, her head rested against my chest as her entire body shook against mine. I held her tightly, offering whatever comfort I could without allowing myself to get too close. But when she finally turned and wrapped her arms around me, holding me close to her as she cried, every last piece of my stubborn resolve shattered.