Suck it and see

cupcakes and roses

warning: mention of death and suicide, if any of you are sensetive about those topics, please don't read this chapter. just wanted to warn you guys.

The door opened and before Alex even saw her, the delicious smell of baked stuff greeted him, together with his girlfriend, she looked at his eyes and Alex knew it was the right desicion to give her some hours to calm down.

It was past midnight but Alex knew she would still be up. He looked back at her and gave her a shy smile, then put up his hand, in which he held a single white rose that he 'stole' out of a garden on his way.

"You said you'd only meet with boys who bring you flowers" he said and saw that she wasn't angry at him, that she was glad he came. Abby took it softly and gave him a smile in return, but didn't answer, she was sorry, he saw that.

"So...can I come in and help you with the topping?" he asked and smiled when she looked a little confused at him. "Well...you always make cupcakes when you had a stressful or shitty day...or something on your mind. Sometimes you also bake those french thingies"
 "Macarons, they're macarons" she replied quietly.
 "Exactly those. I smell cupcakes, so...can I come in and help you?" he asked again with a soft voice.

Abby looked at his chest and noded, then took his hand and pulled him inside, indeed in there the smell was overwhealmingly good. Alex secretly loved this habit of hers, she really always baked something when something was giving her a hard time.

Alex took off the jaket and his shoes while she put the single rose in a high glass and on the kitchentable, next to a bouquet of Lillies he had given her a few days ago, somehow this flower-giving became a thing. He also knew she loved to always have flowers around her.

Abby leaned against the table and waited for him to get to the kitchen area of her appartment.

"Alex..." "Yes love?" he got in front of her and she looked at him
 "Alex, I'm sory. Really. I know I was unfair...and what I said...wasn't nice, but you have to understand that...that this topic is..." she fell silent again and stroke her hair back.
 Alex took another step, so their faces were only centimetres away
 "I understand that honey. And I'm sorry for bringing it up again, I shouldn't have pushed you that way, that was wrong of me. I...I had no idea that she's dead, and I am so terribly sorry" he answered and took her softly by her shoulders and kept on looking into her eyes.
 "I love you, and you can always talk to me about it, when you feel like it, I won't ever ask about her, ok"
 Abby noded, obviously relieved "Thank you Alex, and sorry again...the way I reacted wasn't fair at all...I mean...you have a right to know the story, and you did not want to hurt me, I know that"

He gave her a soft kiss on her lips after which she simply hugged him tight. Their moment got interrupted by the alarm clock on the oven.
 Alex smiled and turned towards it, opening the stove and took a knife to check if the cupcakes were ready.

"Wow...seems like you've paid attention when I'm baking" she said smiling as he took a towel and got out the cupcakes. Alex smiled at her and put them on the surface "I always pay attention to what you're doing, freckles"

"So what topping do you want to do? You said you'll help me, so you can choose" she announced and pourred both a small glass of wine.

*

After they had finished preparing the cupcakes, they had cuddled themselves into her bed. It was smaller than Alex's so they were 'forced' to lay closer, what was no problem because Alex couldn't sleep properly when she wasn't laying in his arms.

"Alex..." "Yes hun?"
 "I...I'll tell you, ok. I'll tell you as much as I can right now...but please don't ask questions, and when I'm finished I don't want to talk about it, ok?" she asked carefully, but making clear what she wanted.

Alex stroke gently over her cheek with his thumb and noded "I promise, I won't ask" he assured. He was glad that she had decided to tell him, but also he had the feeling that a heartbreaking and sad story would be told tonight.

*

After she finished telling the basic story, she had fallen asleep in his arms, while he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep at all, too many things were on his mind. What she told him was the saddest story he had ever heared and felt more than sorry for Abby, he couldn't imagine what would have been if something like that would have happened to him.

Abby had started with the event that had caused everything. She was eleven and with her older brother, not Dorian, the one Alex had met the other night, in her mother's car, driving home from a friends house.

They had an accident because a stranger was driving too fast and lost controle over his car, crashing into theirs. Her brother had died in that car, while all she had still left were the scars on her body.
 Their mother also survived the accident. Abby had told him about her brother's funeral and how she thought her live would end. After it her mother had fallen into a deep depression, making herself responsible for her child's death. But how could anyone expect any human to get back to their normal life after something terrible like a loved ones death happened.
 Abby told him her mother was in therapy and all but nothing helped. Abby didn't go into detail and Alex respected it. She said that she wanted him to know what happened, but the why and how, she would tell him at a different time. Also Alex could see how much it exhausted her mentally to speak about it, so he kept his promise and didn't asky anything. He let her speak, listened, gave her his love and support, and she loved him for doing so.

Also Alex was a little glad she didn't told that many details because what he heared was enough for him to handle already. Because her brother wasn't the only loss of the accident. The second one happened three years later, when her mother had killed herself and it was Abby who found her.

In the moment she told Alex, he wanted to slap himself hard for pushing her earlier to tell him. But also he understood a little bit more about the woman he loved. Why she was so complicated sometimes and why she had habits that previous girlfriends had not.  

After her mother's death her father decided that they should start somewhere else, So she moved to Dublin with her father and younger brother, and since then the rest of the family hated her, because at the wedding she met Alex, it was her mother's side of the family and they all somehow thought, stupid as they have ever been, that she had something to do with her mother's death.

Alex had never felt so sorry in his whole life, he also never heared such a terrible story, and it was a mystery to him how Abby had the strength to keep on going. What she told him before storming out of his appartment earlier that night kept on echoing in his head "for the past ten years,  there's no fucking day that I don't think of her"

While he laid there, not able to sleep, repeating fragments of her words over and over in his mind, he held her tight to his chest. Abby was sleeping, exhausted from their argument earlier, and even more done after telling him, and he realised what amount of trust she must have needed to tell him all that, that she loved him so much to share her story with him, that she knew he would not use any of this information against her. Somehow after this night their relationship would be on a new, a higher level, he felt that somehow, and this was a good sign.

Alex put a soft kiss on her forehead and then looked at her sleeping face, maybe she had that face that said 'baby I was made to break your heart' but in this case, he was willing to let her break it, because he felt like he could never love any other woman beside her.

__

alright guys, the last update for now. My finals are only some weeks ahead and I really have to concentrate on that.
 I'm not quite sure how everything will turn out after school, actually I'm planning to travel by myself for some time, so I really can't promise you anything about the stories here.
 Thank you so much for reading, commenting, voting and messaging me, I got to know some really awesome unicorns on here! and defenitely i will continue when the time's right :)

love you all xx