Silver lining ★ {S.R x Reader} ✔︎

𝐸𝑝𝑖𝑙𝑜𝑔𝑢𝑒

5 YEARS LATER...

It's hard to imagine your life 7 or so years ago, when you used to sit in a crappy apartment with Taylor, allowing him to spend your money, break your thinks, and inflict harm onto your body.

Thinking about your life now, it's hard to think that you used to think more about dying than about living. 

It's hard to think that you once believed that you deserved the pain inflicted on you by Taylor and your father. 

"Mommy! Daddy! Mommy! Daddy!" your daughter yelled, jumping up and down on your and Spencers' bed.

"What is it, my love?" you asked tiredly, sitting up in bed.

"IS CHWISTMASSSSSS!!!!" she screamed, wrapping her arms around your neck.

"IT'S CHRISTMAS!" Spencer shouted, jumping out of bed, picking your daughter up, and spinning her around excitedly. 

"CAN WE OPEN OUR PWESENTS?" She asked bouncing in Spencer's arms.

"Let me go get Oliver and I'll meet you two downstairs" you chimed in tiredly pulling yourself out of bed.

"Ok, ok, ok!" The toddler is Spencer's arms beamed.

Wandering into the nursery, you picked the 6-month-old baby out of his crib and held him close to your chest. 

Of course, he was awake already and staring curiously up at you, lifting his tiny arms up to your face, and making an attempt to touch your nose. He failed and decided to pull your hair. 

"Ouch" you mumbled, carrying him downstairs and setting him down on the carpet by the Christmas tree, letting him loose on the presents under the Christmas tree with his 4-year-old sister.

"Do you think you can read what it says on the card?" Spencer asked your daughter, she nodded looked at the writing, and read aloud.

"D-Dear... Alexandra Charlotte Reid... M....Me...Merry... Chri Christ...mas... CHWISTMAS!... Love... Mommy and D-Daddy!" She clapped when she finished.

"Liv you are so smart!" Spencer exclaimed happily, of course, Spencer was going to be the parent that educated the kids the best. 

It was good for them, Alex was already the most advanced reader in her class, but with parents like hers, who was surprised.

You watched as Spencer helped your children unwrap their presents, both of them screaming and giggling hysterically.

The funniest part for you was that Oliver was only 6 months old, he had no idea what was going on, he was just mimicking Alex's happiness, but that was enough to make for a very jolly atmosphere in your household. 

As you watched your family, your mind wandered to how different my life would have been if you had made different choices. 

How if you decided to end your life on the many occasions where you were left wondering what the point of life was, then you wouldn't be living through the wonderful part of this life.

If you had decided to let your past, and your trauma, dictate your future then you wouldn't have the family you have now. 

For a large part of your life, you were convinced happiness was impossible for you, after everything you have been through, it was easy to fall down the hole of self-doubt and disappointment. 

But now things have changed because you did the impossible, you did what you believed you could do, you are happy. 

Happiness can always be found, if you decide that, that is what you want. 

Of course, I won't sell you a lie that everything has been sunshine and rainbows every day, that's not how life works. 

It's not like you just got married and your mental illnesses disappeared, but you learned one of the most important life lessons a person can learn... Not to let it take over your life. 

Pain does not last forever even if you sometimes think it will.

In the past, you have felt lost, alone, and broken, and you have found unhealthy ways to cope with those feelings. 

Now, you didn't feel the need to destroy yourself to cope, sometimes but rarely if ever did you crave the unhealthy mechanisms. 

For the whole of Christmas day, you, Spence, and the kids hung out together, playing games eating food, and generally being silly together. 

At midday, Spencer disappeared off for a while to make dinner, while you helped Alex build her lego doctor who tardis, then you helped her read one of the books Spencer had bought her, while Oliver napped in your arms. 

In the evening after Christmas dinner, you all sat in the living room around the fire, eating chocolate. 

"Daddy, can you weed us a stowy?" Alex asked crawling off your lap and onto Spencers.

"Ok, but get comfortable. Hold on... Mommy lie here" Spencer instructed pointing to the gap between his legs. 

"Excuse me?" You questioned giggling at Spencer calling you mommy, it's not like he hasn't before, it's not like he's going to talk to your kids about you, addressing me by your name, but you still found it funny.

"Lie here" Spencer chuckled, sighing, you lay down between his legs, with your head resting on his chest, while Oliver lay on your chest, and Alex snuggled into your side.
"Are we all ready?" Spencer asked

"YEAH!" Alex screamed, and the baby made his usual baby noises.

"Ok, then we shall begin...'Here is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin. It is, as far as he knows, the only way of coming downstairs.'..."

There is something that you think about a lot, a saying that seems so insignificant but hits you hard as if it speaks to yourself itself, it's a saying that keeps you calm and grounded. 

The saying is... 

'There is a blue sky under the grey, there is the sun hiding behind the rain. Every cloud has a S͎i͎l͎v͎e͎r͎ L͎i͎n͎i͎n͎g͎' - George Lashwood

THE END