⚠︎︎TRIGGER WARNING⚠︎︎ ⚠︎︎MAJOR WARNING -- Self Harm -- GRAPHIC⚠︎︎ ⚠︎︎major depressive episode, mention of suicidal thoughts, and scars.⚠︎︎ ☁︎︎
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☁︎︎ April 2010
Everyone had hope for you after Olivia's funeral, they hoped it was the closure that you needed but unfortunately they were wrong.
For a while even the team wasn't aware of how bad it had gotten for you, Spencer knew of course, but he struggled to help you.
For some time he was able to stay with you while you grieved, but he couldn't stay forever, and soon he had to return to work.
While working he would call you three times a day to make sure you were ok, and while on cases Penelope would stay over to give you company.
Not that you particularly wanted the company, it's not like she'd come round and you'd do arts and crafts together. Most of the time, you'd be in bed, and she would just sit by you, and sometimes ramble on about her favorite tv show.
You barely spoke, you barely moved, you ate very little, you just could bring yourself to do any of it.
You wondered what the point of living was without Olivia.
Spencer could feel you slipping away from him.
It was painful for him to watch.
It's not like you two were a couple or anything, you hadn't gotten that far yet, but there was no denying what you felt for each other.
Spencer could even go as far as to say that he had 'fallen in love' with you... And now he was losing you.
"Y/n I'm off to work now" Spencer mentioned popping his head round the door.
"Hm," you hummed quietly staring blankly at the wall.
"I left some food out for you" He added. "I'll be back at 7 ok?"
"Hm," you hummed again.
"Ok, see you later" he mumbled before leaving the apartment. You waited to hear the door shut, then you quickly opened the bedside table drawer and felt around for the sharp blade you had hidden inside.
Lifting your sleeve, you stared at the new cut that you had created in recent weeks. It felt so right to hurt yourself, even when you knew it was wrong.
Before her death, Olivia asked you to keep fighting, to stay alive, but to you the only way you could keep fighting to stay alive with nothing to help you cope.
Clenching your fist, you pushed the blade into your skin, and dragged it down your arm, watching the damage the blade would cause your skin.
At first, the skin would go red, and then after a couple more moments, the blood would rise to the surface.
