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"Reid, I sent you home to get some rest" Hotch sighed as Spencer dragged himself into the conference room, Spencer didn't say anything.
"Reid, you get any sleep?" Derek asked, looking up at the tired-looking agent.
Spencer had naturally dark circles under his eyes, which meant he always looked tired, but it was very noticeable when he was actually tired because those dark circles turned an almost purple color.
On top of that Spencer's hair was a mess, he looked like a mess. It wasn't exactly surprising to the team, given the current situation, but nonetheless, it was quite a sight.
"What do you think?" Spencer mumbled grumpily as slumped down onto his seat.
"Reid didn't I tell you to get some sleep and not to come back until you did?" Hotch questioned authoritatively folding his arms as he stared down at the young genius.
"And I told you it would be pointless because I wouldn't be able to rest!" Spencer snapped. "All you have done is waste my time. Y/n has been missing for 22 hours and 36 minutes now, and we have no way of finding her!"
"Kid, calm down," Derek said gently.
"Don't kid me! I don't want to be kid'ed right now! I... I..." Spencer paused as tears welled up in his eyes.
He was exhausted, and broken, he felt like he had let you down, he promised he'd keep you safe, he promised that he'd always be there for you, yet here he was, and you were nowhere to be found.
"Reid, we'll find her," Emily said softly.
"And how long will that take?" Spencer questioned ignoring the stray tear rolling down his face. "Days? Weeks? Years?... How much damage will be done by that time? Who's to say Y/n's not dead already?"
"Don't say that!" Penelope burst out angrily, her eyes filling with warm salty tears. "She's not dead!"
The room fell silent, it was one thing for Spencer to be snappy, but Penelope was rarely like this if ever.
No one said anything, I mean sure they could sit there and reassure Penelope and Spencer that you were going to be fine, and everything was going to be ok, but even they didn't believe it themselves.
They say knowledge is power, and yes that is true, but it's also a form of torture. Spencer was well aware of this, he had been aware of this for many years.
It's partly why people also say ignorance is bliss because sometimes being ignorant can bring hope, but if you're Spencer and you know the statistics of positive outcomes of certain situations or you're someone who studies cases like yours all the time, it's hard to ignore the looming probabilities.
