Torn Between The Two

12

Ximena Kai Carter

I quickly finished cleaning the kitchen and took out the garbage.
Amir was back in town and he was on his way over.
Making my way back upstairs, I quickly hopped in the shower to get cleaned up.
When I got out, I dressed in a simple black PINK leggings and a black sports bra.
My hair was pulled back in a neat ponytail and my face was as bare as can be.
I sighed hearing the doorbell.

I felt like I needed to tell Amir about Nasir but I just didn't know how to without feeling like I'll lose him.
I quickly plastered on a smile and headed to the door.

"Hey baby" he smiled as he leaned on the wall across from my door.
I couldn't help but to smile at him.
He definitely got his hair cut recently and he was dressed up a bit; a white T-shirt with Balmain written in big bold letters in the front, black jeans and his black and white Jordan flights.
I pulled him into a hug inhaling his cologne.
"I missed you Pooh" I pouted.
He gently tilted my chin upwards and kissed me.
"I missed you more" I moved so he could enter and closed the door behind him.
"I cooked. Your food is in the oven"
He headed straight for the kitchen.
Grabbing both of our plates he made his way back to the living room while I got us something to drink.
We ate in comfortable peace as re runs of two and a half men played in the background.
"I used to love this shit when I was a kid. I always wanted to have all the bitches like Uncle Charlie" he said making me scrunch up my face.
"Boy!" We both laughed at my reaction.
-
As we both laid cuddled up, fingers intertwined, I couldn't push the thoughts of all the things I've did with Nasir.
I so badly wanted to tell Amir, I just had to figure out a way to.
"Mena"
"Huh?" I raised up to look at him.
"Baby there's something I need to tell you" As if on cue my heart rate increased.
I really hope he wasn't planning to say anything lovey dovey.
"What's up babe?" I questioned.

He stared at me for awhile, trying to read my face.
"A couple weeks after we started talking I had to go Hawaii to deal with some stuff. While I was down there" he paused for a second "I ran into Mirah, my ex"
I furrowed my eyebrows hoping this wasn't going where I thought it was.
He continued. "We went to this hangout spot just to catch up and we drank a little too much. One thing led to another and we fucked"
Something in me broke at that very moment. I didn't even care if I fucked Nasir now because this happened before I even had sex with Nasir.
"Oh wow" was all I could have said at that moment.
"When I went back down there I found out she was pregnant. Not gonna lie to you, the kid is mine"

I just nodded. At this point, there was nothing else I could do.
Clearly we both had two different things going on.
Am I upset?
I'm furious but I can't stop him.
I know he's going to want to be there for her and the kid.
"That's all you're going to say?" He questioned.
I shrugged.
"Ximena please talk to me. Im not saying Mirah and I are together but this is my first child. I would like to be apart of his or her life but I'm not gonna be playing house with her"

I looked at him. I took in his beautiful features.
I started to imagine what the kid will probably look like. I just couldn't imagine having to deal with any drama that may occur; especially baby mama drama.
"Look Amir, this is a lot to process right now. I don't want to say the wrong words. I need some time, okay?"
I got up from the couch.
"You can leave when you're ready" I said as I walked to my room closing the door behind me.
I couldn't cry.
As angry as I was, I couldn't cry.
I still felt like I needed to tell him about Nasir.
Right now just wasn't the time.
I heard the door closed which meant that he had left.
I sighed heavily, burying my face in my pillow.
Slowly, I drifted off to sleep.
-
"Mena, get up!" I groaned as I felt someone shaking me.
"I'm up dammit! I'm up!" I opened my eyes and saw Farrah standing over me.

"Did you forget our breakfast date?"
"Yeah I did. I'm sorry" I sat up in bed and came to the realization that lastnight wasn't a dream after all.
It was reality.
"You never sleep in like this. What's wrong?" She sat beside me taking my hand in hers.

Staring at her, I felt like I just needed to tell someone.
"I had sex with Nasir the night at the club" I bit my lip anticipating her reaction.
"Woah what? You did what ? When?" She looked confused.
"When I went to the washroom he followed me. I tried to get away from him but he locked the door that's why you couldn't get in"
"But that was like a month ago. How is that affecting you now ?" She gasped.
"Are you pregnant?"
"NO!" I shouted. She breathe a sigh of relief.
"So what's wrong Ximena?" That's when the tears came.
"Amir had sex with Mirah a few months ago and she's pregnant" she pulled me into a hug.
"Oh my God babe I'm sooo sorry" she rubbed my back in a soothing manner.
"I can't do it. I can't. I don't want to be the bad person but I just can't"
She rocked us back and forth.
It took a little while for me to calm down but when I did I decided that it was time to tell Amir about Nasir.
I grabbed my phone.
"I'm going to tell Amir about Nasir"
"Are you sure now is a good time?" She asked.
"I feel like it's time to get it over with"
She nodded.
I went to his contact and sent him a quick message by passing all the messages he sent lastnight and earlier today.

We need to talk
seen 12:35 pm

AmirP❤️: okay I'll  come by within the next 10 mins
Seen 12:38pm

I didn't bother replying.
"He's going to be here in a few. Can you stay?"
She nodded.
"I'll stay in your room. You'll need your privacy"
I decided to take a much needed shower, washing hair in the process.
I got out and brushed my teeth, taking a look at my reflection in the mirror.
I didn't look a mess but I felt like one.
I know this conversation with Amir wasn't going to be good but I needed to get it off my chest.
I needed to break free from everything.
I needed to find time to do me.
Walking into my room, I used the towel to dry my hair getting excess water out of my hair.
After handling my hygiene stuff, I got dress in a simple spaghetti floral short dress and left my hair down to air dry.
I sprayed a little perfume and headed out the room.
Farrah was on her phone talking to her mom so I decided to give her some privacy and get something to eat in the process.
I made some cereal and sat on the couch and ate flipping through the channel.
I didn't want to watch anything in particular so I just settle for reruns of Friends.
I heard knocking at the door and put my bowl of cereal on the table in front of me.
I got up fixing my clothes then headed for the door.
Amir stood on the other end, looking like he barely had any sleep.
"Hey" I said.
"Hey babe" I stepped aside so he could enter.
"You look like you didn't get any sleep" I said trying to break the ice.
He sat next to me sighing.
"I didn't. You know I hate not hearing from you. It was messing with my mental lastnight" I looked at him feeling sad about everything and the way it was playing out.
"I have something to say too. I don't know what'll happen after this but I just want you to always do what's best for you"
He looked at me like he was really breaking down inside.
"I had sex with someone else a month ago. It wasn't planned and I was tipsy. I'm not going to blame my actions on the alcohol though. Prior to that the same person has given me head a couple of times. I'm sorry" I couldn't bare to look at him so I just looked at the television.
"You a hoe bruh. Can't believe I even fucked with yo hoe ass"
As the words registered to me, I ate it like nothing.
Of course he would say that. Any man would.
I didnt feel like arguing so I ignored him causing him to storm out, slamming the door.
I sighed as the tears slipped out of my eyes and on to the pillows I had on my leg.
"Mena" I heard Farrah said as she entered the living room.
I looked up at her breaking down.
I fell to the floor just sobbing, about everything.
She got down with me and held me as my body shook from crying so hard.
"He called me a hoe Farrah a hoe!" I cried.
"It's my fault!" I convinced myself.
"Baby no it's not. Shhh" she rubbed my back trying to sooth me but I knew it couldn't.
I just ruin something that I really wanted because I couldn't control how another man made me feel.

Maybe Amir is right.