𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐑𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐬 (𝐀 𝐃𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐌𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐅𝐚𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐜)

chapter twenty-eight: amends

"Am i going crazy, or did that sound a lot like james?" dave asked me, more shocked than annoyed. It was almost midnight, theres no way that was james. Probably just someone who sounded like him...

"I'll go check it out" i said, and wrapped dave's coat around me. I saw gar's car nearby. Could it have been him that yelled that? I thought he left. I rapped on the driver's side window very lightly. Whoever was in the car didn't roll down the window like i'd hoped he would, but instead unlocked it, indicating i should get in the car. I wish i could see who it was.. I assumed it was james, although it didn't make any sense why he would be here yelling at us in the middle of the night. I started to walk to the passenger side, when i was yelled at. But it came from behind me, not from the car...

"How could you not tell me, jackie" it was james... i spun to face him and he walked towards me. I raised an eyebrow, utterly confused. He grabbed my hand and dragged me into the darkness of the woods.

"Jame's, why are you here? What's wrong?" i asked him. He still hadn't let go of my arm.

"You have a kid?" he asked me, sounding so incredibly hurt. I looked behind us, the car wasn't even in sight anymore. I nodded shamefully

"I just- i didn't know how to mention it" i put my free hand gently on his chest "and i was still mad at you... i would have told you after your tour" i whispered. He let go of me and looked down. He sniffed. I lifted his chin up so he would look at me. He was crying. I wiped his tears with my thumb. "Don't cry" i said softly "why are you crying?"

"I want it to be me" he practically sobbed and wrapped his arms tightly around me, holding me close to him. I could feel his tears on my neck.

"I know" i said soothingly "i know..." he kissed my neck just a little cutely. I rubbed his back, and shushed him, anything to calm him down. I knew he was attracted to me- but i never knew it was to the extent he would cry right in front of me.

"Why can't it be me" he cried "i love you... i'm so sorry for everything i've done to you" i started to tear up a bit too. I bit my lip so i wouldn't cry. I'd be lying if i didn't think about how different my life would be if i'd kept james' baby.. Or if i'd let him kiss me when i left dave and i'd never met donny. Where would i be now?

"She's beautiful... you would love her, james" i said, silent tears streaming down my cheeks. Why was i feeling this way?

"Well yeah" he sniffed "the two hottest people making a baby- she's going to be beautiful" he wasn't really crying anymore.

"Don't be mean" i said quietly "can you just... learn to live with the fact that im not an option? It wasn't meant to be, james... but it's not all or nothing. I love you, but you need to learn to be in love with someone else" he sniffed again, and nodded

"I think i could do that"

"Good" i said. Hand in hand we started to walk back to the car, but maybe twenty feet short of it, i stopped, suddenly remembering someone was in that car. Someone wanted me to get in... but who? My mind and heart started to race, as my body stayed frozen in fear. I gripped james' hand as tight as i could muster

"Someone's in that car..." how could i explain that, for all i know, that was donny. He didn't even know who donny was. only junior, gar, and dave, as well as the authorities knew about that.

"No, love, come on i'll walk you back" he said. I didn't argue. I needed to tell dave. He would understand and do something about it. Dave would know what to do. Dave was asleep and i shook him awake roughly with one hand, makins sure james held on to the other one. I couldn't lose him.

"Its donny, dave. Wake up. He's here. I just know it" i was whispering hysterically, my voice cracking at the fact i had to say his name out loud. We never talked about it.

"It was just a nightmare baby" he groaned tiredly "come back to sleep... he can't hurt you darling, come back to bed i'll keep you safe" he tried pulling me down in the sleeping bag with him. I didn't blame him, i sounded crazy, and he hadn't been getting enough sleep lately.

"If i die it's you're fault" i muttered and zipped the tent back up. I looked to james pleadingly "will you.. Stay here tonight, please?"

"Sure... i don't understand what's happening, but sure"

"It doesn't matter. Dave is probably right. But if we could just sit out here for a while..." i suggested.

"Here? It's like thirty degrees!"

"I know, but i need to be in sight of the car..." i said distractedly, not letting myself look away from it. he nodded and we sat up against a tree, saying nothing. He put his arm around me, trying to keep me warm. I fell asleep first. I don't remember doing it. But i definitely dreamed of donny. That was all that was in my mind. James kept having to wake me up because of the nightmares. Eventually i faded into a sleep of black void. No donny.