Konosuba x Male Reader

A Semi-Loving Hand

???: So I've finally returned. All this time I waited in the darkness waiting for a light to reveal the path forward for me. I do not know what the world holds for me but... I do know this. There is always a light in the darkness-

Darkness: Yes I'm Darkness?

Kazuma: That's my thing! Now can you stop with the stupid monologue and help us?!

It was soon revealed that Kazuma was sitting in a cart racing off into the distance away from a dark cloud of dust. This cart also housed the driver, Wiz, Megumin, and Aqua. And the sounds of strangled moans and yelps in the distance is Darkness tangled in a rope and being dragged by said cart. Now you're most likely wondering how we got here? Ah yes well, it all started with-

Kazuma: No no no! We're not doing a flashback! We've kinda got a bunch of running hawk kites on our tail! That and I'm pretty sure (Y/n) Is dead?

What? Now I'm sure that can't be right- Right as that was said the cart hit a spectacular bump and the seemingly lifeless, bandage-covered, body of you flew up, smacking face-first into a wooden beam before flopping back to the bottom of the cart.

(Y/n): L-Light... darkness...

Aqua: A-Ah no no no none of that! Don't go into the light and don't even think of Darkness!

The cart bumbled along, dust kicking up under its wheels as the sounds of the approaching horde of birds grew closer in between Darkness and her weird moans and groans. The blue haired goddess stumbled toward the back of the cart toward the strange noises to heal the crusader and also somehow managed to step onto your stomach using it as pedastal to propel herself safely forward. 

Aqua: Sorry (Y/n)! Heal, heal, heal heal, heal!

Wiz took the time and try and prop your head up, trying to avoid any unnecessary damage to your head. Truthfully, everyone was worried about the fact your personality seemed to change at the drop of a hat. And everyone was hoping you would be back to normal soon, except Aqua who was still waiting for her chance to get a (Y/n) of her very own. The cart once more hit a bump and your head slipped from Wiz's hands and smacked against the floor. Your (E/c) eyes slide open and your hand lifted to gaze upon your bandandge-covered fingers.

(Y/n): What... happened... I feel like I was used as a piece of comedy rather than a serious emotional character...

Megumin: Eh... kinda... I did like the weird suit (Y/n) though.

Aqua: Don't you dare mention him again! Why can't I get my own (Y/n)?! Wait...

It was then Aqua thought about something... before turning slowly to look at you. A chill would have run down your spine had you not been dazed. The goddess took this moment to move away from the opening in the cart to move over your body, accidentally stepping on your knee before standing over you. Now we could answer the age old question of what Aqua wears but you didn't get to look up for long as Aqua promptly dropped your head, allowing the back of your skull to collide with the tumbling wooden floor. Aqua let her hands grasp each other before rubbing them like a villainess as she awaited to see what personality she had you download this time. As your eyes peeled back open you couldn't help but glare up at the goddess.

(Y/n): What the hell... Aqua that hurt!

You declared, trying to lift yourself back up just in time for the cart to speed up, the change in force throwing your head back into the floor.

Megumin: Aqua, quit tying to change him! We just got him back to normal!

Aqua: Ah! You're just saying that cause you got your own (Y/n) with the funny suit! Even Darkness got flirted with!