Konosuba x Male Reader

Is It Wrong to Pick up Girls in A Castle?

(Y/n): Don't you think you were a little mean Kazuma?

Aqua was sobbing on a table in front of you from what Kazuma said. You just stood there awkwardly with Megumin and Darkness.

Aqua: You're so cruel!

Kazuma clenched his fist and stared at the goddess in anger. What happened to make him so upset?

???: Emergency! Emergency! All adventurers arm yourselves at once and gather at the front gate, ready for battle! 

Everyone rushed out of the guild and you were dragged behind Darkness as you made it to the front gate. 

???: That's no laughing matter!

The sky roared as a flash of lightning lit up the hill revealing a knight. He or she seemed normal till you realized their head was not on their shoulders. Now you've dealt with frogs and cabbages, but this was a little too much. Like any good cliche... you fainted and hit the ground falling backward.

???: Is he ok?!

???: What happened?!

???: Hold it!

The person who spoke was Megumin. She approached you and kneeled by your side letting her cloak wave in the breeze.

Megumin: I know what must be done.

Megumin set her staff to the side and cupped your cheeks. She leaned down staring intently at your face. Her breath mingled with yours as her lips hovered over yours. Then she proceeded to lean back and deliver the most painful of sucker punches to your stomach. 

(Y/n): Why?!

You leaned up with a traumatized look on your face, clutching your stomachs.

Megumin: What? You had to wake up somehow.

Megumin gave you a closed-eyed smile as she shrugged. 

???: Who is the screw loose imbecile who keeps firing explosion magic at my castle every single day?!

You turned teary-eyed to the hill to see the headless knight screaming at the crowd.

(Y/n): Oh boy...

???: What was that?!

You were pushed forward into the dirt. Your scarf managed to wrap around your face so you made it back to a standing position pulling at your scarf. Then someone from behind you pulled it and it somehow returned to its normal position.

???: Well?!

(Y/n): Heh well you see... I um... I would just like to say... This is megumin's fault, all of it.

Megumin: Traitor!

???: Did you shoot an explosion at my castle boy?!!

(Y/n): Technically yes. Emotionally? No.

???: No matter! You're coming with me!

(Y/n): Eh? 

A chain wrapped around your ankle as you watched the headless guy began to run off with his horse. Apparently, the chain had some slack as you stood there for a second. Then the chain tightened and you were dragged up the hill.

(Y/n): To be honest, I feel betrayed.

You spoke to yourself as you managed to hit every bump and rock being dragged down the road to the castle you used as target practice. After the fun ride to the castle, you arrived a full 5 seconds behind the guy as he picked up the chain and began to drag you again.

(Y/n): Can I walk on my own legs, please?

???: No!

(Y/n): Why not?

???: Because I'm upset and I don't feel like letting you get up.

(Y/n): Are things bad at home son?

???: What? Wait... shut up you're a prisoner!

He kicked open a door and threw you inside. 

???: Enjoy!

He slammed the door. 

(Y/n): Ouch...

You tried to stand up only for something to pounce on you. 

(Y/n): Oof!

???: Yay you're finally here!

You looked up and spied a young girl. She had chestnut colored hair with bright happy eyes the same color. 

???: You're finally home husband.

(Y/n): Wait a minute!

You stood up and pulled her off your chest setting her in front of you.

(Y/n): This is a cliche story, but we are not going this far!

???: Oh I've always wanted to do this!

She took in a breath and looked at you with a smile.

???: Welcome home dear! Would you like your dinner? A bath? Ooooooor me?

(Y/n): Who left this sassy child here?!

You pointed at her. 

???: I'm your new wife sweetie! 

(Y/n): Ok calm down for one second. What is your name?

Lili: I'm your wife Lili!

(Y/n): When did we get married?

Lili: I've been in love with you ever since I saw you cast that spell the other day.

So the castle wasn't abandoned after all. 

(Y/n): Look I don't know what your feelings are, but I'm not interested in-

Lili: I thought you might say that. So I found the perfect spell for you.

Lili chanted something into her hand and then a pair of cat ears grew from her head. You clutched your chest and you felt your face contort into a heart squeezed form.

(Y/n): How did you know my weakness?

Lili: Well it this or losing your chips.

(Y/n): My ships!

Lili: No chips.

(Y/n): Not my chips!

You turned to run to the comforting arms of your chips, but things escalated. Lili moved quickly across the room and turned you to face her. She stared lovingly into your (E/c) eyes as she cupped your cheeks gently, pulling you into a sweet kiss. Your eyes widened as a blush spread across your face. You just met this girl and now you were making out. 

(Y/n) in mind: I know I'm gonna regret this, but what should we do?

(Y/n)'s Brain: Roll with it.

(Y/n) in mind: Thought so.

your arms snaked around Lili's waist as you kissed back. Who would've thought constantly being kissed would give you some experience? Lili kissed back feverishly as her hands raised to your head and she tangled her fingers in your hair. This reminded you of Aqua. You opened your eyes slightly pulling back just a tad. Lili noticed this and pulled away too. She kissed your jawline and then trailed each peck closer to your neck. She walked forward and pushed you onto a plush surface. A bed? Wait you weren't ready for this! Lili reached the crook of your shoulder pulling off your scarf and discarding it somewhere in the room. Then it all came to a close. Lili stopped moving. You looked up slightly to see the energetic girl was asleep. Her head resting in the crook of your neck. 

(Y/n): Goodnight Lili.

You tried to pry her off, but this time the girl was not going anywhere. You sighed and laid back resting on the first bed you had been on in weeks. You wrapped your arms around Lili to keep her warm and then sleep overtook you. You closed your eyes, holding the unknown girl close.

Lili: Thank you.

Lili whispered in her sleep as you both drifted into your own separate dreams.

(Hope you guys enjoyed the reference. Could this be hinting at something in the future? Who knows. Thanks again for reading and do please leave a comment. Bye bye)