Once A Lost Girl | Once Upon A Time Story | Peter Pan

03x09 - Going Home - Present

        We hauled ass back to the ship. My head was reeling, but I couldn't focus on that at the moment. I needed to just focus on getting back--on getting home--on getting to the Jolly Roger. Pan wasn't going to lay in that dirt forever.

        My heart was in my ears. It drowned out every thought. My legs and lungs burned, but we made it to the dock. The four of us ran onto the deck of the ship, Emma calling for Henry. I couldn't even breathe enough to speak. I steadied myself, standing by Mary Margaret over Henry's body. Regina knelt down to him, his heart still in her hand.

        "Hold on, Henry," she whispered, shoving his heart back into his chest. We all watched, not one breath between us. Henry didn't move. My eyes started burning, my chest following suit.

        "Are we too late?" Emma asked.

        "Henry?" Regina called desperately.

        One tense, silent moment, then Henry gasped and instinctively reached out for his mothers. Emma and Regina embraced him. I sighed, relieved and relaxing just slightly. He was okay. That's what matters.

        "Woah, woah, woah," Neal said, "Take it easy buddy."

        Henry looked between all of us. "I'm sorry. I wanted to save magic," he started, "I--I wanted to be a hero.

        "Hey, there's plenty of time for that." David smiled down at his grandson.

        Mary Margaret cut in, "Right now, it's time to rest."

        "Welcome back, young sir." Hook had on his signature smirk but instead of laced with playful mischief there was genuine delight behind his eyes. I smiled solemnly. "Only the best for our guest of honor, don't you think? Captain's Quarters." They walked off, Regina going with to tuck him in.

        I finally let myself breathe and walked off to the starboard bow, leaning against the railing. The others were freeing Gold from the box, so it was a small reprieve. I let out as much as I could, my tense muscles starting to relax. For the first time in what felt like forever I had a small amount of contentment. For now, I felt like a winner.

        Unfortunately with quiet comes thoughts. Like the fact that somehow I'd fallen in love with Rumplestiltskin's dad. How the hell does that even happen? I'd ask why he would lie, but this is Pan we're talking about. Is that even his real name? How old is he? Why trick children? Why pretend to be young? Why do that to me? Why me? What was so special about my existence? There's no way he actually loved me.

        "Hey," Mary Margaret said. I turned to face her. "How are you holding up?"

        "Henry's fine, so," I sighed. She shook her head.

        "I asked how you were. Not Henry. You know, with what you said in the cave and then the whole Peter Pan being--"

        I huffed, "yeah no. I don't know. I don't want to talk about it. I've looked the same as I did when I was nineteen for like thirty years and I really, really don't want to talk about this and definitely not with you." I could feel it--the knot in my throat. Even with my aggression, Mary Margaret didn't flinch.

        "Okay. Well, when you're ready, I'm here. Or someone else will be. We're about to set sail." She left me, walking back to the main part of the deck.

        Everyone gathered up, Emma, Neal and the Charmings in the center of the ship with the coconut and a cannon; Regina was at the helm, standing ready. Neal held the coconut over the cannon, Emma lighting the fuse. Just before it popped, Neal opened the Shadow's prison. It shot into the air, Regina binding it to the main sail on the ship. Hook called for us to weigh anchor, and into the clouds we went.

        Flying in a boat was definitely less rocky than sailing in one. I kept to myself, watching the clouds pass underneath. Everyone else seemed to be having pleasant conversations anyway. Far be it from me to sully anyone's good mood with my brooding. I did catch Wendy handing Tink a vial of pixie dust. Of course. How much of the stuff did Pan really have?

        Thinking was just making my stomach turn. So instead, I let my mind go. I let it wander to anywhere else. Daydreams I hadn't thought of in years; the fun times I had with Red while under the Dark Curse. Right now, escape was all I had. Everything else was too painful.

        "You know, for all that both of us have changed, you still make the same expression when something is on your mind." Neal joined me at the railing of the ship. "what's turning in your head?"

        "You were right, Neal," I sighed, "All your family can do is take from me. What happened on the first trip? That's on me. Rumple convinced me to take the second--and the whole time I was trying to save you from your grandfather who--who just--"

        "He manipulated you into thinking he was a good guy and you were crazy," Neal said. That word stuck in my mind. Manipulated. "He tricked you into loving him, that isn't your fault."

        "I came back again." It started getting hot. My breath caught in my throat and tears threatened to fall. "I came back to save your son."

        "Both times you were doing the right thing, Elyssa. You were helping people you cared about."

        "And what did I get?" I snapped, "more manipulation? More pain? Everyone hates me--your ex-girlfriend was ready to snap my neck and throw me on the cave floor. And after that? Still didn't trust me. I gave everything and what did I get? The knowledge that your family has been dictating my entire life?" I shouted.

        Neal glanced to the side, motioning for everyone who took notice to stand down. "Elyssa," he said, looking down at my hand. I was burning a hole into the wood. I took a deep breath. "You're right. My papa and Pan, they used you. You saved me and Henry, and I could never pay that back. You didn't deserve anything that's happened to you."

        "So why does it keep happening?" My voice broke, and I fought hard to shove it all back inside. I could feel my chest aching and caving as I reeled the tears back in and forced them down. It wasn't healthy, but I refuse to give Felix the satisfaction.

        "I don't know."

        I rolled my eyes, turning away from him. He didn't bother me again. Neal walked away silently, probably telling Team True Love what that was all about.

       "You know, the road to happy endings is never easy." A small voice, a voice I thought I wouldn't hear till we got home: Henry. "Grandma and Grandpa had to go through a lot to get where they are."

        "I don't want a pep talk right now, Henry," I managed, "and shouldn't you be resting?"

        "I would, but Pan attacked me in there and I'm too scared to go back."

        I knelt down, anger and concern crossing my features. How did I miss that? I looked him over. "And you're okay? He didn't rip out your heart again did he?"

        Henry smiled. It was... off. He has been through something traumatic. "Mom made it so my heart can't ever be ripped out again. And then Rumplestiltskin trapped him in Pandora's box."

        "Oh thank god he didn't get to you again. I don't know what I would have done." I let out a sigh of relief, but didn't quite relax. Henry was acting strange and it set me on edge.

        "You would've done the right thing," he said.

        I gave him a small smile and he gave me a hug before walking away. Even the way he hugged me was wrong. Everything felt off. It was almost half-hearted. He even walked differently. Every nerve in my body told me something was wrong, but of course something would be wrong. He was kidnapped, manipulated, attacked. Of course he would be different.

        Of course Henry would be different.

        Right? Right.

Another chapter in. Sorry it took a bit ! Life was being life again.

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