Drunk or Sober

Seventeen / Harleigh's POV

I could tell Wes was looking at me; he wanted me. I've known he's wanted me for a while, and I was feeling a little generous, taking his naive self in and turning him into someone. My someone.

Wes is a sweet guy, he really is. He's the kind of person your parents would gush over.

And the way he talked to me, I could tell he thought so highly of me, like I was the type of girl his mother would like. The type of girl you could settle down with... marry... grow old with.

That's just not me.

You see, I'm very lonely.

I miss Ryder so goddamn much, but getting drunk, getting high... It's all medicine to me. A relief, really. And then, mix that with the attention Wesley gives me; everything falls into perspective. Seventeen shots and I could practically see Ryder.

And for another hour, or another night, I could pretend. Pretend I was still with Ryder.

Seventeen.

Seventeen shots to forget his name.

But I forgot my own name instead and drunk or sober, he's still the only thing on my mind.

It was carved into my veins; etched in my brain, stained on my lips.

I tried as hard as I could to get it off my mind.

I'd get so drunk and kiss the wrong people, but no one, not anyone could ever amount to his lips.

I used do this sort of stuff for fun, ya'know? But it's all become such a routine now.

And at first I thought I was actually getting over Ryder, and I could stop the partying itself, but it's not that simple.

I try to stop and I always end up the same way I end every Friday night.

On the couch in my dress, vomit in my hair and my lipstick smeared.

I'm a mess and I know that.

Wes could be good for me though. He worries about me a lot, knows when it's time to pull me back. So I'm trying it.

But I don't love him. I know I don't. I can't.

Wes wants that white picket fence, apple pie life... He thinks I could be his girl and truth is, I'll always be in love with Ryder Blake.

But I pulled his shirt off his body and placed his hands over my chest.

I really needed an escape, and Wes could do.

I bit my lip and pointed at his jeans. "Take those off and hurry up." I turned around to make my way into the jacuzzi when he surprised me, grabbing my wrist.

"What are you... Harleigh we don't have to do this."

He's too much of a good boy.

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe I wanted this? Is it so messed up to want you, Wes? I want you."

It was so hard lying to Wes compared to lying to myself. I could feel his pain, his insecurities. He wore them on his sleeve for Christ's sake. He didn't think he deserved me, when in reality, it was the opposite.

"Harleigh-"

"Wes, I know. I know you don't think you're worthy enough for me, but I'm telling you right now, you are. You are so much more than what you put yourself out to be. I know this is going fast, but I really believe I truly, honestly do love you."

I said the word. Love. It rolled off my tongue so easily, sending chills up my spine, my body tensing up. I had only ever said I loved Ryder.

"One question." He began taking off his jeans and boxers.

"Yeah?"

"Drunk or sober?"

"Huh?"

"Which one are you right-"

I kissed him.

He needed to shut up.

He lifted me up and pushed my body against the mirror, his fingers tracing over every inch of me. My hands brushed through his messy hair while my lips met his neck. He picked me up again, and my legs wrapped around his waist.

We were now doing it in the tub.

I bit his ear and he pulled me in closer, each movement spilling water over the edge.

"I love you, Ryder." I whispered.

"What, Har?" He questioned, breathless.

////Hope you guys enjoyed Harleigh's POV!!!! I love her and hate her ugh////

////PS!!!! writing this was AWK af I'm cringeworthy at smut so enjoy those lil teasers kms////