Drunk or Sober

Just a Good Guy

THURSDAY 3/18 - BACK TO WES

"Who are you taking?"

"To what?"

Typical annoying/sort of entertaining twenty question car ride homes with Lennox. God, I thought these were done for good.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but even though she and I were on good terms again, she stopped asking about Harleigh or Ramona, and I started to miss it. She didn't really talk to me at all really, for that matter, and I kind of missed it a lot actually. I was maybe-kind-of was thrilled when she finally showed interest in my once-boring-turned-fascinating life again.

She flipped my rear view mirror and focused on herself for a moment. "Homecoming," she finally answered.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Homecoming's a little superficial, even for you."

She narrowed her eyebrows. "You going or not?"

"Prom's in like three months, I can worry-"

"Ramona's going."

I paused for a minute. Was Lennox indirectly telling me to attend for the candid justification that was Ramona? "You want me to ride there on a horse and sweep her off her feet, don't you?"

"If that's what it takes to get her back, I'd approve."

"She has a boyfriend. She's probably going with him."

"So?"

"So, she doesn't want me. She's happy." God, it felt strange to talk about Ramona, let alone picture her smiling and dancing with some boy at some dumb school event with the soul purpose of earning money through loud music, fruit punch, and plastic crowns.

"You don't honestly believe that, do you?"

"Plot twist, I honestly do, Lennox."

"She doesn't love him."

"I'm going with Harleigh."

"And you don't even love her either."

"Yeah, well, that's what happens sometimes. You're so caught up in the little things you don't even remember what love is anymore. Love isn't driving someone home when they're drunk. Love isn't protecting someone from making stupid choices.That's called being a good person, that's not love. It's not sex or making out either. Love is so much more than that; it's unexplainable, Lennox. So in a way, it's almost impossible to find someone in this world who we can sincerely say we love."

"But you love her, Wes. You love Ramona."

"And that means nothing if the universe doesn't want us together."

"What?"

"Think about it. She's with someone. I'm with someone. I'm graduating in three months... Right now's not exactly the time to fall in love."

"You've already fallen pretty hard."

"Thanks for the reminder."

---------------------------------------------

Harleigh started relying less on me, and I got worried but it's not like I should complain. She was giving me space.

She went out to lunch with her friends and didn't bother going to see me in the library. She didn't call or text me as much either. And she stopped going to my house so I stopped going to hers. She was so distant. It seemed as if everyone was giving me the cold shoulder.

It gave me time to think though, time to myself I hadn't had in a while.

I was pretty much back to my normal self. I didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed about this.

It was Thursday when I thought I'd finally man-up and talk to Ramona. Though she purposely blew me off during school, Lennox gave me a heads up that Ramona was coming over after school. I was happy Ramona and Lennox were friends again too.

I pretty much postponed any moment Ramona and I had together alone to talk, up until she decided to talk to me first.

"Wes, are you and Harleigh still together?"

Odd question for her to ask, but at least she was on speaking terms with me again. Her right hand was bandaged, something I never noticed at school when I saw her, but I figured it was just some dumb accident, something not even worth mentioning.

"I'd hardly count us as together anymore."

She frowned. "There's other fish in the sea."

Too bad Ramona was my entire freaking sea.

"I guess. How are you and your boyfriend?"

I didn't know whether that question was appropriate or not to ask, so I decided to wing it.

She was silent for a moment, probably trying to find the right words to describe her perfect boyfriend without making me that jealous.

"We're okay."

Just okay. She probably lying to make me feel better. She was all too empathetic and humble to brag anyway.

"Are you going to homecoming?"

"Probably not."

"Well, you should." She bit her lip and got up. "I should probably get going now. I have an essay to do and it's really hard."

"Do you need help? I help Harleigh all the time, even though she never needs it."

I tried to not make it obvious that I wanted her to stay. I even brought up Harleigh to close off potential flirting ideas she might have thought when I mentioned it.

"She didn't tell you, did she?"

"What?"

"It's nothing, and no thank you, but thank you. Maybe another time. Can I just get a ride home?"

"Of course."

Lennox emerged from the bathroom, as if she were listening this whole time. What am I saying, she definitely was. "Bye Remy!"

Ramona studied her skeptically for a second before opening her arms for a hug. "You were in there for so long, I thought you died."

Lennox winked at me while she hugged Ramona.

The car ride was mostly quiet and awkward, until I stopped at her house and unlocked the door. She unbuckled her seat belt and just sat there in silence.

"Wes?"

"Yeah, Ramona?"

"I'm sorry for ignoring you lately. It's just, now's not the time. Us- what happened between us- that was a mistake. You said it yourself."

"A mistake? You think we were a mistake?"

"I'm quoting you."

"Ramona, you're not-"

"You're a good guy, Wes, a really good one. And I can't stand to see you get hurt-"

"I'm already hurt."

"Harleigh's seeing Ryder again. I thought you should know."

"What?"

"Don't wait on people who don't give you the time of day that you set aside for them, Wes. You're more than that."

She kissed my cheek and got out of the car.

And that's when I realized all I ever was to Harleigh and everyone else was a good guy. A good guy who she thought would be the kind of change she needed, after being surrounded by the madness that was her life. An experiment, I realized it all over again. That's all I was. Even though I knew she would never love someone like me, something about Ramona telling me she was back with Ryder felt wrong. Ryder wasn't this all-around-amazing guy. But he got the girl. The good guys never get the girl. That's what kept me thinking.