Drunk or Sober

Hate that I Love You / Harleigh's POV

Ryder was lying in my bed and I was snuggled close to his chest while we watched Scandal together on his laptop. He never knew what the hell was going on in it, but since I liked it he did his best to pay attention.

Something like this would have never happened a month ago, which made me laugh, but at the same time angry how things had become so different ever since he found out.

"We should get married."

I sat up and laughed. "What the fuck? You wanna get married? Why? No. Get married to someone you love, Ryder."

"I do love you, Harleigh. Come on. Stop being so stubborn. Do you want a ring or something? I could do this the right-"

"Why would I want a ring from you? You're only marrying me because-"

"Because I love you." He interrupted. "Just stop. Please. Just say-"

"Look, I know you're trying to make things right, but you're only making them worse. Ryder, you want to marry me because I'm pregnant, because you feel bad, because getting married somehow makes this all better. I'll tell you this now, it doesn't. It never-"

"What?"

"You're gonna fall in love someone whether it's me or not- and it's not- and you'll be tied down- tied down with me." I crossed my arms. "Now that might happen in two months or two years, imagine twelve even, but when it does happen, don't you dare, Ryder, don't you fucking dare leave me for somebody else. Especially if we're married."

"That won't-"

"Look at us now. You won't be happy with me in ten years. You'll want out. Which means you'll cheat, or you'll divorce me, and leave me and this thing and wonder why you ever wasted any time with me. I'm doing you a favor- I'm making this easy, Ryder. You don't have to come here anymore, you don't even have to tell your parents. And don't- please don't- mention getting married again."

"I already found someone I love, Harleigh!" His voice quivered.

"Then go to her."

"I'm-"

"Go."

And with that, Ryder stormed out of my room.

It's not so much I necessarily cared for something as overrated as a magic title and claim of love- surprised?- but I didn't want to be the girl who ruined Ryder's life. Even if he did unintentionally ruin mine.

Sure, maybe I was being a little dramatic, but that's what the truth was. It wasn't getting married and moving in with Ryder. That's what he thought was right- what he truly wanted- but I knew Ryder Blake better than he knew himself and settling down at eighteen had most definitely never crossed his mind as a good idea.

As for me, I believed in everything I said. He may have been the boy I loved, but I wasn't the girl he fell for- at least not anymore- and I promised myself I wasn't going to be the fool with an disloyal husband.

With Ryder or without- I was the only one who could help myself anyway.

Just another stupid statistic- that's what my entire life had been boiled down to. It was now who I was. Nobody would care if I was smart or sweet or anything; that didn't matter anymore. I was just another pregnant teen.

I was going to be remembered as the slut who couldn't keep her legs shut until after highschool. And Ryder? He didn't have have to worry.

He wouldn't be labeled a whore. Though he was just as much at fault as I was, they'd all forget that; everyone would forget that- I would be shamed as if I did this all on my own.

He wouldn't have to skip college to raise a child. He could get the whole experience and graduate in four years. And where would I be then? Signing a kid up for kindergarten.

He wouldn't have to give up his life because instead of glares, gossip, and the fear of growing up too fast; he'd get applauded. His friends would tell him a good job and give him a pat on the back. Why? Not even for being a father either, because even if he did decide to tell them, all they'd care is if he got some.

I wasn't angry. Though it may come across that way, I really did want to see Ryder happy, even if it wasn't with me.

I walked out of my room to find the public phone in the hallway to call Ramona. I didn't know what I was going to tell her, but she was one of those people that always knew the rights things to say.

My first day of junior year, Ryder picked me up for school and she was sitting all nervously in the back seat; that's when I first met her.

It was just before I sensed another tedious breakup between Ryder and me, so of course, I did what any manipulating and self-centered yet brilliantly strategic person would do: I befriend little, lonely Ramona Blake, therefore beginning our regrettable one sided friendship consisting of her doing everything a good friend does, and me, well, to be fair... I did say it was a one sided friendship.

It wasn't so much as I meant to be a horrible friend intentionally, but I just didn't see Ramona the way I did Ryder, ya'know? Ryder Blake was the only Blake I really cared for, and as terrible as it sounds, Ramona was just an easy way to get to him.

If I could change things to be that I actually acknowledged Ramona for the incredible person she is and was when I was a narcissistic, boy-obsessed bitch junior year, I would; I really, really would.

I would've been a better friend- the best friend to her- and actually gotten to know her, and talk about her instead of always me and... My time was running out anyway.

Frankly, with a baby I'd probably end up staying here in Sterling City, and then I'd have plenty of time to make it up to her.

The very thought of that made me want to vomit.

I took the phone off its hook and dialed her number.

"Hey Harleigh!" It was Rosie. "I just saw your hot baby daddy literally sprinting to the elevator. He looked upset. You okay? I was just gonna-"

I hung the phone back up and bit my lip. "I'm fine." Rosie studied me and narrowed her eyebrows. "Really," I reassured her.

"Well if your not doing anything right now, me, Wyatt, and Isaac are in my room watching movies. You can come if you want." She smiled.

harleigh speaks the truth and if u hate her ill ram ur head into the public phone she used to call ramona, but for the first time ramona wasn't there bc she was fucking wes oh god

like girls a total bitch but at least she's honest

OH PS DONT WORRY i didn't just ignore that last chap ended with wes doing something with rams thtll be next chap!!!!

IK this might have been a boring back story/ feelings/ typical rarleigh fight but honestly what'd you expect theyre polar opposites but i love them together so much at the same time ugh