Remember me

Chapter 20

Mia

Cole texts me when I'm just finishing up with Marley and I agree to meet him back at school. When I approach the baseball field I spot him, alone, running laps around the field.

"Still practicing?" I ask as he approaches me after a final lap. "It looks like everyone else has already gone home."

"I have to keep my stamina up. I can't get lazy just because I have an injury. If anything I need to work even harder now" Cole replies with a scowl.

I put my hands up in a placating gesture "Ok. I was just observing, not criticizing." Cole takes his baseball hat off and rubs his hand over his hair before replacing it. "Sorry" he says gruffly. "Bad day. I don't mean to take it out on you." He grabs my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine "Cant we make this better, Mia? I hate when things are off between us."

I sigh and think to myself how this is why I agreed to ever go out with Cole in the first place. He really is a good guy. He's easy going and quick to smile and make any moment fun. I don't want to hurt him.

"I think we have some things to talk about first, Cole." I say, tugging on his hand and leading him to the bleachers. We sit down and Cole pulls me toward his lap and envelopes me into a hug. "I've missed you" he says. "I've missed you too" I say, pulling back and giving myself some space from him. It's hard to be mad when he's being so nice. "What happened this weekend Cole?"

I watch his profile seeing his jaw tense up, some of his previous anger returning. "I already told you. I wasn't paying attention and I injured my shoulder."

Some of my previous guilt returns. If I had made it would he not have gotten hurt? "I really am sorry I couldn't make it Cole. I would of been there if I could." He nods once curtly, and I continue "What happened with Kimmy?"

Cole jumps up suddenly, startling me. "Why do you keep bringing her up. She's nothing to me Mia!" I grab his hand and tug it gently "Sit down. I'm not accusing you of anything, she just made some insinuating comments that I'm trying to work out." Cole sighs and sits down, placing his head in his hands. "Can we just forget about her?" He asks.

Can I just let it go? I ask myself. It would certainly be easier to. Just as I'm about to consent I think about what Marley said early about a new passion being lit inside me. Have I just been asleep this whole time?

I shake my head, "No. I need to know." Cole jumps up again, this time he starts pacing back and forth in front of me. "Damnit Mia why won't you just make this easy. The Mia I know would let us move on from this." He stops in front of me. "Why are you so different lately."

This time the pleading in his eyes does nothing for me. "If you can't tell me now what I need to know then I am done with this conversation and this relationship."

Cole drops to his knees in front of me, resting his head in my lap. "I'll tell you. Ok Mia, I'll tell you." His voice is muffled by the fabric of my dress "She brought booze up to my room. She said she was trying to take my mind off the game and offered a massage to relax me." He sniffs "She was already half way through it when I realized she was topless.. I just.. at that point I was so drunk and mad at you and I just let it happen. I'm so sorry Mia. You have to believe me. I don't want her. I never wanted her. Only you." He lifts his head and looks at me "You should have been there!" I stare at him, dumbfounded. "Are you saying it's my fault you cheated on me?" I feel anger rising inside me but it's quickly tampered down by resignation. I should be devastated by this, but instead I feel strangely hollow. I think this just solidifies what deep down I already knew to be true. Maybe that's a sign that I need to move on.

I take a deep breath and say "I think we should take a break." Cole grasps my hands and squeezes them, his eyes widening. "No" he says, quickly standing back up. "You want to break up?" Do I? I keep my eyes down and nod once, slowly.

"No" he says again. I look up at him and he's staring at me with an unreadable expression. He starts pacing again.

"No Mia. We can work through this. I have plans for us."

He stills and points his finger at his chest, his voice rising, "I'm going to take you places. I'm going to propose after graduation. We'll get married and I'll get drafted. You won't have to work. You can support me at all my games." He stops pacing and looks at me expectantly.

I'm shocked. This is what he thinks i want? All I can do is shake my head no.

Cole throws his hands up, "What do you mean no? Your own mother agreed with my plans. She said I'm the best thing that ever happened to you! Why can't you just follow along, Mia!"

I stand, regaining my voice. "Cole you can't plan my future without my say!What ever gave you the idea that I wanted to get married straight after high school?" I say irritatedly. "I want to go to college. I want to build a future for myself, by myself."

Cole looks down at me with a condescending expression. "You don't need to prove anything to anyone Mia. That's not what you want to do, it's what you think you need to do. But you don't need to. Don't you see? You have me." He takes my hands in his "I'll do what's best for you.. for us." I pull my hands out of his, annoyed, and say "You aren't listening to me Cole."

He shakes his head "I am listening, you just don't understand."

I stand up and start backing away. I can't take anymore of this.

"I do understand" I say. "I just don't agree." I continue walking backwards away from him, shaking my head, "I won't ever agree." I turn on my heel, heading back towards the parking lot.

"Mia!" Cole shouts from behind me.

"I'm sorry" I say, and I keep walking.