Remember me

Chapter 27

Mia

Nick pulls into a Taco Bell drive through, ordering for me without even asking. If it was anyone else that would irritate me, but of course Nick knows exactly what I want. I guess my order hasn't changed in ten years.

Once we get our food he continues driving out towards the county roads. When he pulls onto a dark dirt road I look at him suspiciously.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" He smirks.

"Where in the world are we?" I ask. I know this town like the back of my hand but there are a million back roads through the desert that could take you anywhere. It's also pitch black out here, not a streetlight or business in sight.

"We're here" Nick pulls the truck into a tiny alcove between some bushes and grins at me.

I scowl, looking around "where exactly is here?"

"Let me show you" he replies, jumping out of the truck and coming to open my door before I get a chance to.

I hop out without stumbling and give myself a mental thumbs up. Nick grabs my right hand with his left, holding our bag of food in the other, and together we walk down a narrow sandy path through the bushes. A few feet in I see a break between the brush. We're at the river.

The Colorado river runs through the outskirts of town, and most of the state, giving us some much needed water in this dry barren desert. I smile as I come to the edge of the water, kicking off my tennis shoes. I stumble a bit, still feeling a little dizzy, but Nick is still holding my hand and he steadies me. The water is still pretty warm for November, and I sigh as I let it lap over my toes. Nick motions towards a downed branch that makes the perfect bench and we sit companionably as he pulls out our food and begins to eat.

"How are you feeling?" Nick asks.

"Okay, I think" I reply after I swallow a mouthful of burrito.

He quirks an eyebrow "You think?"

"I'm..  a little lightheaded I guess. The food helps" I shrug. "Thank you, by the way, for the food. It was interesting to see you still know my order." I point out.

Nick nods and lets out a small laugh "You always refused to try anything different, I figured that hadn't changed."

I laugh along with him "Why change perfection?"

Nick meets my eyes and I can't help but notice the sparkle in them when he really smiles. Just as I'm thinking that, the sparkle vanishes, a sad expression crossing his face.

"Im sorry Mia" he says, "about tonight, I shouldn't have walked off. I just needed to gather my thoughts." He runs his hand through his hair and sighs. "I don't want you to think I would ever just leave you somewhere. I just.. I feel so out of control around you sometimes."

I shake my head at that "You don't need to be in control when you're with me, Nick."

His gaze rises to mine again and holds. Those blue eyes capture me, holding me completely under his spell. He stares at me and I stare back this time, unapologetic. He always seems to be holding himself back from me and I hate it. That little girl inside of me just wants her best friend back. "What happened to you Nick?" I whisper, finally having the courage to ask what I really want to know.

Nick blinks and moves his gaze away from mine. He stares out over the water and I'm sure he isn't going to answer, but he surprises me when he takes a deep breath and begins to speak.

"When we got to North Dakota my dad was so angry. He was furious, really. He was convinced the world had wronged him, especially me. He.. well let's just say I had a lot of bruises and other injuries. More than we could hide like before. One of my teachers called child services and I was put in foster care for a while. No one wanted a kid my age, you know? Especially one that looked like he was used as a human punching bag. Only those real desperate for the money agreed to take me. And they.. they didn't physically beat me, but they found other ways to hurt me. And trust me there were a lot of ways." He trails off lost in a memory, his gaze still locked on the water in front of us. I watch his jaw tighten as he continues "I eventually ran away about a year later. Dad actually found me then.. I guess I took shelter in one of his usual haunts. He seemed so damn surprised to see me, Mia. Like he had forgotten all about my existence until that moment. And I guess.. he took pity on me? I don't know what it was. But somehow he convinced the courts he had turned his life around enough to get me back." He runs his hands through his hair, tipping his head back. "It shocked the hell out of me at the time. And to be honest I was so grateful. I was so sure that since he cared enough to get me back that things would be different." He shakes his head "It wasn't, of course. I was such a dumb ass kid." He pauses again and I reach over and grasp his hand, my eyes welling with tears. For a second I'm sure he's going to move his hand away but after a moment he squeezes mine and continues "Anyway, the next couple years were much of the same. Eventually he overdosed. Accidentally or on purpose, I'll never know. I was near enough to 18 and April agreed to take me in until then, so, here I am."

"Nick, I.." I'm at a complete and utter loss of words. I stare at the boy, the man, beside me, and my heart absolutely aches for him and the boy he used to be. Nick shakes his head. "Don't" he says. "Don't tell me your sorry. Don't feel sorry for me."

I scoot closer and take his face in my hands, gently turning him towards me. Nick tears his gaze away from the river and finally meets my eyes. "Don't tell me how to feel" I say. "I do feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for the boy you once were. That kind, brave, protective boy that I loved so much." He tightens his jaw and starts to pull away from me but I tug back, determined.

"But this man. This man who is sitting beside me right now, I don't feel sorry for him. I feel so damn proud of him.. because you survived Nick. You.. you did more than that. You are smart and good and driven. So many people in your shoes would have turned out differently. They might take the same path as their parents or let their circumstances crush them but you haven't Nick. And you should be damn proud too."

Nick searches my gaze before his eyes close and he lets his head hang in my hands. "Your wrong Mia" he says softly. "I'm not those things." He raises his head back up to me and I let my hands fall. "I wish I was. I wish I could be those things for you. But I'm not." Nick stands and walks towards the water. He kicks his shoes off and wades in to his calves.

As I sit here watching him in the moonlight he looks like a ghost. His black shorts and t-shirt disappearing into the night and his blonde hair shining like a beacon calling me to him.

I've watched him walk away one to many times, I think. Determined, I stand up quickly, swaying slightly from the alcohol still running through my veins. I head towards Nick, my already bare feet meeting the water. The water feels like a comforting embrace against my skin as I continue in further. I feel the ends of my dress dampening and I realize it's deeper than I thought. Nick is so tall it doesn't even hit his knees. I shrug, forgetting the dress, and continue further until I'm standing beside him. Nick doesn't turn to look at me when he says "I should get you home."

"Stop!" I say, stomping my foot like a toddler. "Would you quit pushing me away? Atleast for just tonight?" I swallow, "Please Nick." Nick whips around towards me with a growl and I must be standing closer than he thought because he knocks into me, throwing me off balance. He reaches for me as I rock backwards but loses his own footing in the muddy riverbed. Water envelopes me as I find myself falling in with Nick on top of me.

I sit up sputtering and Nick coughs, "Oh my God Mia, are you ok?" His serious gaze rakes over my body and I start to laugh. The laughter shakes through my body as I lean back into the water, pushing my muddy hair out of my face. Nick gazes at me seriously for a moment, inspecting me for injury when I splash him. "Hey!" He sputters. "Come on you wimp" I say laughing. I swim out into the deeper water and call for him to join me. Nick shakes his head and smiles, diving after me. When he reaches me treading water I splash him again. "Oh your going to get it now!" Nick says, sending a wave of water my way. I squeal and duck under the water, avoiding the onslaught. Nick puts his hands under my arms and pulls me up "that's cheating" he says with a grin. He's smiling again with the real smile that I love, his eyes crinkling in the corners. "No one ever said there were any rules" I grin, splashing him again. "That's it!" Nick says grabbing me around the waist and hauling me over his shoulder. I squeal as he tosses me away from him with a splash.

I hold my breath and dive under swimming back towards him. I hear his garbled voice call my name from above "Mia?" he says, and I wait, still and silent. "Mia!" He says again, this time a shout twinged with a little more panic. I take that as my cue and swim towards him quickly, tickling his sides from behind as I raise my head to the surface. "Oh you little.." he reaches behind to tickle me back but I quickly lock my legs around his back and my arms around his neck, glueing myself to him. I feel the muscles in his back tense and then Nick smiles, "oh I got you now" he says, putting his arms under my legs and carrying me to shore piggy back style. He trudges back up the path towards his truck before depositing me on his tailgate, laughing, his hands on either side of my legs. My own laughter subsides and my breath catches as I realize how close Nicks body is to mine. He seems to realize it at the same time, his smile slowly sliding off his face as his icy blue eyes meet mine. His gaze shifts quickly from my eyes to my mouth and back again. I lick my bottom lip, unconsciously, desperately willing him to bring his mouth to mine. He lowers his head and I hold my breath in anticipation, but his mouth comes to a stop on my forehead.

Kissing me there he whispers "I've missed you, Mia-mine."