Remember me

Chapter 44

Mia

I squeeze Nick tighter to me, trying to ease some of the tension I can feel building up in his body. He was so silent, so blank, after the confrontation with Marilee that I didn't know what to do. I know him so well yet I couldn't get a read on him at all.

But then he told me he wouldn't let me go, and I felt the tension in my body and the worry in my heart release in a rush.

There's still something nagging me in the back of my mind though. Something Marilee said.

"Do you ever wonder what it would have been like for us? If that night never happened?" I ask.

Nick stills.

"Everyday" he breaths out, his sad gaze meeting mine.

I nod and take a deep breath, working up the courage to ask what's been bugging me.

"Nick" I say hesitantly "there is something else I don't understand.. what Marilee said.. about you being the reason you guys left?"

I can feel his body stiffen beside me and I turn my face into his shirt, breathing in his scent and seeking comfort from what his answer might be.

**

Nick

I take a deep breath, my heart hammering in my chest. Might as well get this over with. I say a silent prayer, something I haven't done in a long, long time. Asking that Mia will find it in her heart to forgive me, that what I'm about to reveal won't change her feelings towards me.

"It was my fault" I say, staring straight ahead as memories engulf me.

One afternoon when I was 11, Jack approached me, more sober than usual. Which wasn't actually a good thing, since he was even less nice when he was sober. Mia had just left with Marilee to go get groceries, and I was watching the car out the window as it backed out of the driveway.

"I see the way you look at her" he scoffed from behind my shoulder. "Pining after that little brat. You're disgusting." I stiffen but don't say anything, forcing myself not to turn around and confront him.

Not satisfied with my reaction, Jack continues. "She's going to be your sister soon, you know that? And Marilee will be your mom. So you better stop following that girl around like a love sick fool and start acting like a brother."

A wave of desperation flew through me at those words. Her brother. Even then I knew that the label of brother would never be enough for me. And in that desperation I reacted on impulse. I said something that I should of kept to myself. Something I had seen, just a few weeks before.

"Married, huh?" I ask with a sneer. "Well what about that other man? The one Marilee's always with?"

Always was a stretch. I had only seen them together once. But once was enough.

"What man" Jack replied, becoming real still.

I should of shut my mouth right then but I was never a smart kid, not in the ways that counted at least.

"The one she was kissing in that black car. It was a real nice car too. Expensive lookin-

BAM

Jack's fist flew into the side of my head, and for a short moment I just stood there, stunned. And that's when everything went black.

What might of been minutes or hours later I awoke to screaming, crying and pleading. Marilee was on the floor, grasping Jacks pant leg as he kicked her, and Mia was behind the couch, rocking back and forth whimpering. I will never forget the look in her eyes as I crawled towards her. Never.

As I finish relaying the memory to Mia she pulls away from me, placing her head in her hands. I stare at her for a moment, afraid to move, afraid to speak, wondering if it's too much for her to take, if she hates me for this.

She should. She should hate me for this. I do.

"I understand" I say softly, looking away from her. "I understand if you hate me."

I see her lift her head in my peripheral vision. She's gazing at me but I can't bring myself to meet her eyes, afraid of what I'll see in them.

"Hate you?" She whispers. "You thought I would hate you?"

I find the courage to let my gaze meet hers and I'm stunned by the tender look in her eyes. "Don't you?" I ask softly.

Mia shakes her head, sliding onto my lap and tucking her small body into mine. She fits so perfectly like this. I never want to forget the feel of her.

"How could I hate you, Nick?" She says, her fingers traveling across my face. "My heart aches for you. To think that you ever had to harbor any guilt over this.." she shakes her head "You were just a kid Nick."

"I shouldn't of said anything. It's my fault that I told him."

"No. You were the child in the situation, Nick, don't you see? It was the adults fault. Marilees fault for wandering and Jacks fault for his horrible reaction. Not yours. Never yours."

My heart stutters as I stare at this beautiful girl. She is nothing but goodness, and light, and her soul shines through her eyes like a beacon calling mine to her. I don't deserve her. I never will. But I swear I'll spend the rest of my life trying to earn her.