Remember me

Chapter 24

Nick

I stare at my reflection in the rear view mirror, hating myself.

Liar.
Fake.
Coward.

I kissed her. Sort of. Almost. What the hell is wrong with me? I bang my head against the steering wheel. The worst part is I'm not even sorry. Even more so I want to do it again.

Masochist.

What am I even doing here? Why can't I mind my own damn business and just leave her alone. But when Marley said Mia was hurting, of course I couldn't help myself from rushing in like some sort of black hearted white knight.

I should know better. I do know better.

Someone like me could never help Mia. I'll just hurt her. Again and again I'll destroy her just like I've destroyed everything I've ever loved.

When I was 11 years old I made my dad madder than I've ever seen him. And trust me when I say I was very accustomed to his rage. But that time was different. In a rage, Jack packed as much of our stuff in his old truck as he could  and screamed at me to get in or he would leave me behind.

I told him to go without me.

Mia was cowering behind the couch, tears pouring from her beautiful eyes, and I ran to her and grasped her hand tightly. I told her not to let go. I told her  I'd never leave her.

I lied.

With my dad behind me and Mias mom behind her, they grasped us and ripped us apart. I kicked and screamed for her, refusing to go, until Jack punched me in the head so hard that everything went black. I woke up a few hours later in the cab of the truck, the stars shining through the window as dad drove us away.

I was already gone.
And I never got to tell her that it was all my fault.
..

I lean my seat back as far as it can go, putting my earphones in to drown out the voices and music coming from the party outside the truck.

Stop thinking.
Stop feeling.

I squeeze my eyes shut. Eventually I sink into oblivion.