Scars

Quiet Car Rides and Awful First Dates

Car rides were much more awkward when you have to explain to the person driving, who also happens to be a gorgeous guy you might have had a chance with, why your sister is actually your daughter. It becomes even more awkward when you decide not to say anything back to him.

He didn’t ask too many questions, though. I think he decided that I wasn’t exactly open and ready to talk about it, so we sat in silence for almost ten minutes before he pulled into a full parking lot. He gave me a small smile before getting out of the car.

There was only more silence as we walked into the small quiet diner. I had never even heard of this place before, but from the amount of cars in the lot, it’s got to be amazing. The air smelled like cooking burgers and strawberry milkshakes, and it almost made me feel better. Sam got us a booth and we awkwardly sat across from each other. We were still quiet.

His eyes kept moving to my face and back down to his hands. But it didn’t look like he was judging me. It looked like he was waiting patiently for me to explain. I understood in that moment the amount of curiosity that must be flowing through his veins and pumping through his heart at that very second.

I opened my lips to say something, but that was when a happy blonde waitress bounced over and took our drink orders. She seemed to take forever to flit back off into the kitchen. But the moment she was gone Sam turned his attention straight on me and said, “You were about to say…?” His eyes glimmered with hope that I might say something.

I bit my lip, my eyebrows scrunching together, as I contemplated what my next move would be.  Sam sat back as a look a disappointment returned to his face.

You idiot. You’re making it worse.

“I was going to say something” I said, making Sam shoot straight back up. “I was gonna say…” I gulped, “that I am Ren’s mother.” Sam’s expression didn’t change, but he didn’t move, as if he were frozen in his place. He wasn’t even blinking.

It’s over.

My first instinct was to get out of here, so I stood up quickly and grabbed my phone that sat innocently on the table. But as I turned to leave, I felt a warm hand grasping my wrist, “Wait, Brin.” I yanked quickly away from the strong hand in horror. I swung quickly around to see Sam standing there confused at my startled reaction. I took a couple deep breaths, holding my wrist to my chest protectively, as I reminded myself that the hand was attached to Sam and that I was okay.

“Brin it’s okay. I’m not going to treat you any differently just because you have a baby. Honestly, I had already suspected it anyway with how you treat Ren. I mean, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve been raising two kids for about a year now.” He said loud enough that only I could hear him.

My eyes shot up to his in confusion, “What?”

He nodded and stared at his hands. “Yeah, it’s not a big deal being that I’ve got a place and a job and all that.” He looked up at me again and I nodded for him to go on. “Well, there’s Sam, who’s almost five, George, who’s fourteen, and I. Once I turned eighteen, my mom just decided she couldn’t and didn’t have to handle us anymore and just left.” Sam laughed which scared me slightly. “I mean, I hated her anyway. I was practically already raising them with or without her. Only difference is that there’s now less alcohol on our shelves.”

I studied Sam’s eyes. They weren’t sad or angry. They were clouded over with an utter lack of emotion. This was no big deal for him, and opening up now shouldn’t be a big deal for me.

“Okay, see, I –” I started, but was cut off again as the waitress plopped down our drinks and took our orders. Once she was gone again, I started, “well, it was really just an alcohol related mistake I made a couple years ago, and now I’m just trying to get by raising my biggest consequence. As for the father, I’m not sure if he knows Ren or I even exist.”

Sam gave me a small sympathetic smile, glad that I had told him the truth. That was when it hit me hard in the chest. I felt guilty all of a sudden that almost everything I had just told him was a complete and utter lie. Nick knows well who Ren and I were, and I’m positive he hates us every day for it.