Scars

Second Dates Suck

Calm down, Brin. You’ll be okay. Everything will be perfectly fine. You saw him. He didn’t try to hurt you. You’re fine. Breath. Inhale. Exhale. Good.

I hated myself. Every single emotion I had held in for years came spilling out of me as I sat on the floor of my bedroom curled into a tight ball. Ren hid in the other room, avoiding my tears.

Some part of me was scared of Nick. But another part of me felt awful for clearly hurting him. Then there was a small sliver in the back of my mind that missed him and was overjoyed that he had come back. It was entirely confusing.

Sam and Sam would be here any second, so I fought to control my emotions. I counted to 34 when I had finally composed myself enough to stand up and take myself to the bathroom. My new blouse was slightly crumpled and my hair was slightly disheveled. When I looked in the mirror, I felt a sudden sense of panic. My eyes were red and puffy, making me look like something from out of a horror movie.

I quickly grabbed a towel and tried to fix my makeup. It didn’t look as bad as it had, but it was still obvious that I had been crying.

The doorbell rang as I headed to get Ren, causing my heart to skip a beat. I quickly ducked into Sydney’s room and pulled Ren from the floor. Sydney looked angry and stuck her tongue out at me. I rolled my eyes and ran out of the room. I sprinted faster than an Olympian with Ren in my arms to the door.

Out of breath, I opened the door to find Sam’s wide grin staring down at me. But it quickly faded to worry when his eyes met mine. “Brin, are you okay?” he asked, stepping forward with deep concern.

I quickly stopped him. “I—I’m fine” I said, stumbling over my words.

Sam’s eyebrows knitted together in sympathy, and without another word pulled me into his arms. At first, I had no idea how to react to his strong arms wrapped around me, but when Sam realized my shock and started to pull away, I snapped out of my confusion and hugged him back. Sam was warm and smelled faintly of old spice. I buried my face in his cotton tee and breathed in his scent. A smile tugged at my lips at this small of a gesture.

But Sam pulled away all too soon and I quickly bent down to get Ren’s shoes on, unsure of what else to do with my hands. He smiled down at my hurried fingers, making me stomach do a 360 flip.

I picked Ren up and was about to open the door again when there was a quiet knock at the door. I hesitated, unaware that anyone was coming, before opening the door. When I saw who stood there before me, my heart stopped for a few beats and I suddenly felt the urge to vomit all over his raggedy chucks.

His glassy green eyes looked as if they were going to spill over as he stared down at me. “Brin, hey. I—I just wanted to apologize for earlier and in general. I just want things to be okay. I feel terrible and I just wish there was some way I could make it up to you or if we could maybe just talk or—” He said, stammering, before I abruptly cut him off.

“Nick, it’s just not a really good time right now.” I said as I gestured to Ren and Nick behind me. Nick looked behind my shoulder as if he had just noticed Sam’s presence. He didn’t seem in the least phased as he nodded at Sam. Sam gave a short nod back. I’m going to throw up.

“Brin, I just want some time to talk. I’ll be a work tomorrow, but I get off at five. If you come see me, great. If you don’t, just know that I’m so sorry.” He said, tears threatening to spill again. My heart crumpled into a million pieces as he turned to leave.

My heart was beating fast and I couldn’t seem to control my breathing. But it only got worse when Nick turned around again. “Oh sorry I almost forgot.” He said as he climbed back up the porch stairs and came close to the frame of the door, crouching down to his haunches. He looked Ren in the eyes and smiled slightly. He then reached into his back pocket where he had a small stuffed bear with pink fur everywhere and a small red bow around its neck. My jaw dropped to the porch when he held it out to Ren.

“Peace offering.” He said to Ren, who stared him down. Her lips quickly turned up into a smile as she snatched the bear from his hands. She held it in front of her to admire it as Nick stood up with a small smile. And with that, he turned again to leave.

I closed the door so that I could wait for him to pull out of the driveway, but when I turned around, I found Sam, an eyebrow up in the air curiously. “Brin, you’ve got some serious explaining to do.”

I pursed my lips and sighed loudly.