Scars

Juice Isn't All That Bad

I had no idea what in the world I was doing. Look, it’s not too late to turn around. You can save yourself now. He doesn’t even know you’re here. What are you doing? Ugh.

What was I doing? My feet seemed to move automatically over the white tiles of the mall floor. Ren was by my side, quietly following me, her new bear tight in her grip. The mall seemed eerily quiet on a Tuesday afternoon.

As I walked, I thought of Sam and the conversation we had the night before. He of course asked a million questions all at once and instead of going to the movies, he took me to that small quiet diner so we could talk. Sam and Ren played together in the booth beside us.

Sam had pinned me down with the hardest questions possible. Somehow all my guilt or not telling him the truth earlier flew to the surface and I spewed answers like a hyperactive volcano.

“So where were we?” he asked sarcastically as we sat in the booth. “Oh yeah. Who’s this Sam guy? Is he the father or something?”

“Yeah.” I said quietly.

“Then why is he so ‘sorry?’ Did he hurt you?” Sam leaned forward on his elbows as if prepared to hear some big secret. I hesitated. “Please, Brin. Just tell me what happened. It honestly can’t be worse than…” Sam said trailing off, still waiting for a good response.

“Okay fine. But you’re not allowed to be… weird or something.” I said. Sam raised an eyebrow and smiled. He held up his right hand as to say that he promised before leaning in again to hear and hang on to my every word. It felt weird to talk about it for the first time, but somehow Sam’s bright blue eyes extracted the information out of me like a magnet.

 I didn’t resist as I told him of how Sam and I dated, how we went to a party, how he got wildly drunk, how I had to help him change him change his vodka stained shirt, and everything after. I told him about my dislocated wrist and blue bruises covering my body. I spilled details about the court case, of how he had to spend time in juvy, of how I had no clue he had been released. I even told him about how everyone hated me, how I lost all of my friends, how I gave up my summer break to give birth to Ren.

Sam listened motionless until I had finished. That was when he poked me with small questions like how badly I was hurt and even random ones like what cravings I had when I was pregnant and how badly it hurt to go into labor. It was only when the waitress came to us and told us they were closing did I realize how long we had been talking.

Now Sam was not here to distract me as I neared the juice shop. I could now hear the fountain close by and every drop that touched the fountain seemed to play in my head like a jackhammer.

I neared the corner and I stopped. Inhale, Brin. Exhale, Brin. I peeked around the corner slightly and scanned for ‘mix a lot.’ There was where I caught sight of Sam and his black hair that fell over his green eyes as he mopped the floor around the small tables.

I took another deep shuddering breath before forcing my feet to move towards him. I was suddenly aware of how loud my feet were on the floor. The clacking seemed to echo around the room, and Ren’s stomping feet didn’t help the situation. Nick’s head snapped up.

He stopped mopping and put the soggy thing into the yellow bucket and shoved it to the side some. His eyes lit up, but he didn’t smile. Instead, he bit his lip nervously as he took off his black, pink, and yellow apron with the mix a lot logo on it.

Butterflies flew around inside of me and I seemed to be suffocating on them.

Once I came closer, Nick said, as he got back behind the counter, “Hey, Brin,” as if we were casually meeting at a juice bar.