Scars

You're Back

Sydney naturally was the first to volunteer to watch Ren when I told her I needed to take I shower before I took her back to the park. It had only been a day, and I was eager to go back. But I definitely needed a shower before we left.

I went to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I shed the clothes I had accidentally fell asleep in and I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I had not yet lost all of my weight from the pregnancy and there were stretch marks and a bold, pink scar across the top where they had to cut Ren out of me. The umbilical cord wrapped around her neck and they had pretty much no other choice. There were dark circles around my eyes and I’m sure that if I looked hard enough I could find a gray hair growing in my dark hair.

I tried to forget it and stepped into the hot shower, but I suddenly felt awkward in my own skin.

Once I was out of the shower, I quickly covered myself without a towel, not wanting to look in the mirror. This was going to be a good day, and I won’t let my self-consciousness ruin it all.

I went to my room and tore through my closet until I could find something decent to wear, but I then changed my mind about the jeans and changed them to cutoff shorts. I went to the bathroom again and put on makeup to cover the tired lines of my face.  

I could hear Sydney and Ren in the other room playing noisily. I took the one opportunity I had free from Ren to go downstairs and make myself coffee and fix Ren her lucky charms. It was finally somewhat quiet, until I dropped a spoon. Ren and Sydney came downstairs to investigate.

Ren flounced over to me, wearing a pink tiara in her messy hair, a frilly tutu, and thick messy lip gloss. I instantly turned to Sydney. “What did you do to my baby?” I said, seconds from slapping her. She just grinned and shrugged her shoulders, walking briskly out of the room and back up the stairs.

“Mommy,” Ren said as I picked her up in my arms, “pretty?” She gave me a sticky lip gloss smile for emphasis.

“Very.” I said with thick sarcasm, mentally strangling Sydney for putting makeup on her. I carried Ren up the stairs and back to the bathroom so I could get the makeup off. Luckily it was dress-up makeup and came off easily. I brushed her tangled hair, but she insisted on keeping the tiara. I then dressed her in actual clothes and left the tutu in front of Sydney’s door for her to deal with.

With much urging on, I was finally able to leave the house and take Ren back to the park. Sam’s silver car was parked in the parking lot when we got there. I let Ren out of the car and she took off running towards the swings. Sam was there, pushing Sam as she waved to Ren wildly. That got Sam’s attention and he turned around to see us approaching. I thought I saw him smile.

I felt like something was jumping around my stomach as I got closer.

Ren tried to climb in the swing next to Sam, impatience rumbling in her throat. I came up behind her and lifted her into it, pushing her until she was pleased with the height. Her and Sam were giggling like crazy and were trying to reach out to each other when they passed.

“I’m surprised you came back so soon.” I heard him say beside me.

I looked over to see him studying my reaction carefully. I stuttered, “Oh, uh, well…” trying to find the right words and force them out. “Ren, she was, uh, begging to come back.” I finally managed. He smiled as if he knew there was much more to it.

“You and your sister are pretty close?” He asked, taking me off guard.

I opened my mouth to tell him that Ren was my daughter, but I quickly shut it. Every time I tell anyone I remotely find attractive that I’m a mommy, everything gets completely ruined, and I didn’t want to run him off just yet. “Yeah, my sister and I. What about you two?” I said as I gestured towards a giggling Sam.

He looked down at her and laughed through his nose. “Yeah I guess you could say we’re pretty close.” I just nodded silently, like I understood what he meant. What was that supposed to mean?

Our conversation had dried out to nothing until Sam ordered Sam to stop pushing her in the swing and let her go play on the slide. Ren, following Sam, asked me the same. We both let the kids free and they bounded over to the larger playground equipment.

My arms were tired from pushing Ren for almost twenty minutes, so I walked over to the nearest bench and sat down. To my surprise, Sam followed me and sat down by me. I felt butterflies completely overtake my stomach, threatening to burst right through me.

He tried to make conversation as I tried to focus on watching Ren. I finally started to feel like I wasn’t going to jump out of my own skin and I started asking more questions myself. Before I knew it, almost two hours had passed when Sam and Ren ran up and asked for food. Ren’s tiara was lopsided and I reached out to fix it.

“You’re hungry already?” Sam said to his sister. “Maybe Ren and Brin wanna go get something to eat with us,” he then said suggestively towards me. Ren was jumping up and down with Sam chanting, “Yes” over and over again. “What do you think?” Sam asked me, gesturing towards the kids, leaving me with no choice but to agree with a smile. Sam and Ren jumped around in excitement.