Scars

The First Nights

Everyone was in bed besides Sam and me, and quite frankly, I was ready to pass out on his bed. I restrained from doing so long enough to brush my teeth and put on a large tee. I was about to put on sweatpants when I stopped myself. I was going to eventually get married to him. I would have to get over it at some point. It wasn't like anything was going to happen while the kids were in the other room.

When I walked into Sam's bedroom, where he was ditching his shirt, he smiled. He held his arms out for a hug and I came in to give him one. But he stopped me suddenly, putting a hand on my shoulder. He raised an eyebrow and lifted up the edge of my shirt slightly to inspect whether or not I was voluntarily not wearing pants. He let it drop back into place and smirked. "I should have asked you to marry me a long time ago.

I laughed at his remark and gave him the hug anyway. I could hear his heart beating in his chest. His bare chest, like a space heater in the cold room, made me shiver at the sudden temperature change. I breathed in the scent of old spice once again and sighed out with a smile. He let go of me too soon, kissing my hair and disappearing into the bathroom.

I sighed to myself and gave up, practically diving into bed. The sheets smelled like him and I was almost intoxicated by it. I breathed it in and curled my knees to my chest, bringing all my body heat to one small area on the mattress. I blocked out any doubts I had about Sam and basked in the moment.

Sam didn't take very long, and soon he came out and yawned loudly. I had my eyes closed, half asleep, and I didn't care enough to open them. The light behind my eyelids clicked off and I listened to the floorboards creak slightly as Sam approached the bed. The mattress dipped as he slid in next to me.

I gave him my back and his hands searched for me in the darkness, pulling me tightly to his chest. I maintained my fetal position, though, and used it as an excuse to keep myself a distance of sorts between the two of us.

Sam's lips were beside my ear as he spoke. "Goodnight."

"Night."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

***

Living with Sam was a routine. It was almost the same thing every night. Pizza on the couch. The kids go to bed. I brush my teeth and admire my ring. Crawl into bed with Sam. Fetal Position. Sleep. But tonight was a very different story.

Sure, there was still pizza on the couch. But when the kids went off to bed, the fighting started. It was inevitable, it being close to a month since I had moved in. Honestly, I had expected it to happen much sooner. The only problem is that I would have never expected the outcome.

George was the first to go to bed. Ren and Sam went after Ren had passed out, tired, on the couch. But Sam and I never went. We sat on the couch and stared at the wall in front of us until I broke our silence. "Uh, so I'm going to Nick's tomorrow to drop of Ren before school. But I can still give George a lift to school."

Sam was silent, so I looked up at him. His face was concentrating on the wall. I was about to repeat myself when he spoke. "You've been going to Nick's a lot lately without me."

"Yeah. Is that a problem?" I wasn't sure what Sam's point was. He was one to be talking.

Sam pursed his lips and lied. "No."

I moved out from under his arm, concerned and slightly irritated that he wouldn't tell me what was up. "Sam, seriously. What's your deal with him lately? You get weird at the very mention of his name. Is everything okay?"

"Its... he just... he gives me a bad feeling okay?" I stared at him blankly and he continued. "Honestly? He looks at you with... this look. He has feelings for you."