Scars

The First Day of the Last Year

“You thinking about applying to any colleges?” Nick asked me as he poured coffee into a chipping mug. I had come to drop off Ren before school and I still had half an hour to kill. The room was filled with the scent of coffee as Ren sat on the kitchen floor playing with dome dolls Nick had gotten her.

It had been about a month since Nick and I had started sharing Ren. So far, it’s been working out without any problems. I get Ren Wednesdays through Fridays and Nick got her every other day. He didn’t ever complain when I needed him to watch her so I could go out with Sam. He was more enthused than annoyed.

But since today was my first day of senior year, Nick and I had not yet been able to figure out how to share Ren. We decided that I would drop her off at his place and pick her up after school for today and figure out whatever came after that later.

Nick absolutely loved it when Ren came over and he constantly spends his rent money on things for her. It took a lot to convince him that he didn’t need to get her a new bed. Reluctantly he lost that battle and she went back to sleeping with him in his bed. I was honestly worried about Nick. I even got Ren to put some of her good toys in a box and sent them to Nick so he didn’t feel like he needed to get her anything. But at the same time, I thought it was sweet that he was trying to go out of his way for her. I was honestly just glad that his rent was insanely cheap.

Nick handed me my coffee, so I went to the cabinet to get some sugar. The cabinet was filled with foods that you wouldn’t normally find in an eighteen year old boy’s kitchen. There was a multitude of goldfish, applesauce, and crappy bite-sized children snacks. But peeking out from behind a giant box of Ren’s Lucky Charms was a family sized bag of candy that he had obviously tried to hide from me. I laughed through my nose and closed the cabinet. Some things just never change.

I sipped my coffee quietly, pondering his question as he handed another mug to Sam. Sam took the steaming liquid and said, “I was actually curious about the same thing.” Since it was my first day, Sam insisted on driving me to school. When I told him I would be a while, he insisted on coming inside with me. He told me he didn’t want things to be awkward between him and Ren’s father if he and I were going to ever get serious. He seemed okay with it all, but it wasn’t too hard to tell that he felt slightly awkward sitting in Nick’s chair in Nick’s apartment drinking Nick’s coffee.

But what made Sam in the least bit okay about it all was that he knew deep down that I was his. Nick and I may have Ren, but Nick didn’t have me. I was all for Sam and that made him the happiest person in the world.

“I don’t know” I admitted, “I haven’t really thought about it.” College seemed like such a long shot now. I don’t think they exactly welcome teen mothers with welcome arms. Plus, I’m afraid I might not have any time for Ren.

“Yeah, well don’t pressure yourself too much” Nick said as he drained the last drop of coffee from his mug. Ren still played, less quietly now, with her dolls.

“I mean Nick and I haven’t been to college and we’re doing just fine” Sam said as he looked up from his mug.

I thought for a moment before I looked down at my phone. I sighed loudly. “Well, the dreaded time has come” I looked up at Sam, “You ready?”

Sam held up a finger as he gulped what was left in his mug. Once he had drained it he said standing up, “Yeah.”

“Good luck today, Brin” Nick said as bent down to give Ren a hug.

I smiled up at him. “Thanks. I’m probably going to need it.”

***

“I can walk in with you or something” Sam offered as I sat in the passenger seat of his car. My stomach was doing somersaults and cartwheels inside of me. I felt sick. Wait. Maybe you are sick. You’re going to have to go home now. Bummer.

“Uh, no, I… I think I can handle it” I said back to him with a sigh. With that, I took a deep breath and opened the door. Sam got out as well to open the trunk for me. With shaking hands I pulled my heavy bag out and turned to Sam.

I took deep breaths which made Sam smile. He placed his hands on my cheeks, trying to hold in a laugh. “You’ll be okay. I’ll be right here after school.” Sam kissed the top of my head. “Okay?”

I snuck a quick glance around me. Laughing, I whispered to Sam, “People are staring.”

Sam grinned, “Good” before he placed a sloppy kiss on my lips. He still tasted like coffee.

People stared as I walked towards the building. I could almost hear what they were thinking. Was he the Father? That couldn’t be. How could prego girl bag a guy like him? He must be crazy. But for some odd reason, it gave me a burst of confidence. This year could be different.

I found my locker in no time and quickly shoved my books inside. I rushed off to my first class early so I could avoid as many people as possible. Familiar faces gave me sympathetic looks and some small freshman avoided my glance. But that was until I saw a smile at me in the crowd of freshman.

George came up to me, flanked by two shorter, scrawny boys. The two looked uncomfortable. They had probably heard. It seemed like it was part of orientation to explain to the freshman all of the outcasts of the school. “Brin. Haven’t seen you in while. Sam never brings you home anymore.” The boys gave him a strange look, but he ignored them.

“Oh hey. Um, I think I’m coming over tonight actually.”

“Cool. See you tonight then.” He said before he moved on through the crowd. I had completely forgotten that it was his first day. Sam must have made him get another ride so he could take me. I smiled to myself.

I continued down the hall and ducked into my honors physics class. The teacher was not in the room, but someone else was. She had bright blonde curls that hung around her shoulders. She smiled when she saw me, but it wasn’t sympathetic. Must be new. “Brin?” she asked. So she had heard. I nodded slightly. “Hi. Uh I’m Kristen, but everyone calls me Kristie.”

I gave a half smile and sat down at a different lab table. But that only made her move over to sit next to me. “So are you really… like a mom?” she asked. Oh come on. I nodded while rolling my eyes. “Oh sorry. I didn’t mean to, like, offend you or anything. See, I’m new,” No kidding, “and I was just curious. I think it’s kind of cool though. You know, that you keep coming to school even though everyone, like, thinks…” she trailed off, probably because she didn’t want to offend me.

“Uh, thanks.” Come on Brin. Try and act friendly for once. “Uh, so why’d you transfer here for senior year?” I asked, trying to start a conversation.

She laughed, “Military family.”

“That’s cool. Where were you stationed last?” This was slightly pathetic in my head.

She laughed again. “Oh. Washington.”

“Wow. That’s a large difference in temperature.” I was actually kind of surprised.

A boy came in then, silencing our conversation. He saw me and became uncomfortable, even though I had gone to Kindergarten with him.