im inlove with this photo ^
tw
THE NEXT COUPLE DAYS WERE HARD ON BILLIE. She had had her lows, but she had never been this low. It had never been this bad. She felt like she was drowning.
She got up that morning feeling drained and empty. Like it was existential suffering.
She slowly got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. She looked at her reflection looking back at her in the mirror. She saw a weak, ugly, tired girl looking back at her. She decided to go for a shower. She slowly undressed and looked at herself in the mirror once again. She hated looking at herself naked. She felt disgusting.
She took one foot into the shower and the steaming hot water hit her skin. It was very hot, the type of hot that will make your skin red after showering. She liked the pain it gave her. She didn't know why, it just gave her a sense of comfort.
As she showered she did a lot of thinking. She didn't know if she actually loved Carl. Or it was just the heat of the moment. She thought it was too quick after Q. Because Billie knew she was in love with him, but, maybe Q wasn't in love with her. All she knew is that she liked Carl, but she knew, he didn't like her the way she liked him.
She got out of she shower, dried her hair, and threw on a baggy long sleeve band shirt with baggy sweat shorts.
She didn't feel like doing much that day, due to her lack of energy and motivation, but one thing she wanted to do was write. She had so much to say but no way to say it, and the only way she could say it, was through writing.
She went and sat at her studio, already with an idea in her head. She put some melodies and beats together. Sounding like, when there's no hope left. The sound of hopelessness.
She began writing how she felt.
Take me, to the rooftop
I wanna see, the world when I stop breathing
Turning blue
She wrote as she poured out what she's been feeling the past few days.
Tell me, love is endless
Don't be so pretentious
Leave me, like you do
She wrote from the memory of her and Carl.
If you need me
Wanna see me
Better hurry
Cause I'm leaving soon
She wrote as she felt her heart ease a bit. She felt as if she wrote them down and said what she was feeling, it would stop her from doing what she was feeling. But in the end, she knew it would come back eventually.
Sorry can't save me now
Sorry I don't know how
Sorry there's no way out
But down
Down
She kept writing as tears fell down from her cheeks onto the notebook. Smudging the writing she had done.
Taste me, the salty tears on my cheek
That's what a year long headache
She sobbed.
Does to you
I'm not okay
I feel so scattered
YOU ARE READING
eilish - carl gallagher
Fanfiction(PLEASE READ!!!) this story is discontinued thus far. i most likely won't come back to it but you never know. the writing is truely awful, none of it was drafted nor planned i just wrote as i went so if there are plot holes (they definitely is) jus...
