A Reason for Being

9. Easily

There were no thoughts, just complete silence as Y/N entered her home. Locking herself in the bathroom, she sits on the cold tile as she waits for the hot water to start. Trying to convince herself that nothing happened outside, with the man with the chocolate hair. Her heart was racing, and her skin felt hot. Drowning herself in the humidity of the steamy water, she tries to forget. Forget the way her entire body radiated with goosebumps when she grazed his cheek. His hair, since the first day she saw him, she wondered how it would feel if she ran her fingers through it. It was softer than she imagined it being, and his eyes, the dark mocha color, like the cosmos, full of wonder and mystery.

"I am never drinking again." She says to herself, blaming the influence of alcohol for her odd state.

"I take it it was you and freckles that brought me home," Y/N states, as Yachi was awkwardly sitting at the corner of the sofa, unsure of what to do. "Well, it's time for bed. C'mon."

Yachi was hesitant to move, feeling like a burden for being there. "Or sleep on the uncomfortable sofa if you wish, do what you want."

Yachi remembers decorating Y/N bedroom for her. It was the only room Y/N that was specific about the color scheme. Gold, white and teal. It turned out beautifully, elegant yet cozy. Yachi entered this room countless times, just four blank walls to her. But now it is different. This is Y/N's room, her safe space. A person's bedroom is the most personal part of a home, where someone can be themselves, untouched and unbothered by the outside troubles.

"Spit it out, Yachi," Y/N speaks as the two of them are lying in bed. She could feel Yachi staring and the nervous biting of her lower lip, a tick she does when she wants to say something.

"Oh, it's nothing. It's just well, I'm sorry. For interrupting you two out there..." Yachi's perspective was that a drunk Y/N was in the grasp of a predator. Her legs started to move before she saw everything clearly.

Their lips were just centimeters away from one another, like magnets they would have bonded if Yachi wouldn't have yelled.

"Nothing happened. So it's fine." Y/N also wondered what would have happened if the two of them were uninterrupted.

She felt foolish about the entire situation. What on earth possessed her to knock at someone's door just to make them understand that she wasn't a rude person, all while saying it in the rudest way possible.

Her way of speaking is a defense mechanism, purposely pushing people away before they get too close. She just wanted him to know that.

"Have you ever been in love?" Yachi whispers. Her eyes were getting heavy as she noticed Y/N staring up into the ceiling with curiosity-filled eyes.

"No." Y/N quickly responds. "Well, that is not entirely true. Just once, as a kid, I thought I felt that emotion. But what did I know about love as such a naive age."

Many summers ago.

Y/N tries to remember but it's like a vague picture, fuzzy and unclear. All she remembers is the feeling of pure happiness and joy. Maybe it wasn't love that she felt, not the romance kind anyways, but it has been the closest she has ever gotten to that sort of emotion.

"So what happened?" A curious Yachi asks.

"Nothing. Summer ended, and they went back home. Never saw them again."

That summer was the last time Y/N was genuinely happy. It is a hard memory for her to reminisce on, but she remembers the warmth of her heart, full of love and joy.

But just like the seasons, her happiness came to an end, and the blistering cold drowned her warmth.

Shortly after realizing she was never going to see her friend again, her parents also left her.

She vividly remembers the autumn day, the memory that stands frozen in time. The leaves fell from the skies, as well as her tears, filling the ground she walked on. It was an imaginable pain she felt. Not only because she lost her parents, but the one person she wanted to run to, to be with during such a tragic time, was somewhere across the world, too far away from her grasp.

The only person she got close to was her grandmother, who raised her after her parents' accident.

After many years of mourning, Y/n was content. Just her and her grandmother. That's is all she needed. But even she passed peacefully from old age, leaving her alone again.

She carried the anger from abandonment with her for many years, refusing to get close to anyone else.

They will leave me anyway.

As an adult now, she understands there was nothing she could have done. She shouldn't hold much resentment for a person who had no say in leaving. They were just kids.

She does wonder how different her life would have been. If she would have had someone alongside her. Someone, she can call "best friend."

"And what about you Yachi, why arent you and Man-bun in a romantic relationship?"

"W-what? N-no. We are just friends...and besides, we would probably create a black hole filled with anxiety, tearing a hole in the space-time continuum. We wouldn't make sense." The last part fell as a whisper. It was like Yachi has analyzed the possibilities and has come up with the conclusion that it won't work.

"What does physics have to do with romance, Yachi? It doesn't have to make sense to anyone else, only to the two of you." But Y/N's conclusion, the logical one, is that Yachi is just afraid. "Let your anxiety, your fear guide you cautiously through life. Just dont let it stop you from living."

Just because it won't come easily doesn't mean we shouldn't try.

"And don't let your fear of abandonment keep you from getting close to people, Y/N."

The time Y/N met Yachi through a computer screen, she could sense the uneasiness radiating from Yachi through the pixels. The definition of anxiety could be described as one person, Yachi.

Y/N watched her closely, how she intensively took notes and listened to every single detail of the meeting. In the meeting hierarchy, Yachi would probably be last on the list. Yet, in Y/N's eyes, she was the most important. It was Yachi who translated everything to her during that meeting. One single mistranslation and the meeting would have taken a different turn.

"Um, excuse me, can you speak up louder. I couldn't hear what you said." There was a creak in her voice as she spoke to the CEO, interrupting him mid-sentence.

One of the other chairmen got angry at Yachi for interrupting. "Who do you think you are interrupting, girl. You are here to translate. Do your job and speak when you are spoken to."

"I-I'm sorry, I-I just couldn't hear. How can I translate if I dont hear what you are saying." Yachi responded.

The interaction was all in Spanish, but Y/N was able to understand most of it. It was the way Yachi bravely stood up for herself, Y/N admired. Even though she could see Yachi shaking with nerves, she stood up for herself, demanding, very timidly, for what she needed.

"Yachi. Please translate this for me, word for word." Y/N interrupts, "Tell the sorry excuse of a man, not to interrupt my translator. She has specific roles in this meeting. Anything she says comes directly from my order. Disrespecting her is equal to disrespecting me, and I will not tolerate such insolence from a man with a suit the color of shit."

Yachi was already strong. Y/N could see that all she needed was the right amount of power behind her shaking voice. It was the moment Y/N vowed to take Yachi under her wing. To show her to walk with her head held high, to be unafraid.

"When did you become so wise." Y/N laughs as the two of them drift off to sleep. "I will deny I ever said this but thank you, Yachi. Not just for today, but for everything you do."

Thank you for being my friend.

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A/N:

"Easily" By Bruno Major. Great song.