A Reason for Being

31. He's not home

Even as a child, Y/N has not ever been the one to desire something so desperately beyond her reach. Getting her hopes up, only to be let down. In her pessimistic mind, there was no point in deluding herself. Birthdays, holidays, she was just grateful to have her grandmother. She never needed anything else.

There was only one time she vividly remembers wanting something, to the point of desperation. In the park, she would sit with her grandmother, looking over at the ducks. "Can I pet them, grandma?" She asked.

"I don't know if they will let you, Y/N." Her grandmother replied. A young Y/N would try everything she could, sneaking, walking, waving at them, hoping they wouldn't get startled and let her pet them. But each time, they would quack at her and run away.

After her daily walk around the park, as her grandmother sat at her favorite bench, Y/N noticed the ducks weren't basking in the lake like usual. In the distance, they were crowded around something. Walking closer to the quacking, she saw a person, a little boy, surrounded by her flying friends. With his legs crossed, and his fingers petting the ducks, Y/N has never felt such envy before.

"NO FAIR! I WANT TO PET THEM TOO!" She cried out.

The little boy looked up to Y/N, with the pig tales and tears in her eyes. "It's okay. Don't cry. Come here. We can feed them together."

"They always run away from me." She said through her uneven breaths. "I try to feed them, but they never like the bread I bring them."

He pats the soft grass for her to sit on, "Well, that is because they don't like bread. I did my research. See, they like oats and grapes!" The kid excitedly said, handing Y/N a handful of grapes. She panned out her palm, and to her surprise, the ducks slowly approached her. She was frozen with such astonishment. "Pet them," He whispered.

It was something so simple, such a trivial thing Y/N wanted so desperately to do. But once her fingers touched the soft feathers, it was all worth it.

She has never felt such desire to do something, to want anything else, until this moment, as his back faces her, as he walks further away from her.

Her heart and mind race, desperately telling at her to go after him. To chase him and explain.

But her body is frozen. Unable to react. Tooru was too far away from her reach.

"Yeah, I'll be right there." Atsumu's voice interrupted Y/N's inability to react.

"Sorry, doll. I gotta get goin'. We'll continue this later." He kisses her cheek. Y/N was unsure if he was oblivious to the entire mess he created for her. Or he just didn't care. Probably the latter.

Atsumu walks past a stunned Yachi. Like always, she makes it right at the wrong time, witnesses everything through the looking glass. "Sup cutie." He whispers to her as they walk past each other.

"Y/N..." Yachi whispers. Her boss was still standing in the middle of her office, completely frozen. Her mind still needed time to process everything that happened. "I can probably catch up to him. I'll explain everything."

"There's no point, Yachi. What is there to explain? What am I supposed to say? 'Sorry you walked in on me and my fuck buddy, it wasn't what it looked like?' There is no explaining it. He saw exactly the truth." Y/N sighed.

She thought of all the possibilities in her mind, of how she would explain things to Tooru, but all of them ended up the same. When the inevitable question arose, she would have to answer honestly. Yes, Atsumu and her have a sexual relationship, yes when she ran away from Tooru, she purposely sought Atsumu out to comfort her in her twisted ideology of comfort.

She dealt with this situation like she does everything else, burying it into her subconscious. Focusing on her work until the pain subsided.

"You know Y/N, it's not always such a bad thing to fight for what you want," Yachi tells her. "You're the one who told me that"

Y/N went full-on autopilot at work, answering phone calls, sending emails. She did, however, stop and take a short break. The guilt was eating her up inside. Yachi was upset at her for doing what Y/N's does best. Avoid and forget. With a hot chocolate and a muffin in her hands, she walks over to her friend. "I can handle just about everything, except your puppy dog eyes being mad at me," Y/N says.

"Is it chocolate?" Yachi glances at her friend with a smile. Even if she wanted to, Yachi couldn't stay mad at Y/N.

Her friend's words stick with her the entire day, even on the drive home. Y/N always prided herself on being strong and brave. Yet every time it has to do with Tooru, she was nothing but a coward.

She stops in front of her door with her keys in her hand.

Don't be such a fucking coward. She whispers to herself.

Fine Yachi. You win. She says to her conscious that personified her closest friend.

Taking a few steps back from her door, she walks over to her neighbor's door.

The door opened quicker than she was anticipated. She usually has some time to gather her thoughts, then usually no one answers, and she goes back home.

"Hey Y/N," he says.

"Hajime. Welcome home." She gives him the best fake smile she could muster. He wasn't the person she wanted to see, but it was good to see a friendly face.

"I leave for a few days, and Atsumu comes and makes a mess of things." Iwaizumi chuckles.

The news spreads fast in that household.

"It's all a fucking mess, Iwa." She sighs. Iwaizumi is very familiar with Y/N and Atsumu's relationship. But like his girlfriend, he doesn't judge her. "I don't even know why I knocked. To be honest, I don't even know what to tell him."

"I think you do." Iwaizumi smiles at her. "The Y/N I know knows what she wants. Which why she is standing here and not somewhere else, like with Atsumu, for example."

"Is he home?" She asks. Iwaizumi quickly glances into the kitchen, where his roommate was leaning against the wall, shaking his head no.

"Sorry, he's not home." Iwaizumi says, making it as apparent as he could with his eyes that Tooru was home. He was just being stubborn and nosy. "I can tell him you stopped by, though."

"Rolled taquitos with guacamole and cheese." She says, making Iwaizumi look at her with confusion. "It's my favorite food. Tooru told me his favorite, so I figured he should know."

Y/N was unable to see Tooru. He was leaning against the wall, smiling at her words.

"Anyways, I have to go." She said. "I shouldn't be long. And my balcony door is unlocked. In case anyone finally decides they want to talk to me." She yells into the apartment.

----------------------

Hours later, as Y/N is sitting on her couch, the breeze of her balcony door sends shivers to her skin.

"You shouldn't leave your balcony door open. Someone could just waltz in." The voice says.

The building she lived in was secure, plus living on the topmost level, the only intruders would be her neighbors. Which was who she was hoping for.

His voice is always so soothing to hear. Y/N didn't even have to look over to know it was Tooru standing there.

"I didn't think you'd come." She smiles at him. Y/N didn't want to get her hopes up of him actually showing up, so she tried not to think about it. But seeing him, standing in front of her, is a pleasant surprise.

"I was in the neighborhood." He responds.

"Well, you came at a perfect time." She says, holding up her food, "I don't share these with just anyone."

"Not even Atsumu?" He bluntly states. The subject of the conversation was brought up quicker than she imagined.

"Nope. Not even him." She responds.

A/N:

Not a bad thing - Justin Timberlake.

Y/N's favorite food can be whatever reader wants 😄 I'm just eating taquitos rn lmao