It was two weeks later, when Stevie heard her phone ringing very early in the morning. Still sleepy, she grabbed the phone. It had to be important, if somebody dared to call her at that time of the day.
"Hello?"
"Stevie?"
"Yeah, it's me."
"This is Kristen.."
"Oh... Hello, Kristen.. How are y...-"
"I'm dying.", Kristen said matter-of-factly.
Stevie swallowed hard. She had no idea what to respond, what to say. She didn't even know why Kristen was calling.
"Kristen, I.."
"Stevie, I need to see you. It's important. Can you come over?"
"Of course.", Stevie replied quickly.
"I guess you know in which hospital I am. My room is 546."
"I'll be there in an hour."
When Stevie made her way down the hall of the hospital, she felt her stomach turning. Her mouth was dry and her heart pounded like crazy inside of her chest. She had no idea what was going to happen within the next few minutes.
She took a deep breath, when she reached room 546 and knocked softly at the door.
"Come in."
Stevie opened up and looked right at the bed in front of her. Her heart almost skipped a beat as she saw the small person who lay in it. She could barely recognize Kristen anymore.
"Hello.", Stevie said timidly and closed the door behind her.
"Come here.", Kristen said weakly and pointed at the chair beside her bed.
Slowly, Stevie made her way across the room and sat down next to Kristen's bed.
"Kristen, I'm so sorry for what happened to you.. I'm..-"
"Stevie, please, stop it. I don't need your pity! That's not why I called you."
Her voice sounded weakly but her harsh words had still an effect on Stevie. Did Kristen know? She said nothing in response and waited patiently for Kristen's next words.
"I know that you and Lindsey had something going on when you were away."
"He.. he told you?", Stevie gasped.
"No, he didn't. It wasn't necessary. I knew it the very moment I saw the both of you coming out of the airport."
"Kristen, I'm so sorry.. Really, so, so sorry.."
"Don't.. Just... don't..", Kristen said and lifted up her hands to hush Stevie.
She obeyed and bit nervously her lower lip.
"Stevie, I know he loves you. He has always loved you. And I know you love him, too.."
Stevie felt terrible. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt so incredibly guilty.
"Stevie, I need you to promise me something. I... I need your help."
"Of course.", she said quickly, feeling deeply indepted to Kristen.
"When I die, Stevie...-"
"Kristen..-"
"Let me finish! This is important! When I die, Stevie, I need you to take care of my family."
"What?"
"I need you to be there for Lindsey. And for my children, Stevie. Can you do that?"
Stevie looked at Kristen with wide eyes, shock and surprise written all over her face.
She felt as if history was repeating itself in that very moment, as if she was taken back to the year 1982, when her dearest friend Robin had lain in an identical hospital bed and had made her promise the exact same thing. She remembered how fragile, how weak, Robin had been, how she had begged her to care for her family and how terribly Stevie had failed that task.
"Stevie? Can you do that?", Kristen asked again, vigorously this time.
Could she? Could she do that? Was she strong enough to look after Kristen's children? Was she capable of taking such a huge responsibility? What if she was going to fail again? The last time she had promised someone to look after their family, she had made one of the biggest mistakes of her life. She had married a man she hadn't loved in order to fill a gap that had been impossible for her to fill. She had turned to drugs that had nearly killed her to surpress the pain she had been feeling. She had shut anybody out, most of all Lindsey, that had tried to help her, to save her from what she was doing to herself.
And she had promised herself over and over to not ever make that same mistake again.
She looked up right into Kristen's eyes. And she saw the same fear, the same grief, the same pain she had seen in Robin's eyes back then.
"Yes..", Stevie said quietly for the second time but unlike the last time, she knew she was going to make this right. For Kristen. For Robin. For Lindsey. For Lindsey's children. And most of all, for herself.
"I thank you, Stevie.", Kristen said gratefully and leaned back into her pillows. She was exhausted. And tired. So, so tired.
"I cannot tell you how thankful I am, Stevie.. Knowing that you will be there for them.. That makes it a lot easier for me to go.."
"Kristen, I will do my very best, I promise you.", Stevie said and grabbed Kristen's hand.
Kristen nodded, mouthing another "thank you" at her and drifted off to sleep.
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When Stevie arrived back at her condo two hours later, she was in deep thoughts. Never ever had she imagined that Kristen had wanted that from her. She had expected anything to happen but not that. What should she do now? Should she call Lindsey? No. This was something between her and Kristen. Maybe she would tell him one day but not now. His life was already pretty fucked up without knowing this.. She missed him so much. Even though, she had given him the keys to her home, he hadn't come by often. She understood that, of course. But being separated from him for so long still hurt. She was so used to having him around all the time after living with him for one and a half years. How was their future going to look like? Would they move in together? Would she live with him and his two daughters? Would that even work out? Would the girls accept her? Would they even like her? Would they think she wanted to replace their mother? Leelee and Stella were no little girls anymore. They were teenagers. She had no idea how to cope with teenagers. And what about William? He was 18 – practically a grown-up. She had always loved children but had never had some of her own. Was this possibly her last chance to have a family? After so many years of being alone?
And then suddenly, she felt guilty again. How could she even sit here and think about a future with Lindsey and his children when their mother was not even gone yet, but still alive, lying in a clinic only a few miles away, agonizing.
Stevie closed her eyes and fell down on her bed. This was too much for her. And in that moment she asked herself, if she even had the power to handle all this in her age. She wasn't thirty or forty anymore! She was fucking 68! But she had made a promise and this time she was going to keep it!
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I hope you're still with me. I have to admit that this story turned into something completely different than I actually intended to write. I hope you still like it, though?! Some feedback would be helpful. Thank you all for reading. :) Lara
