Chased (BS#4)

T-Train Wreck

"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT."

Nailing si Clarine. Mula sa pagkakatulala sa pagkakahiga sa kama ay bumangon siya. Sinapo niya ang sariling noo. "I can't believe he's in love with me," aniya sa sarili.

Malinaw sa una palang. Alam niya sa sarili na hindi siya nagkulang sa pagiging diretso tungkol sa pananaw. Even before she knew about him being the prospect, she clearly told him she was not into long-term relationships.

Sa nagdaang taon ay hindi kailanman nagbago ang isipan niya. She dated for a while, yes. But those only lasted shorter than the midnight of a June solstice. Fleeting and unnoticed. Hindi kailanman sa mga iyon siya natakot.

She was never been this scared. Nakakatawa pa niyon ay natakot siya sa pag-amin ng binata. It was the most terrifying thing to hear. Like a billion-dollar question to pass a licensure exam. Kung para kanino siya natakot ay hindi niya matukoy.

If he'd ask her if she enjoyed the moments they shared, there's no lie she did. She enjoyed every bit of it. Hindi niya akalain na trial version lang pala iyon. How foolish of her to think she can stay with him, that way.

Hindi siya nito pwedeng mahalin. Hindi pwedeng magustuhan nang higit pa sa kaibigan. Heck, he's better off treating her like an annoying pest who feeds on his blood. Kung di rin naman isa't kalahating tanga at kalahati pang marupok ang isang iyon, bakit naman ito magmamahal ng taong alam naman nitong sa una palang ay hindi sumusukli ng damdamin?

Niyakap niya ang dalawang tuhod at yumuko. She felt so bad about this. Kasalanan siguro niya kung bakit ito nagkaroon ng nararamdaman para sa kanya. She might have been careless. It's probably the kisses they shared. Kung hindi siya nagmatigas ulo na magpunta-punta sa bahay nito, hindi naman sila hahantong sa ganoon.

Her heart feels heavy. Para bang unti-unti iyong nilalamon ng kumunoy.

Hindi siya ang babaeng dapat mahalin ng binata. Alam niya iyon. Sa lahat ng tao, siya ang pinakanakakasiguro niyon. He needs a woman who can actually stay by his side. A woman who would not hinder his plans. Help him, support him to strive more in his business ventures. Iyong tahanan na pwede nitong uwian pagkatapos nang nakakaupos na araw.

At malinaw na hindi siya ang babaeng iyon.

Nothing in this world has ever changed her mind about changing. Pamilya, kaibigan o career. Lahat nang iyon ay walang nakapigil sa kanya... Bumabalik man siya rito ngunit hindi nagtatagal. Hindi niya kailanman isinuko ang kalayaan at hindi niya nakikita ang sariling nakukuntento sa iisang lugar. She will always... always leave. That has always been her life. A woman with endless destination. Always looking. Always searching. Always slipping away.

Did he actually thought he can be a reason for her to stay? Did her presence fooled him into thinking he can actually change her mind?

"You're a fool, De Silva."

It should have been perfect to just stay friends. To ignore the lingering attraction. Yes! She is attracted to him. She wouldn't kiss him that way, if she wasn't. Pero hindi iyon sapat. Hindi sapat para sumubok. Kung sumubok man siya'y sigurado din naman niyang kamumuhian din siya nito sa huli. Kaya kung magalit ito sa kanya'y mabuti pang gawin na nito ng maaga. It's all the same. He'd hate her eventually because the end is always her abandoning him.

Hindi nito kailangan ng babaeng kagaya niya. He could do better! He's a good provider, knows how to take care of a woman and is willing to compromise. Has a bit of temper but is imperfectly fine. Marami pang iba riyan. Makakakita pa ito ng ibang mamahalin.

What's left now is for him to see that she's not a suitable partner for him. He has to realized that she's always the bad choice to fall in love with. That waiting for her is a hopeless case.