Mentally in love (Remington Leith)

Chapter Fifty-Four

After my session with Larisa, I headed to my room, my new journal in hand. 

I began to hum a small tune as I made it to my room. I looked around and noticed Josh and Debby kissing....very passionately...on her bed. 

"Oh-" I blushed as I turned around, heading out the door. 

"Oh shit- sorry El," Debby called out. 

"All is well," I laughed as I began to walk towards the garden. It was probably a better place to write in the journal anyways. Surrounded by flowers, feeling safe amongst the roses. 

I kept my eyes leveled with the ground as I continued my journey towards my safe haven. 

"I could start off with an explanation...maybe explain why I was so messed up when I first arrived. They only know part of my story, not all," I rambled under my breath. 

I pushed the door open outside. I continued to walk towards the garden as I smiled at the roses. I brushed my nose against the petals. I smiled happily as I pulled away, giggling.  I took a seat by the water fountain and opened my journal. Sighing as I began to write. 

What has changed from when I first arrived to now? Well, we can start off easy and say that I am more confident. Happier?  But again, that is easy. Why don't we start from the beginning? When I was a broken girl with more than enough to show for it. When my scars defined my battles. I used to be so broken and sad, never thought I could be repaired. After my battles in the psych ward before this place, I refused to speak. I refused to stand up for myself. I was weak, but I had an excuse for that. I was beaten and abused in every which way. I didn't believe in friends or having a support group. I thought I had to face my battles on my own because "no one could know what the crazy psycho went through". 

But now, I see myself differently. I have friends and a new family, though it hurts to remember my old family...god, how I miss them... All my life I've been bullied and alone, I never felt like I belonged. But with my family, I never felt that way. I felt accepted and loved. I was devastated when they died, especially when I was put on trial for a murder I never committed. I had to plea guilty, all the evidence was on me. I...I had to fake insanity to get off of a worsened sentence, but now I feel like prison would've been better than the cards I was dealt. 

The torment I was put through has somehow become worth it. Now that I see all the amazing people I've met and come to love. It seems worth every battle, every scar, everything...They have helped me realize my strength and my passions. They have helped me realize that I am less alone. They are my support, my family, my friends, and everything in between. 

I am a goddess, a queen of flowers. I am not a victim, but a survivor. I feel as if I have grown from that experience and I will continue to grow into the person I was meant to become. I have you to thank and my new family.  You guys have helped me grow and become stronger, more confident in myself. I am thankful for that. I just can't wait to see who I become when I get out of here. 

"What are you writing about?" I jumped as I turned to see Remington. My eyes glistened with tears. I didn't realize how passionate I had become when writing. I wiped my tears as I smiled, setting down the journal before racing towards him. 

"Hi baby," He smiled as he hoisted me up into his arms. My legs wrapped around his waist as I pulled him close. He laughed as he used his hands to support my legs. 

"I've missed you so much," I cooed into his neck, planting a small kiss where I spoke. He hummed as his grip tightened. 

"I've missed you more, my queen," He whispered as he planted a kiss onto my head. 

"Where have you been?" I whispered. 

"I was making new music with the boys. We have a new album coming out soon," He rested his chin against my head as he slowly began to spin us around. My tight grip became more present around him as I held on for dear life. 

"You ready?" He chuckled deeply as he stopped spinning and gently laid on the floor leaving me to straddle his waist. I blushed with a small chuckle as I sat comfortably on his waist, looking down at him. 

"Hi," I whispered as I smiled at him. 

"Hello gorgeous," He smiled as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. 

"I think you're the gorgeous one," I winked. He shook his head, just sitting there, admiring my beauty. 

"I heard you had a session with Larisa earlier, how did that go?" He asked as he propped his legs up for me to relax up against. I smiled at the new "chair" and relaxed my legs at his side. He gently interlocked our hands, playing with my knuckles. 

"Pretty good, I think. I feel more like myself than I have in the past. I am finally figuring out who I am and what I mean to myself. I was actually working on an assignment, that's what I was writing," I rambled. A smile tugged on his lips as he listened to every word I spoke. 

"Well, I like who you have become. I've liked you from the moment I saw you enter the room," He spoked as he pressed a kiss to my hand. 

"Liar, you were such a prick when I first entered the room," I laughed. He smiled, nodding. 

"Yes, yes I was. And I was a prick leading into some events after that. But we both know how terrible I was at expressing myself, though it is no excuse. I'm just happy that we've moved on and that we are better..." 

"I'm happy that we're better too," I smiled as a leaned forward, hovering my face over his as I gently leaned down to kiss him. 

He brought his lips up to catch mine, tempting me with a small peck before gripping me gently, flipping us, so I was under him. A small gasp filled my lungs as he chuckled, brushing his lips against mine again, cradling my cheek into his palm as he gently traced my cheekbones with his thumb. 

I wasn't sure how long this would last, but I silently prayed that it lasted forever. His lips on mine caused a hallelujah to want to draw from my lips. It was as if he was a God and I was sitting here, worshiping him. I fucking love this man... and he loved me just the same.