Mentally in love (Remington Leith)

Chapter Twelve

"I want to play you a song," Tyler offered me his hand. I accepted it and followed him to a reading chair that was set in the corner of the room. I smiled and sat in the chair. The whole room was covered in noise canceling foam, it was red and black like a checkers board. The floor was covered in black carpet.

"I made a song, it's not done. But. I feel like it might cheer you up," Tyler smiled and placed himself behind the piano.

Oh, Miss Believer, my pretty sleeper.

His voice echoed around the room. His voice seemed to blend with the chords giving me chills. His voice was so angelic.

Your twisted mind is like snow on the road

I closed my eyes and relaxed into the lyrics.

Your shaking shoulders prove that it's colder inside your head, than the winter of dead.

The lyrics seemed to hit me across the face. His voice hugged me as tears began to puddle around my eyes. I was happy, but also ridden with sadness. I had just gotten into a fight with my friend, my roommate, someone who I was beginning to care about.

The lyrics seemed to drown me with passion. His holding my hand with his. His music made my heart ache. I felt cared for, and I haven't been able to feel that way in a long time. My hands were clasped together, holding onto these lyrics as they spoke to me. My tears streaming down my cheeks as my eyes were closed tightly. I opened my eyes.

As the song finished, the chords from the piano rang around the room. I could hear him releasing a deep breath from his mouth. I could tell how much passion and power was released into the atmosphere. My heart seemed to be healed, almost like someone understood what kind of pain I was going through.

"Did you like it, I know it's not finished...But I wanted you to know what I'm making for you," He smiled and moved himself from the chair. I signed thank you with my hand and he nodded his head with a smile hanging on his lips. I wiped my tears, and ran into his arms. My heart filled with happiness.

"I didn't just bring you here to show you this incredible room, but I wanted to talk to you about Josh.." Tyler trailed off, releasing me from the hug. I nodded my head and Tyler ushered me back in the chair. I sat down and began to listen to him.

"Josh likes you, it's obvious. And I know you don't like him. He seems to be making you uncomfortable. I know he doesn't mean to, but he does. And so that's why I've been taking you under my wing and letting you sleep in my bed. I know he won't hurt you, but I don't think you guys should date. You're too good for him, and Remington would be a much better match for you. I care about you. You're like my sister and Josh is like my brother. He needs some time apart from you," Tyler sighed. I nodded my head for him to continue.

"The attraction comes from you guys being in the same proximity, the association, and you're pretty cute," Tyler smiles,"But with Rem, he shares interests with you, he understands you, you guys like each other. You guys have been through so much already, and that makes you stronger. You guys will succeed."

I smiled at the thought. Love, it's such a complex subject. It's never helped me live out my life or succeed in any given way. I don't trust love. It was too much to wrap my head around. Love was just another dirty four letter word.

I could never love. I can't let myself love. I would never love or be loved. I was too over dramatic and I felt too much. No one wants that. I have too many scars physically and mentally. I was broken and no one could save that. I was too far gone to be saved now.

"But Josh is persistent. I would say try to avoid him when you can. Don't play him, please. He's fragile. He needs someone who doesn't like another man," Tyler bit his lip.

"I understand, but I'm not looking to date anyone at the moment. Love isn't an emotion I know. At least...on a level of dating. I love Josh and Rem as my friends, nothing else," I signed to him. He nodded his head in understanding.

"Thank you for understanding, I'm gonna take my leave now. Please enjoy my secret hide away. If you need some place to stay again, crawl into my bed. Don't be shy," Tyler smiled before standing up, and exiting the room.

I bit my lip and looked around. All the instruments seemed to call me closer to the mic. As I stood up, it was like a magical force was just making we gravitate towards the object. I wrapped my warm hands around the cold metal stand and smirked. I felt like a rockstar, but my heart was hurting.

My head began to create a beat. I could hear the drums and the guitar playing in my ear.

When I wake up, I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place

My hair whipped around as I screamed lyrics into the mic. I knew how my friends felt about me. And that's what this song was about.

You're too mean, I don't like you. Fuck you anyway. You make me wanna scream

My voice seemed to be the only comfort in the room, but even that leaves sometimes. My foot kept the beat beside me. I whipped my head around making my hair fly around me. I felt superior. I felt like even if all my friends left and hated me, I was still strong.

When I finished the song, I was out of breath. It was the most I have used my voice in years. I didn't dare use my voice in front of the others. This was for me, and me only. No one would ever hear my voice. They don't need that. I am better than that. They don't need to hear my voice to be my friend,

I looked around one last time before turning off the lights and heading into the hallway. Now for the fun stuff, finding my way back to my room.