Mentally in love (Remington Leith)

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Just kill yourself

He wants you dead

You don't matter anymore

You've ruined everything

Just end it, do it

My thoughts danced on the edge of depression and suicide. What a wonderful combination. They were right, I ruined everything and I shouldn't be alive because I ruined every chance I have. I love him so much. And yet? He hates me.

"Hey, you need to eat," Chris rubbed my back, placing a plate of food on the night stand by his bed.

"I'm not hungry," I signed. This caused him to sigh. He knew how stubborn I could be, but I knew I wouldn't win this fight. It had been three days since Karaoke night. Emerson and Maria were the only ones to visit me. The rest have avoided me like the plague. Of course, Ricky and Ryan peeked in a few times, Ricky would watch over me when Chris went to therapy or when Chris left to get me food.

This caused me to talk to him using sign language. He would place my head in his lap and comb out my hair. He could convince me to shower, and eat sometimes. He and Chris would both do this. But today was worse than the others. I felt sadder than I had days before.

I just felt like maybe everyone would be better off without me. Almost everyone who loves me has abandoned me. No more Tyler, Josh, Daniel, Sebastian, Shy..Remington. He even hates me. I was such a bitch to him, I deserve this treatment.

I was sad and I just wanted the pain in my chest to stop. I wanted everything to just end. Nothing could make me happy.

This was all my fault.

"Hey sunshine, go wash up and then you can come back and eat. Okay?" Ricky rubbed my legs causing me to look at him. I just nodded my head.

"Actually, I need her. Now," Sebastian looked at me from the door. His voice was demanding and urgent.

"Why?" Chris asked, getting off the bed. I scrambled to get up, sitting on my knees, I pulled his sleeve and shook my head.

"I'll go," I signed, letting go of his sweater, almost losing balance from how fast I got up and the lack of food in my body. It has been two days exactly since I have had an ounce of food. Chris grabbed my waist to stabilize me. I nodded my head in thanks.

"Here," Chris handed me a sweater. It said the words 'SlutWalk' on the front in white. The rest of it was black.

"What's this?" I asked as I put it on.

"It's one of my Ex's sweaters. It got in the mix of what they brought. It's a march against rape culture. It was a march where girls and guys all showed that no matter what they wore, no meant no. She attended and made the shirt slowly after," Chris explained. I nodded my head and threw it on.

"Larisa and I have found something that you need to see," Seb looked down at me. His face was blank of emotion.

I followed him down the hallway. He gripped my hand, helping me weave through the crowds.

"I don't like the sweater he gave you. It's for a good cause, no doubt. But the words.." Sebastian trailed off. I shrugged my shoulders, not minding. No one aside from Larisa would know why I didn't mind it as much. I related to the topic at hand, but I was ashamed to tell anyone.

"We're here, prepare yourself. You're not gonna feel too good after this," Sebastian opened the door. Inside was Larisa, Emerson, and now me and Sebastian.

"You need to see this, I'm sorry for sending Sebastian," Larisa sighed before waving me over. I pulled the sleeves of the hoodie over my hand, anxiety taking over. There was a video of last friday night, where everything went wrong. The screen showed Billie and Remington.

"Sit down," Larisa sat me in her chair before pushing the play button.

"You know you want me," Billie purred.

"I have a girlfriend, I can't do that to her...I love her. I'm sorry Bills," Remington sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"You can pick me over her. You know you love me," She smirked, kissing him on the cheek, pushing him onto the wall. He pushed back, but not hard enough not to hurt her.

"I don't love you. I love my fucking girlfriend Billie," Remington growled.

"Kiss me, or that girlfriend of yours is going to get beat until she's barely breathing. And not by me," She smirked. Remington's eyes grew wide.

"You wouldn't dare," Remington stepped towards her, his fists clenched.

"Watch me," She was about to walk away when he grabbed her arm, pulling them back to the wall, kissing her.

That's when I walked in. And the rest is history.

Larisa clicked the video, causing it to pause.

"So he wasn't lying? And i've been a total- oh my god," I signed, tears clouded my vision. Larisa went to place her hand on my shoulder, but I pushed her off and stood up.

"Don't touch me, I don't deserve that," I signed.

"El, it's just a misunderstanding," Emerson smiled kindly at me.

"No!" I signed before running out the door. I ran. My eyes burning from the tears and newly added wind. I ran far until I got to the music room.

I knew that no one would check here first, so it gave me time. I closed the door, leaving the lights off. The room was sound proof, so no one could hear me.

I pushed myself up against a wall, lowering myself until my knees were touching the ground. Sobs escaped my lips.

I ruined everything. I should've listened to him. I was such a bitch. He hated me. He was the victim here, not me. I was just...

My thoughts were cut short as more sobs escaped my lips. I dug my nails into my arms. My body began to itch. I was getting stressed out.

This hurt me worse than him cheating on me. I broke his heart...I broke his heart because I wasn't listening. He tried to tell me, and I just ignored him. I was such a bitch, cold hearted bitch. What's a relationship without trust?

I dug my nails deeper into my skin causing my perfect porcelain to crack. It was like my heart, broken and bleeding. I moved my hands away from my bleeding wound, wrapping them into my hair. I began to rock back and forth.

"You ruined everything, you stupid bitch," I banged my fists on the floor causing them to ache and turn a bright red color.

"You fucking suck, everyone hates you," I sobbed as I banged my fist against the foor once more causing my knuckles to crack and bleed.

"Just fucking kill yourself, do it. He'll be happy. Everyone will celebrate. THE DUMB BITCH IS DEAD," I screamed. My blood began to fall to the floor.

"What do you mean she ran away? Why would she be in my room? She doesn't matter to me, just like I don't matter to her," A voice asked from outside the door causing me to stop screaming at myself. My sobs turned quiet as the door opened.

I put my head down, into my knees. My hair covered my face, exposing my neck.

"Hey? Are you okay?" The voice asked. I looked at them through the sea of my hair. It was Remington.