Mentally in love (Remington Leith)

Chapter Fifty-Five

(WARNING!!!! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MENTIONS OF ABUSE, MURDER, ASSAULT, AND VIOLENCE!! IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THESE TOPICS PLEASE TURN AWAY!!) 

"So that's what you were writing about?" Remington smiled as he finished reading the letter I wrote. 

"Yeah, Larisa wanted me to do it for our next therapy session. It is supposed to help me realize all the change that I've been through," I smiled, taking the note back. 

"You have changed a lot, you wouldn't even speak when you first got here. But your personality never changed. You were always strong-willed and kind. You had your ups and downs, but it never stopped you from being you," he smiled, planting a kiss on my forehead. 

"I was very scared to be who I am now. I was scared to be myself because all I knew was how to be a prisoner. I didn't know how to be human.." I sighed, playing with a strand of hair that was growing back. 

"And that's understandable, you were put through so much. So much that no one really knows. You don't talk about it often," He smiled sadly, "But it's your story to tell, whenever you want to open up about it- I am here."

"I don't want you to think less of me," I looked down and began to pick at my nails. 

"I would never," He rubbed my arm in a comforting matter. 

"You promise?' I asked looking up at him through my lashes. My hand began to pick at my finger roughly. I was nervous. I hadn't really told anyone about what happened to me in that cell. I never fully talked about what they tried to do to me. The only person who even remotely knows would be Andy...and even then...he wasn't there for the worst of it all. He wasn't there when the lashings got worse or when the names became more than just that. He wasn't there for the shaving of parts of my hair. He wasn't there for the burning of my skin. 

"Well, it all started after my court hearing, they took me to that asylum- promising that it was just like a prison- I would serve my years in prison and maybe get out on good behavior if I did the therapy and if I went to the churches and stuff.." I sighed, tugging at the ends of my hair, "But it was nothing like that...instead of prison cells, it was cages. They forced you to strip and they gave you a brand on your thigh, their numbers...like we were cattle." 

I moved my pants down to my legs, allowing him to see all the scars and markings that they left. "The numbers are here," I turned to my left side, revealing my right thigh where there was a strand of numbers burned into my skin. He reached his hand out to touch them, looking at me for permission. I nodded my head, allowing his fingers to caress the numbers. 

"Those numbers indicated us as theirs. Andy has the same ones on his thigh. I watched him get his...They had killed my last cellmate, He didn't deserve it...not at all. He was just a boy.." 

I fixed my pants. 

"How did he die?" Remington asked, grabbing my hand. 

"They...they drugged him too much. They made him overdose then blamed it on him...he was only thirteen. He was in for a connection to a gang. That gang had ended up killing his brother and blaming it all on him- he was innocent...just like me," I sniffled back, trying to keep the tears to a minimum. 

"But besides that...it was normal stuff for about two weeks, meds and normal therapy sessions and then...well then the experiments started. They were working on truth serum. They had almost perfected it, but they used it on me...and since I was innocent-and they were under the impression that I was a murderer- they didn't believe that it worked on me. So they would cut me, take out my hair....assault me...anything to get me to confess to a murder that I never committed," I began to sob. It was like I was reliving everything all over again. The abuses, the assaults, the experiments, the cuts- everything. 

"And when that didn't work, they decided to use electroshock therapy," I moved my hair so he could see my temples, "It didn't work. It just made my brain turn to mush...I was lucky that I didn't die from how bad it was...hell, we are lucky that I can still make proper sentences." 

"They ended up making me resort to silence. I would refuse to speak to anyone- even Andy. I just...I stopped talking. I wouldn't scream or beg for them to stop anymore- I gave up. I felt like I was never going to escape. I felt...trapped..." I wiped my eyes. Remington sniffled next to me, pulling me into his lap and just holding me close. I could feel his empathy, his rage, his heart just shattering - I could feel everything that he was feeling.

"It was years of torture, only for me to finally be deemed as innocent, but thanks to the court finding me innocent- and Andy's fighting for me and to get that place shut down- we started an investigation. Before I had got here, they interviewed me, took pictures of me....everything. And we got that place shut down," I smiled. 

"And even after all of that...you are still here today...you-you-" He broke down crying, hugging me tighter,"And yet...you found good in me, you found good in Billie- because you knew what it was like to be misunderstood..You-you just knew- you fucking knew that we were going through something that no one else could understand, or so it seemed."  

"My trauma made me stronger, it made me see things in a different light. I know that I still battle it, and I know that I am not fully cured of my trauma...But I am still doing better than I was when I first got here. I found my voice, and I found someone who loves me despite all that I have gone through, I have friends who make me feel stronger than I could've ever imagined," I hugged him tightly, crying into his chest. 

"I love you Elenora, my brave, beautiful, courageous queen," Remington placed a kiss onto my scarred temples. 

"I love you," I whispered back, placing a kiss onto his collar bone. 

"Thank you for opening up to me, that was a very brave thing for you to do. And don't worry, I will not speak a word of this to anyone else- you have my word," He rubbed my back in a comforting tone. 

"Thank you," I leaned my head against his chest. If I could do anything for the rest of my life, it would be to sit in this garden of roses in his arms, in the one place I feel safe..with him.