Mentally in love (Remington Leith)

Chapter Four

I awoke to the sound of thunder. My body lurched forward, out of slumber. Remington was sound asleep in the bed beside mine. There was no one else in the room besides us two.

I jumped as another sound of thunder erupted inside the room.. I could hear shrill screaming echoing in the hallways, My hands clapped over my ears. My body began to shake.

The sounds of thunder brought back terrible memories in the psycho house. I remember one night where I was strapped on the operation table, and they were trying to do electroshock therapy. They were trying to make me "not a murderer." They were doing illegal things in this ward. They weren't allowed to do electroshock therapy or experiment on their patients.

I have permanent markings on the side of my head. I used my hair to cover them. There's a lot the boys don't know about me. I know Larisa knows, she had to know...

"Hey, Hey," Remington stood up from his bed and cautiously walked over to me.

"Come here," He whispered. He held his arms out to me. He was now on the bed. I removed my hands from over my ears and realized that I had been crying. I practically jumped into his arms.

"You're okay. It's okay," He rubbed my back in a comforting manner. All I wanted to do was scream 'I'm sorry' over and over again,

"Well I can't seem to make you smile anymore, anymore," He began to sing to me. His voice sounded like an angel. But his attitude when I first met him was that of a devils. I wonder why he even here. I wonder why he is put in a mental hospital. He seemed normal enough. His arms weren't scarred.

"Ma Cherie! Oh, time won't be enough to make you fall in love with me," He continued to sing oh so softly. The sound of  the thunder began to drift away. I had finally relaxed into his grasp. His hold still tight around my small body. I gripped tight to his shoulders. His warm body melting into mine.

After he finished his song, he released me from his grasp. He placed his finger under my chin and forced me to look into his eyes. My eyes were glossed over and puffy from all the tears.

"You're okay now. The thunder can't hurt you here," He smiled at me and placed his chin on top of my head, bringing me back down to his bare chest. He smelled clean, like a man. Maybe some cedarwood and mint. It was a weird mix, but it was also very comforting. 

"I'm sorry for being a dick earlier, I have bipolar issues," He sighed deeply into my ear.

"I understand," I wrote on a piece of paper.

"I wish I was just normal. No anxiety, depression. Nothing to hold me back from my dreams," He ranted. His body growing warmer as he grew more upset with himself.

"I understand. Trust me you're not alone in those struggles. I'm suffering from PTSD, anxiety, depression, and a lot more. Trust me, you're not alone," I hugged him tighter. HIs warm body becoming very comforting, the sound of thunder no longer present.

"You were the one who comforted me the other night," He stated.

"I..um..yeah," I wrote again.

"Thank you," He buried his head into my shoulder. His nose tickling my neck. I smiled. Even if I didn't fully trust him, it was nice to imagine that I did. It was nice to imagine that I had a friend. Someone who I could actually lean on while I was here.

I knew that girls were easier to trust, but they could hurt you just as bad. That was no secret or surprise to anyone. I was learning to trust Larisa, but that was it. The only girl who I could trust in this place...for now.

"We have group therapy tomorrow, you should rest," Remington snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah...you should too," I released myself from his grasp. I craved for him to hold me longer. It had been a while since I have had affection, one grasp was pure ecstasy.

"Emerson and Seb are coming back tomorrow. They have a gift that Larisa approved of," Remington smiled.

"What is it?" I wrote.

"Well, that would ruin the surprise, but has to do with therapy," Remington smiled.

"Oh?" I wrote. 

"I know we've only known you for a day, but you're pretty much family," He smiled.

"I don't like family, they can get murdered easier when they're around me," My mood dampened.

"Don't say that. It wasn't your fault," Remington tried to reason with me.

"But I was blamed for it. I was abused for it. You don't know what that's like. I'm a monster in everyone's eyes," I looked down.

"Hey, no," He reached for me only to have me flinch back.

"I'm sorry," I clenched my hands in front of me.

"Don't ever say sorry. Not with me. Never," He spoke down at me.

"I can't promise that," I glared at my pale hands.

"I know, but you don't have to apologize. I understand what you've gone through," He whispered the last part, but I heard him.

"No you don't! I was known as Patient X. I was never referred to by my name! I was just an object to their plans. I was just a pawn in the game. I was experimented on. I hated myself everyday. I was the monster. I was a nobody! I am still a nobody. I don't matter," I wrote, glaring into the dark void of my bed.

"What the hell!?" His voice boomed."You matter! We all matter to someone..." He trailed off.

"Not me. Everyone who cared is dead. I should've died with them," My depression slapped me in the face with a sinister smile. Welcome to five am.

"No, no. You're here for a reason. We all are," His voice was persistent.

"Do you tell yourself that when you're sad?" I broke my pen. He looked down and let his silence consume him.

"I'm going to bed," He muttered before getting up and walking back to his bed.

"Got it," I signed and walked to the bathroom.

I started the shower and sighed. My mind was in a daze. It was almost like my depression had clouded everything that was real and placed me back into that hell. I couldn't believe that I had just pushed away the nice dude who took it upon himself to be nice to me. I bit my lip and choked back a sob.

I knew that I needed this cry, but I didn't want to accept it. I knew I wasn't actually going to shower, but how else would I overpower my sob? How else could I hide from Remington? The real answer was that there was no other way. But little did I know that I had just fucked up my future friendship with him.