Mentally in love (Remington Leith)

Chapter Fifty-One

I was sitting in my bed, looking down at the note in my hand. It was now dark outside and I was sitting in the bathroom with the light on. Debby was asleep in her bed, I could hear her soft snores from where I was sitting. I knew I was going to cry over the contents inside of the letter, but I couldn't bring myself to open it.

I set it down, sighing. I could see some of the ink bleeding through showing me a few words. I grabbed the letter once more before walking to the bathroom. I turned on the light which made Debby groan, but not wake up. She was a heavy sleeper. 

I set the letter down once more frowning as I was turning on the faucet. I ran my hands under the cold water before splashing it on my face. I wiped my face with my arms and wiped my hands on my shirt causing them to dry off and leave my shirt damp.

I went back to my seat on the floor before opening the letter. I took a deep breath before letting my ey6es read the words on the page. 

Dear My Little Raccoon,

What to say to you...You are my best friend, family, and just overall amazing. You are so strong and you have shown me that it is okay to have a struggle, but it does not define me. Instead, it is a part of me that I have to accept and learn to manage. Blurryface does not own me, he is not me. He is just a demon that I have to live with.

I will never forget you. You are someone who I hold in high regard. When you get out of here, you will see that you are stronger than when you came in. You are one of the strongest women I have come to know. You have gone through hell and have come out the champion. You have a few scars, but you are getting better. It is very noticeable. It is like just a few weeks ago, you were talking to me in sign language and suddenly a miracle happened, you started speaking to us with your angelic voice.

But if you are having a bad day, I want you to pick this letter up and read it. I know that some days are hard, but I know that you are stronger than them. I may not be there with you anymore, but I will be visiting a lot. I have no one to tour with until Josh gets back and I will miss you too much to even start touring anytime soon. But here are my encouraging words for those bad days. If you are reading this right now, it means you need some words from a very cool person- me! - to remind you of something very important: hope. Maybe sometimes it feels like you lose this very precious thing because life is hard and makes us lose hope. But hope is our dear friend and is never too far, you just have to look for it. You are a very strong woman and are now an inspiration for men and women alike. These people believe that if you survived the hell that you have been put through, then they can do the same. So it is very important that you stay alive. Stay alive for me, for your friends, for your new fans, but most importantly for yourself. But if not for yourself, stay alive for those who you make feel like they can still make it. You are now someone's hope.

Now I know that you're going to ask "But where is my hope!?" And I am here to say that it is always somewhere. It can be through a song, this letter, a friend, your rose bush outside, etc. "Even in the darkest time there is always hope as long as one remembers to turn on the light" did I quote that right? But the fact that I made it out, that Remington made it out, should give you hope that YOU can get out too. I believe in you and I can't wait to see you on the outside. I will miss you my amazing rose queen.

Your best friend,

Tyler Hoeseph <3

I laughed at the ending before wiping my eyes and smiling. There were a few watermarks on the pages from my tears, but I knew that it was okay. Tyler had once again made me cry. I sniffled before smiling. My heart swelled with memories and grief as I knew that I would be letting go of a close friend, but I knew that it wouldn't last forever.  

'Little Raccoon'. It was a nickname Tyler had given me a while back.

I was sitting at lunch as we all were just eating. I was sitting by Chris. Ashley and Billie were talking to each other while Tyler, Chris, and I were talking. Debby was sitting next to me but focused on talking to Josh. We had all just come from group therapy. We had a question in the session about an animal we would most likely be.

"I put a raccoon," I shrugged.

"Why in the hell would you put a raccoon!?" Chris laughed at me before taking a sip of his soda.

"They wear a natural mask! They're literally bandits," Tyler looked at me so lost.

"They may wear natural masks, but have you ever seen a raccoon!? They're little badasses, and they're so cute!!" I gushed.

"Did you just involuntarily call yourself cute and badass?" Tyler asked, now suddenly intrigued.

"Now listen.." I trailed off laughing.

"She did, now she can't take it back. She is officially badass and cute," Chris winked at me joking. I rolled my eyes jokingly before laughing as well.

"What about you guys, what did you put?" I asked, looking back and forth between the two, waiting for one of them to answer.

"Well for your information little raccoon, I would be a lion. Because I am prideful and I am protective. But I am also like a leader in our group. I always make you guys stop fighting and makeup," Tyler smiled.

"Little raccoon, oh god, what have I done?" I joked. We all laughed.

"I think a lion fits you," Chris nodded.

"What about you Chris?" I asked.

"I would be a wolf," He answered very nonchalantly.

"I can see that, but why do you say so?" Tyler added.

"I am a protector, I am the underdog. I am very prideful as well and I don't normally give second chances.

"Remington was one of those not normal situations," I giggled.

"Remington's was a misunderstanding," Tyler chimed in. I nodded my head before taking a bite of my food.

"If Remington were to be an animal, which one would he be?" Tyler asked.

"Oh most definitely a snake," I smiled.

"A Snake???" Chris asked, looking at me.

"I can see it," Tyler nodded.

"He is a Slytherin for one, and he protects himself more than anything. He inflicts pain on those he doesn't trust and once he's comfortable, he will inflict pain on those who hurt you," I explained.

"And he has the dark mark tattooed on himself," Chris chimed in. I nodded my head.

I smiled at the memory. It was a good day for all of us. It made me sad to know that I had to let go of another friend who was close to me, but I knew that I would be okay without him. I had done this before and I can do it again. I am very happy that he is leaving to his family and his partner. I trusted that he wouldn't forget about me. I was his little raccoon after all.

I folded the letter back up before standing up. I tugged down my shirt and adjusted my hair before exiting the bathroom. I noticed that Debby was still asleep. She had turned around a bit so her hair was matted and spread out amongst the pillow. But other than that, she seemed to be doing fine.

I placed the letter on my nightstand before laying down. I pulled the covers up to my chest before closing my eyes. I allowed my body to grow heavy as I greeted the void with kindness in hopes of a good dream.