Mentally in love (Remington Leith)

Chapter Eight

His named echoed in my head, I couldn't sleep. My thoughts were racing. Remi...Remi..Remi. His name sounded so sweet that way. It meant I was officially his friend. I got permission to call him by a nickname. My heart fluttered at the thought.

"Why do you always have your bangs covering your eye?" Remington asked the air, knowing I was awake.

I sat up in bed, and bit my lip. I looked over at him watching as he sat up as well. I reached under my pillow for my notebook and opened it. The moonlight that shone through the window provided barely enough light to see.

Rem moved off of his bed, and moved to mine. He took a seat and moved closer to me. He watched my hand dance around the page. The ink stained the page with its truth.

"Remember how I drew my story? Do you rememeber the torture I drew? My eye is scarred because of it. I would much rather not be questioned for it, so I hide," Remington read out loud. I nodded my head and looked down at my hands. I began to twiddle my thumbs, embracing the silence.

He looped his fingers underneath my chin, and lifted my face to meet his. He smiled at me, and looked deeply into my eyes before moving my bangs back, looking deeply into my eyes. His hazel brown eyes melted with mine.

"You're still beautiful to me," He whispered.

I shook my head no, and let my bangs fall back over my eye. The scar ran from my right eyebrow all the way over my eyelid and down towards my nose.

"You are, even in the dull clothes we are provided, you make them glow. You make them pop with color just by being you," Remington moved closer to me, reaching towards my hand.

I moved my hand back, and signed the word stop. He didn't understand sign language, so my efforts were pointless.

"I can see by how you moved, I upset you. I'm sorry," He bows his head down. I am consumed with guilt. I grab his hand with mine before bringing it to my lips, planting a gently kiss on it. His eyes widened with shock. I could feel his body stiffen in my grasp, but slowly relax.

I shook my head at him to try and tell him that he didn't need to be sorry. But instead, he pulled away and headed back to his bed. I tried to reach for him, but he moved fast. My heart dropped with despair.

I shuffled out of bed, not even bothering to grab shoes. I walk out of the room, quickly ignoring his quiet calls for me to come back. My mind began to overthink. I tried to follow the path I had mapped out in my head while I was walking back with Emerson from the garden.

My eyes began to blur. My thoughts began to abuse me with hate. My heart began to break with each step that I took. My eyesight kept getting blurrier. I sat outside of someone's door and began to cry silently. My anxiety made my vision blurry, and my chest feel like someone was pressing on it.

"Who is-? El?" at the sound of my name, I looked up to see Josh looking at me with a tired look in his eyes.

"Are you okay?" Josh asked. I shook my head no. He looked at me with a sad expression, and sat down on the floor.

"Is it okay if I give you a hug? Consent is important," Josh smiled. I nodded my head yes. With my response, Josh wrapped his arms around my shoulders, and hugged me. I got on my knees, so it was more comfortable. I couldn't help myself, I began to cry. My hatred for myself growing. I made Remington uncomfortable, unhappy, sad. I was nothing to hm. How can I be his friend if I make him unhappy?

"Shh, shh, hey, hey. Look at me," Josh spoke quietly into my ears. I listened to him, and watched as his thumbs moved towards my face, and wiped off the stray tears. I met his eyes and in return he gave me a small smile.

"Come on, let's go to the garden," Josh smiled and helped me off my feet before leading us to the garden. I tried to remember the pattern, but it doesn't work considering my brain is on a mental rampage. He opened the glass door out to the garden.

The moonlight welcomed me with a smile. Somehow the flowers looked even more beautiful than last time. They began to wave at me as the wind picked up a bit. It wasn't that bad, but it caused me to shiver. Josh didn't seem to notice. He led me to the same place I hid before.

After a good half hour of sitting outside and picking up stray flowers and tearing at the leaves, Josh smiled at me.

"Here, this would look good on you," Hewinked at me before placing a white rose that was still in a perfect form, but had fallen off the bush into my hair. He placed it right behind my ear leaving it to peak out by my eyes. I smiled. No one had ever done that to me before.

"Come on, lets get inside," He stood up, and offered me his hand which I accepted. He helped me off the floor and held my hand as we walked to his room. The room was cooler than mine. It had red walls with blue trims. There was a door to the bathroom which I could see from the entrance. It had a window with a view of the garden, and cute red curtains to match the trims.

"Ty, it was Ell. She had a rough time. Can she stay here?" Josh asked.

"What happened?' Tyler asked sitting up. He had a journal by him. It looked like he was writing poetry?

"I hurt Rem's feelings. He tried to compliment me, and I told him to stop in sign language and then I tried to apologize and he just went to bed, and I had to leave because of my anxiety, and I was trying to find the garden. But I couldn't see anymore cause of my tears" I signed.

"That makes sense. I don't think he's mad. I think he's more worried," Tyler explained.
"Either way..I don't wanna..can I please stay here," I signed back to Tyler, looking at the ground.

"Yeah, Here, you can have my bed," Tyler collected his things and began to move off the bed. I shook my head no before pointing to the floor then myself.

"Hell no, we won't let you sleep on the floor," Tyler sounded almost offended.

"Then we can share a bed.." I scratched my neck.

"Come on in," Tyler smiled and moved off the bed for me.

Josh looked a little jealous. But he tried to cover it up with a smile. Why would he be jealous? I just ignored it, and tugged the flower out of my hair before handing it to Tyler and asked him to put it on his journal. He smiled and laid beside me. His turned back to the way he was before me which was his back facing mine. I smiled in relief. Friends...what a new concept. I began to drift off into the void which was full of darkness. Emerson once told me to love the void and I am starting to.