Mentally in love (Remington Leith)

Chapter Eleven

I awoke the slight nudge of a creature. Mishka's nose brushed against my chin. She was trying to get me awake. As she noticed my eyes open, she licked my face out of happiness.

"You're the first one to hear my voice here, you're so cute, aren't you," I whispered. It felt weird to talk, but considering it was an animal, I didn't think it counted. I knew that the dog wouldn't yell at me or abuse me when times get hard. I smiled and ruffled her fur before grabbing her leash and walking her back inside.

She raced towards the instance causing me to jog with her. I giggled. I loved how energetic this dog was, and considering I had my depression nap, I felt amazing. My heart felt mended, better than it was this morning. My sadness was still hammering away in my mind, but it was easier to ignore the cries. I opened the door and began to walk back towards my shared room with Rem.

"You tend to like that garden a lot," Josh smiled as he walked out of his room, meeting me in the hallway. I nodded my head. I continued to walk with Mishka and Josh. He was talking about him and Tyler making a song about Taco Bell? But I was barely listening. It was easy to not pay attention when you were mute. I didn't have to respond to everything.

As we kept getting closer, my head began echoing with anxiety and dark thoughts. I gripped tighter to the leash, and my hands began to shake. I would be okay. I just had to breathe. How do I breathe again? In and out? Fast pace? No. no.

I shook my head and kept walking. I ignored everything around me, and focused on giving Mishka back to Sebastian. I had already had her for too long. I was in no condition to keep her any longer.

As soon as we arrived, I entered through the door and looked at sebastian before handing him the leash to Mishka. I smiled at him briefly before latching my hands behind my back, and looking at the ground. I pulled at my fingers, which was a nervous habit of mine. I looked around becoming more aware of the people in the room. Remington was looking at me with pure regret in his eyes. Emerson looked like he wanted to hug me, and Sebastian looked like he didn't fully understand the situation. Josh knew that was going on, but he just looked awkward and uncomfortable.

I didn't even want him here at the moment. I feel like he would just cause more problems. I bit my lip again. I didn't need this right now. Maybe I can just sleep in the hallway, and sneak back in when he left.

I know that he's not mad at me anymore, but I can't help worrying over everything he has said to me. I know he didn't mean it, but it still hurt my feelings. I turned to leave, only to be pulled back.

"I'm sorry, El. I didn't mean it," Rem grabbed my arm gently, making me turn towards him. My nose touching his chest.

I pointed to him and signed the words 'ok'. As to say you're okay. Remington looked at me in confusion. I looked down and traced the word 'Ok' onto his chest. My finger seemed to burn with just the mere touch of his body.

"I'm okay, you forgive me?" Remington questioned, his eyes full of hope. I nodded my head. turned to look at Emerson who was giving me sad eyes. I shook my head at him and smiled, almost to say not to worry and that I was okay.

"Can you stay? Please?" Remington asked, gripping onto my shoulders causing me to flinch. I shook my head no, and looked down.

"Please El," His voice cracked as he choked down a sob.

"I can't," I signed.

"She can't Rem. She's hurting, you get that right? You can't just heal after you freak out and call her a murderer. You know more of her past than we do and yet you still hurt her," Emerson sighed.

"I'm a monster, I-I, oh my god," He began to sob.

"Get El out of here, please," Emerson looked at Josh and pushed me gently towards the door. I looked back at Rem who had his hands latched to his hair, sobs filling the room.

I bit my lip to contain my own tears from falling.

"Let's get you out of here, come on," Josh grabbed my hand, and pulled me out into the hallway.

We walked down the hallway, hand in hand. My heart feels heavy as if I had lost someone in a war. The war was me and my issues, the soldier who died at war was Remington. It was like he had jumped in front of me only to call me a murderer for his sacrifice. My tears began to silently fall and pave way to Tyler and josh's room. I snapped into a small flashback from when I was in the institution.

I had a chain wrapped around my neck like I was some sort of prisoner. I had tears flooding down my cheeks, but my face was stone cold. I didn't seem to care about anything. My wrists bleeding from how tight the cuffs were. My temples were grilled like a chicken on a barbeque grill. I was led by two men who had their arms linked around mine carrying me back to my prison cell. As soon as we arrived, they threw me into my prison cell, leaving my chains on me. My head hit the cold stone floor, this made my vision dance.

"Murderer," one of the men spit into my hair and walked away, his laughter echoing all the way down the hallway until he left.

"Hey, hey," I felt my shoulders being shook making me snap out of my imagination,"We're here."

I walked into the room, Josh following behind me.

"Hey, you're back," Tyler gave me a small smile. I smiled back at him. He opened his arms as if to offer me a hug, and considering the night, I needed one. I ran into his arms and breathed in his scent. He smelled like old spice deodorant and mint. It was a nice combination. I smiled into the smell.

"Want to take a trip, just me and you?" Tyler whispered in my ear. I nodded my hair. I was hoping to sneak out to the garden tonight, but maybe now I won't have to.

"We're gonna go find Larisa, we'll be back. Hold down the fort," Tyler commanded Josh. Josh sighed, but agreed. He moved out of the door frame allowing us to walk through. Tyler laced his hand in mine, I smiled again.

"Off we go to Neverland," He joked as he led me down the hallway, we passed my room, and the cafeteria, pass the entrance. And as we entered this room, it was dark. He flipped on the light switch and shut the door. The room erupted with light exposing a music room. The room was full of guitars, a piano, a violin, trumpets, drums, etc. It was beautiful.

"This is our own personal studio," Tyler smiled,"Surprise."