Mentally in love (Remington Leith)

Chapter Thirty-Three

It has been a few days since the incident. We have received news that Billie was okay and in stable condition. She would be coming home Monday. Since her attempt, nurses have been forced to give us shots of our medicine or in liquid forms if they could be taken that way.

Ben hasn't reached out to us, nor have we reached out to him. The group had grown closer and we were all full with a certain amount of guilt. I hadn't slept well since the incident. We have all grown in a sense. There was no more drama in the group. Now it was more all of us trying to support and build each other up.

We were all eager to see Billie. We wanted to give her hugs and show her that she is welcome and forgiven. But we also wanted to let her know that she didn't have to attempt to end her life just to make up with us. She could've talked to any of us, but we understood that maybe it wasn't that easy and we understood how she felt and we love her all the same.

Emerson, Daniel, Larisa, and Sebastian made daily trips to visit her and made sure to keep us updated. We all wrote her letters about how much we missed her and wished her well. We also told her that she was forgiven and that we loved her, and that we never want to see her do this again. We all explained how we felt that day.

I have been a bit more depressed since the incident, but put on a brave face for everyone else. Especially Josh and Ash. It was Tyler and Me who were holding it together the most. We tried our best to be strong for everyone. Chris had relaxed and was no longer being a dick, but instead was just being quiet. You could see the pain and regret buried in his eye. There was still slight tension between us. No one could fix it...

Rem held the same broken look, but was just slowly losing himself. He was the angriest. But he was taking it out on walls and screaming into the void. Ash and Josh on the other hand...well they would break at random times. Yes, we knew she was okay. We all knew this, but the pain that we felt and the relief was so overwhelming.

We were all also filled with pain and regret. We felt bad for pushing her this far. I know she said it wasn't our fault, but we couldn't help but feel that way.

And as much as I didn't want to, I had started speaking, fulltime. It was unusual for me and I hated every second of it. But if I was going to be strong, everyone needed to understand me. For the most part, I hung out in the band room. This not only gave me an escape from the world with a soundproof wall to hide my crying, but it also gave me a place to sing and release all my negative energy. 

Currently, it was midnight in the hospital for us clinically insane. I sat in the music room. No one was with me but the walls of the room. The walls looked at me with sympathy as tears rolled off my face and onto the floor.

The walls also whispered about the memories it held here. From fights, to songs, to new friends, to make ups. It was like they knew most of my stories.

The tears that fell seemed to echo around the room. I couldn't help but let out all the pain that sat in my heart. I felt bad for the girl. She just wanted to be loved. Her best friend was stolen from her, and she missed her chance to confess her love. I felt bad, but I couldn't help myself to still date the man that I love.

I bent over, my heart clutching my heart. It felt as if it was shattering in my chest. I heard the door open which caused me to sit up in a quick manner.

There before stood the man who days before told me that I deserved everything that I had been through. I glanced away as I wiped my tears.

"Oh shit..El, I'm sorry," He rubbed the back of his head as the awkwardness grew in the room.

"No, it's..it's okay," I sniffled.

"Were you crying?" He asked, shutting the door behind him as he ran to my side.

"No, no. I'm fine, really," I looked down, my hair falling around my face.

"Look at me," He got down in front of me on bended knee. He lifted my chin up with his finger and looked into my blood shot eyes.

"Dear, what happened?" He asked. Our tension melted as my heart began to ache again. I missed my closest friend. I began to cry again as my heart broke once more.

"Hey, shh. Shh. It's okay," He sat in front of me and pulled me into his lap. He ran his fingers through my hair and held me closer to his body.

"I'm sorry for what I said to you. I know things haven't been the same between us. And you didn't deserve any of that. No matter how mad I was, I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I love you so much and I'm sorry for doing that to you. This whole situation has been crazy. I don't know how to deal with it. It seems like we're all losing our minds in our own ways. Ash hasn't stopped crying. She just barely went to bed. I needed to get out of my room. I needed to just think. But it's better that I ran into you," He kissed my temple.

I smiled and cried harder," I'm sorry for ignoring you. You're okay. You didn't hurt me after that day. I've just been trying to be strong a-a-and keep it together," my voice broke.

"You don't have to be strong for us, sugar. We all are suffering from this. But hey, she'll be back Monday and everything will be okay," He smiled into my hair.

"Can you sing to me?" I asked, my voice sounded so broken and defeated.

Blow the bridge to the past
Wipe the fingerprints
Melt your heart encased in wax
Steal it with a kiss

His voice melts my broken heart. I was no longer hurting, but paying attention to the words made my body relax.

Repose, my love, I've sinned enough for the both of
I'm ready to bury all of my bones                                    I'm ready to lie but say I won't
So tell me your secrets                                         And join me in pieces                                            To rot in this garden made of stones                                Eternally yours

My heart began to slow its pace, and my tears began to stop. But my eyes burned from the amount of salt that had kissed them.

His voice sounded so sweet. He wasn't screaming, he never did when he was singing for me. I knew this song was about a lover, or maybe not. Maybe about someone he longed for. But he made emphasis on certain phrases. Which made shivers run down my body and thought to enter my brain. Was he making emphasis on those lines to relate to me?

As we rest in pieces, though I know not
I would suffer forever to absolve all your pain

I laid my head on his shoulder. He took a deep breath to continue with his lines. His voice was so soft and yet so raspy. He was going through a lot as well, but you couldn't tell from just looking at him.

And join me in pieces   
To fall and rewrite the bitter end   
Eternally yours

He held out the Eternally part in the song before ending it. I smiled as my eyes began to flutter closed.

"Come on, let's get you to your bed," Chris kissed my left scarred temple. This made me smile once more. Though I was insecure, I didn't let him know.

He lifted me into his arms, before standing up. I wrapped my arms around his neck. My head still leaning on his shoulder. He closed the door behind us and walked us down the hallway towards my shared bedroom.

It felt nice to have my brother back. My heart felt like there were a few stitches added to the broken parts. I felt a little less broken then I had moments before. He peeked inside of my door to see a sleeping Remi. He was on my bed.

Chris smiled before laying me next to my boyfriend.

"Thank you, big brother. I love you. You're forgiven. I promise," My voice sounded like it was being slurred.

"Haha, goodnight darling," He kissed my temple before disappearing into the night. I smiled and curled into my boyfriend who stirred and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. And with that, I went to sleep.