Lessons of Love

Awakened Nightmares and Family Gatherings

The only thing keeping me going as I walk along this dark and eerie hallway is the constant ringing in my ear, but I can't desiphere if it's a good or bad ring.  But all I know, is that I must keep walking, that I have to find my way out of here.   

My shaky and tired legs are trying to hold me up as I try to find a way to escape this place, but it's as if with every step I take, the heavier I feel.  It's like I'm somehow sinking onto the floor, either it's that or the fact that realization has finally hit me. 

I probably won't get out of here. 

My breathing starts to become erratic as this dawns on me, and the sad fact is that I don't know how I got here.  All I remember is that I was sleeping, and I somehow woke up in the middle of the night to find a note placed by my bedside table with an address and time on it.  I was stupid to think that maybe if I went to the address that maybe just maybe, I could see what I could do to get everyone out of the mess I have created by helping him.  But it was a trick, all I remember was getting hit with something on my head, and well now I'm here.

Sadly, I now realize how foolish I could truly be.  To think that I alone would be able to do this, but I have only made this worse for not only myself, but for the others as well. 

I sure as hell know that my mother will be looking for me when morning comes, and Liam will be with her too to further make arrangements against our attack to Charles. 

I just hope she won't do anything too crazy when she realizes that I'm not sleeping in bed like I usually do when it is noon. 

I believed that maybe if I did this on my own, that she would get her old normal life back, but the more I pine over my decision, the more I realize that maybe nothing was ever normal from the start. 

And that's what hurts the most.

The fact that I can't help her no matter what I do, the fact I tried doing it on my own today and look at how much trouble I'm already in. 

I tried to comfort myself, but it didn't help especially because of the dark hallway I was in.  I didn't know where I was or if I would ever get out.  That part also sucked. 

Fuck, Zayn.  He wouldn't know what happened to me, or when.  But would that matter to him?  Would the thought of me finally not being there allow him to live a better life without all this toxicity I have caused? 

The mere thought of the phone call on his way back home made my heart hurt in all honesty, the thought of no longer having his presence saddened me. 

More than I thought it would.

Would it be the same for him?  I sure hope it would.  I'm selfish,  I want him to leave and live a fulfilling life, but I want him to stay so that we can both fulfill each others.   I just want him back, and to feel his warm embrace. 

I missed him deeply. 

I missed him more than I did Harry.

I have to get myself out of here, maybe there could be another way that would be better for all of us.  One where we all end up happy.

Yes, I like that idea a lot and I hope they did too.  A small smile made it's way onto my face, as my body tried registering what my brain was telling it to do.  But it was as if my body hardly wanted to respond, so I did the only thing I could think of.

Crawl.

"Fuck this place, I'm going home."  I said in a low and hoarse whisper as I crawled on my elbows towards the end of this long hallway. 

I can't hear anything other than the outake of my breath, my slow and steady movements, and a ringing in my ears that I can't desiphere if it's a good or a bad thing.  But as of right now, I have to keep crawling.  I have to find a way to escape and get out of here, just the thought of being trapped here terrifies me.  To be in a place where no one can hear your pleading cries, where no one can help you, where you have to help yourself.