Lessons of Love

Therapy Sessons for Two?

Shit was all I could think of while I just stood there and watched their reactions. They were both surprised as they looked at each other. I was expecting this reaction, but I wasn't expecting what was to come, as I heard what Ms. Smith asked Zayn.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" She asked, not only looking at him, but glancing at me every so often. I saw something in her eyes, resentment. I honestly didn't know how I should feel by this, but I wanted them to get out what they had to say. I didn't want there to be any words or explanations that were left unsaid.

But as I thought about this, I couldn't help but feel a small sting in my chest. Why was I feeling this?

Zayn looked back at me trying to see if it was okay for him to talk with her, I gave his a nod even though I didn't want him to. But I knew this was necessary.

"Sure." He sighed, following Ms. Smith into her building then office while I sat there on the sidewalk trying to figure what to do in the meantime. But soon walking off towards the bushes that were slightly on the left corner of the building.

Zayns POV

As much as I didn't want to go and talk to Carey, I knew I had to. I didn't allow her to give me a well thought out explanation when I went ballistic on her.

When we walked into her office she started offering me a coffee or water, but what I really wanted was what she had to say. I sat down on the couch infront of her deak and tapped my foot impatiently.

"Why do you want to talk to me?" I asked her, cutting her off from offering me snacks as well.

"I wanted to talk to you, I - I need to give you, no - I wasn't able to explain myself as well as I am able to now." She said, fidgeting in her seat. Nervousness was clearly laced within her voice as she stuttered.

"I know, but why now?" I asked her.

"I know it's late, but like I said, I know it's late but I didn't have the words to explain myself now than I did when that happened." She said, gulping when she said that.

"When you cheated on me?" I asked her, I wanted her to say it.

"Yes."

I only nodded, wanting her to go on with her explanation and whatever she wanted to get off her chest.

"Well, at the time I - I was not only nervous, but I know I can't use that as an explanation because not only does it make sense, but it doesn't make up for anything." She said, taking a deep breath.

"It really doesn't, but proceed."

She nodded, continuing on with her story. "Well, we were in love, but I was out of love after I graduated. I guess with my age, I didn't feel the same feelings you felt for me. It saddens me to say this, cause I knew I started to lead you on, which I shouldn't of had, but I did. I was more nervous about what people were going to say, what you were going to say, rather than doing what was right. But I mean Zayn we were two years apart, we didn't know what love was. But I'm not using that as my scapegoat, I am blaming this on myself." She sighed, almost seeming as thought a weight has been lifted off her shoulders from what she had said.

I had a question, one question that I needed to fully move on. I was hurt by what she did, I wanted to know what I could do better for my future relationships so that this wouldn't happen again. The pain when I heard what happened, was as if I was being shot in the chest, or worse. It was even worse than when you accidently hit your hip again a corner. Even that hurt like a bitch.

"Why?" I licked my lips, wanting to go on. "Like was it something that I did to make you do what you did?"

She laughed, and I was questioning why. "It had nothing to do with you but it had everything to do with me. The love I got from you, in a sense empowered me, but it didn't fill me. I knew I loved you, but it felt as though I was saying it just for the hell of it. Like, I was just saying it to reassure you more than myself. I wanted to see if I could give love to someone else, to see if I could feel anything." She looked down at her deck where her arms were laid out in front of her. "You did nothing wrong, but as the younger generation says, 'it's not you, it's me.'" She said laughing at herself, I chuckled a bit too.